Drowning in the Tide
by The Scarlet Sky
Summary: Claire never expected him to come back into her life. But when he did, a wave of emotions crashed down on her: regret, jealousy, and longing. Sometimes memories simply need to be forgotten. Kai x Claire, onesided. MFOMT. Complete.
1. Chapter 1: Resurfaced

**Note**: This promises to be a short but satisfying long-fic, and quite possibly my favorite one I've written to date. Don't be fooled by the simplicity of this first chapter! It'll get better, I promise. This fic won't be silly like _Fish,_ so it might not be nearly as popular, but I think it'll be emotional. And that's what I love to write about: emotion. Please enjoy and review at your leisure.

**Another Note**: Flashbacks will be in italics. Just a little FYI.

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot, which I am quite proud of, actually.

_**Drowning in the Tide**_

**Chapter One: Resurfaced**

Like most stories, this starts with a boy.

I suppose it would be redundant after that to say this boy was absolutely, flawlessly perfect in every regard. Not to mention dark, tall, and handsome. But of course, as all boys like this are, he remains elusive.

And I am the foolish girl who let him escape.

* * *

"Claire? Claire, are you listening to me?" 

I nodded at the pink-haired girl beside me, pretending to understand what she was babbling about so early in the morning. With a yawn, I ran my fingers through my straight blonde hair, my fingers catching tangles I was too sleepy to brush out.

Popuri, of course, had chided me for not taking enough pride in my appearance, but not being a morning person I had shrugged it off. My best friend stood in stark contrast to me: perky, optimistic, and definitely at home with waking up at six in the morning. I could argue that it was because she'd been dealing with this farming thing since she could walk, and I had only just begun to regret buying the tumbled-down farm that was my new home.

"You'll absolutely love him, though, I promise!" she continued, not noticing my disinterest. "He's funny, and sweet, and charming…and cute!"

"Sounds fascinating," I replied distantly. "But why couldn't I meet him at a decent time? You know, when human beings are actually awake?"

"Stop being such a party-pooper!" Popuri retorted, hitting me playfully. "I wanted to see him as soon as possible, and I thought my fiancé should get to meet my maid of honor. Is that too much to ask?"

I groaned and faltered at the sight of her "pretty-please-I'm-begging-you" pout. Who could say no to that?

"Fine," I sighed, caving in. "Do you think he'll care that I'm wearing yesterday's overalls?"

"That's disgusting, Claire!" Popuri gasped. "You're going to meet the love of my life while wearing dirty laundry?!"

"Oh come on!" I groaned. "I was too tired to look for anything clean to wear. And I'm just going to get it dirty again when I feed the chickens. I'll change later, when I'm done with my work."

"Don't tell me you haven't showered either?"

"Of course I showered!" I retorted. "These clothes were just the first things I grabbed this morning after showering, alright? Popuri, how lazy do you think I am?"

"Lazy enough not to find a decent change of clothes," she muttered. "Goodness, Claire, I would have let you borrow a dress…"

"Can we please change the subject?" I begged, rolling my eyes. "So, you sure you love this guy?"

"Positive," she sighed dreamily. "I mean, you just _know_ when he's the one. Suddenly, you're not afraid to take a risk, to chance everything on one person. Haven't you ever been in love, Claire?"

I paused briefly, closing my blue eyes and letting a short cynical laugh escape my lips.

"Yeah," I nodded. "I have been in love…once. But it was a long time ago."

"So you understand, then," Popuri smiled. "Oh, hey, it's the pier! And that's—oh my gosh, he's here, Claire!"

Hitching up the skirt of her dress, the girl raced across the sand and flung herself on a dark figure that had just disembarked. His bag of possessions fell to the ground as he swept her in his arms and twirled her around on the shore, exclaiming, "Poppy! I didn't think it was possible, but you've gotten even prettier since I've been gone. Three seasons is too long to be seperated from you, you know that?"

"I've been wanting to sail after you all year!" Popuri giggled as her lover gently let her down. "Oh, there's someone I want you to meet."

She took his dark hand in her own pale one and pulled him over to me, where I stood as if nailed to the ground. Sweat was dripping down my brow, and squeaks of protest sounded from my throat. "Claire," she beamed, "this is my fiancé, Kai--"

_"--Kai Rivers. His father is going to be my new business partner, and I'm sure you'll both be great friends. Say hello, Claire."_

_The tanned boy before me held out his hand and flashed a smile._

_"Hey, Claire," he grinned. "I've never been friends with a girl before, but I could give it a try."_

_I stuck out my tongue. "Boys have cooties! No way am I being friends with you."_

_"Oh yeah?" A mischevious grin appeared on his face as he hit me on the arm, screaming, "Tag!" while he ran in the opposite direction._

_"Cheater!" I protested as I ran after him. "You cheated!" _

_He merely laughed and sprinted faster. And in that moment, somehow, the two of us became friends._

I blinked, staring at the man before me in a sort of denial.

This wasn't happening. It just didn't seem..._real_. Seeing him like this after so long, I couldn't even bring myself to speak. My confidence was extinguished like a snuffed candle, and suddenly I became very conscious of the sweaty clothes I was wearing. I wanted to say something, to explain, to do anything besides stand there with my mouth open like a goldfish. But I couldn't.

"Have we…met?" the traveler asked, a frown creasing his lips as he scrutinized me.

It was as if he had knocked all the breath out of me with those simple words.

"...You don't remember?" I whispered, feeling incredibly stupid. He hadn't changed a bit; his voice still had that deep undertone that caused shivers to crawl up and down my spine. Popuri glanced from her beloved to me in confusion, wondering how on earth we could have met beforehand. And then, a glimmer of recognition sparked in Kai's eyes.

"Wait a minute…Claire? Claire Banks? How long's it been?" he asked, grinning.

"Too long," I murmured, transfixed. "Far, far too long."

"I'm sorry, do you two know each other?" Popuri questioned, despite knowing the obvious answer she would receive.

I bit my lip and looked at Kai, hoping he'd take the bait and explain. Right then, I wasn't sure I could think clearly. The way he had spoken my name resounded in my head over and over again, and I savored the musical quality of his voice. And the way he smiled--

"We've known each other since we were kids," Kai explained with a laugh. "We were best friends back then. Haven't seen you since graduation, though."

"Yeah, graduation," I repeated dumbly.

"Oh, how cute! You guys were playmates?" Popuri exclaimed. "This is so great! I mean, you've already met and everything...how amazing is this?"

"Pretty amazing," Kai agreed, putting his arm around her. "It's a small world, huh?"

"No kidding," I breathed. A little _too_ small.

"Anyway, I'm glad that the maid of honor is you, Claire," Kai said, turning to me. "I was afraid it might be Karen...she might've shown up drunk. But I didn't have to worry, I guess. Popuri has great taste in friends."

"Oh, no, I'm honored," I blushed, somehow uncomfortable with the way he held his arm around Popuri. She simply glowed at his touch, and her eyes sparkled as if to say, "Isn't he just perfect?!"

"We're honored that you'll agree to it!" Popuri giggled. "You almost never wear--"

"--Dresses," Kai and Popuri finished together.

"Well, people change, you know," I muttered, inwardly pleased and embarrassed that Kai remembered that little detail. "And I mean, if it's for a friend, I can put on a few frills..."

"Oh, Claire!" Popuri exclaimed suddenly. "Speaking of dresses, I'm not entirely sure my mom got your measurements right. Could you go check with her?"

"Right now?" I replied dubiously. "It's almost seven in the morning."

"Popuri's right," Kai added, giving his betrothed an understanding glance. "It'd be a good idea for you to go check with her while there's still time to fix the dress."

"...Oh." I crossed my arms and turned to go. "Well, I'm sure you two have a lot to catch up on, so--"

"See ya later, Claire!" Popuri smiled, glad that I had caught the hint that she wanted the two of them to be alone. I wasn't stupid. I could tell when I wasn't wanted.

My feet dragged me listlessly across the sand, and I stopped at the bridge. Against my better judgement, I turned back to see my best friend and her fiancé. My blue eyes widened as they drank in the sight of the two of them locked in a passionate kiss. The wind roared in my ears, but even it couldn't fill the silence that was eating me up inside.

The silence of loneliness. Of loss. Of regret.

And slowly, I started off towards Popuri's house once again, thanking God that no one could see my tears.

* * *

**End Chapter Note**: I know, how can Kai be engaged to Popuri the first summer Claire comes? And why didn't she recognise the name Kai when Popuri told her she was married? Well, on the first thing, let's just let it slide. (this IS fanfiction, after all) The second thing...well, Popuri couldn't really talk about Kai too often in Rick's presence, Claire was only mildly interested, and Claire hadn't really paid attention to Popuri when she talked about him before. So...I think that covers most of the plotholes. Thank you for reading! 


	2. Chapter 2: Letters

**Note**: I don't think I've ever had so much fun writing a fic. Seriously, I love writing in Claire's voice. I'm so happy that this much positive feedback has been given after just the first chapter! You have no idea how ecstatic every single review made me. This next chapter isn't quite as good as the first, but the third should have more plot and character interaction, so stay tuned for that. For now, please enjoy the second chapter of _Drowning in the Tide_.

**Chapter Two: Letters**

Sometimes, I wished that life wasn't so hard. That maybe everything could still be sorted into black and white, good guys and bad guys, and right and wrong. But the older we get, the more complex we become, and suddenly we're thrust into the gray area of maybes and possibilities. You're forced to sort out your feelings, but it can be a messy process.

Kai was one of those gray areas. So many emotions had bowled me over after that fleeting moment with him. And how had I responded? With short, simple sentences and a blank confused stare. After all, how could I have expected to find him here in Mineral Town, of all places? Wasn't _he_ the one who had always dreamed of exciting voyages to far-off lands, full of excitement and intrigue? How on earth did he end up here?

And why...why was I so flustered and hurt after seeing him again? I wiped a tear off my cheek and forced myself to smile. Shouldn't I be happy? After all those years, wondering if he were alive and okay, if maybe he was thinking of me, too...you'd think I'd be ecstatic to find him again.

If only Popuri hadn't found him first.

"Claire, you're here early," Lillia exclaimed as she opened the door for me. "I thought you were with Popuri at the beach."

"I was," I replied. "She's hanging out with Kai right now, though."

"Oh, were you a third wheel?" she laughed, inviting me inside. "Popuri probably just wants to keep Kai all to herself before the wedding. The poor dear, she only gets to see him every summer, you know. The long-distance relationship certainly took its toll on her."

"Yeah, they can be rough on a girl," I nodded, biting back my indignation. Poor Popuri? Last time I'd checked, my best friend was engaged to the most wonderful man alive and couldn't be happier. How on earth could I pity the luckiest girl in the world? Honestly.

"Well, at any rate, I'm glad Kai is the one marrying her," Lillia continued. "As much as I hate to see her leave, I can't blame her for wanting to. It's silly to think that such a pretty and talented girl could stay cooped up here in Mineral Town forever, I suppose."

A sad look crossed her blue eyes, and I decided it would be best to change the subject. The last thing I wanted was for Lillia to have a breakdown on me.

"Hey, Popuri asked me to see if my measurements for the bridesmaids dress are right. Would you mind checking it for me?" I suggested, clearing my throat. Lillia blinked for a moment, as if she hadn't heard what I said.

"Oh…the dress? Oh, right, the dress," she understood belatedly. Walking over to a nearby shelf, Lillia took down a soft pastel fabric the color of rosebuds. The subtle shade of pink didn't surprise me, and yet I felt a little alarmed as I realized that _I_ would have to wear it.

As if dresses weren't bad enough.

"A lovely color, don't you think?" Lillia beamed. "It'll compliment Popuri really well."

But Popuri wouldn't be the one wearing it. I would, and so would Elli, and Ann, and Mary, and Karen. Karen would probably be the only one who could pull it off, though. No surprise there.

I stood still as Lillia wrapped the measuring tape about my waist, scribbling down a few notes before proceeding to measure the rest of my body.

"You haven't grown any since I last measured you, dear," Popuri's mother reaffirmed, standing up. "But…goodness, do you smell that?"

My face turned red as I realized she was referring to my clothes.

"Er, oh yeah, Popuri said I could borrow an outfit of hers," I mumbled. "Do you care if I just go up there and change or something…?"

"Go right ahead," she smiled.

I bolted up the stairs and entered my best friend's bedroom. The scent of freshly picked flowers wafted in, and I turned to see a single rose sitting in a glass vase on her nightstand. I smiled to myself. How like Popuri, to surround herself in beauty.

After some trial and error, I found where she kept her clothes and, after realizing that there were no pants or overalls to be found, I pulled out a light blue sundress. I figured she had never really worn it, so it wouldn't hurt if I borrowed it for a bit. She'd been wearing those long old-style gowns lately with the bodices, after all.

I shed my sweaty overalls and felt the cool fabric of the sundress touch my sun-burned skin. Probably better quality than those old denim overalls I'd been wearing lately, I reasoned. And yet, it felt awkward, almost as if I was stepping into a life I didn't belong to.

Wistfully, I gazed at myself in the mirror before turning back to gather together my clothes. As I did so, my eyes caught sight of something tucked under Popuri's vase. Was that…a letter? My curiosity got the better of me, and, after making sure no one was in the room, I proceeded to examine the hidden envelope. The faint scent of the ocean lingered on the paper as I pulled it free from its container, and I let out a short gasp as I recognized the sloppy handwriting.

"Hey, beautiful.

How long has it been since I last gazed into your eyes? Too long, I'd have to say, because everywhere I go I'm still thinking of you. Right now, I'm enroute to this place called Flowerbud. It's a lot like Mineral Town, actually. But bigger. I've been all over the world, you know, and seen all sorts of people and things. You wouldn't believe half of the stories I have to tell! But I'd have to say, nothing compares to seeing your smile. That is a treasure the rest of the world just can't offer me. Hope this letter reaches you soon. Or if you're lucky, I'll reach you first.

Love you, Poppy.

Kai."

Poppy. The name shook me out of the trance his words had placed me under. Poppy. Not Claire, but Poppy. Foolishly, foolishly I had almost for a brief second…actually thought that the letter was…was…

For me.

My fingers stroked the paper almost reverently, and I felt a pang of jealousy surge through me. Why had he never written to me? If I was going to waste my nights worrying about him, then why couldn't he have sent me one measly letter? Didn't I deserve to know that he was safe and sound? Didn't I?

…No, of course not. I had been discarded like yesterday's garbage into the recesses of his memory. What was I but a figment of his adolescence, a playmate from his childhood?

But still, why couldn't he write to me? Why couldn't he…

"_Write to me, Kai," I begged, hugging my legs close to me. "It'll be so boring without you here for the summer—why do you have to go on that stupid business trip anyway?"_

"_My dad wants me to get a feel for business," he replied, rolling his eyes. "At least you'll be having more fun than me. There isn't a beach where we're going."_

"_Are you kidding me?" I gasped. "No beach? That's like—like—so mean of him!"_

"_I know," Kai sighed._

"_And what does he mean, 'get a feel for business'? You're only twelve for Goddess's sakes!" I glowered. "I mean, it's bad enough that you'll be stuck with a ton of old guys talking about blah-business stuff, but I won't have anything to do while you're gone!"_

"_Claire, relax," Kai grinned, putting his arm around my shoulder. "I'll write to you. Sure, this summer will suck, but it'll suck for both of us. We'll get through it together."_

"…_You promise you'll write?" I insisted, turning to him with pleading blue eyes._

"_Hey, I swear it. Cross my heart and hope to die," he promised. A small smile crept across my lips._

"_Yeah, I'll write back," I nodded. "But you know what?"_

"_What?"_

"_I bet you my summer will suck worse than yours."_

"_I'll take that bet on," Kai decided, putting out his hand. "Loser has to eat an egg raw."_

"_Ew, are you kidding me?" I gagged. "A raw egg?"_

"_What, too chicken?"_

_I didn't have to think twice before shaking his hand._

"_Chicken? You wish."_

If I hadn't told Kai that my Aunt Myrtle had died that summer, I probably would feel very differently about eggs. Thankfully, I had been blessed with the natural talent of a skillful liar, and therefore got to watch Kai eats his own words.

He had kept his promise, though. By now, those letters had probably either been thrown out, gotten lost while moving to Mineral Town, or were simply covered in junk that I was too lazy to organize. I hadn't preserved them like Popuri had. But then again, my letters were written by a child, not a lover. They had seemed empty of the love that Popuri's letters contained.

Instead, he had written to me out of boredom.

But even now, what I wouldn't give to receive just one letter from him, just to know he cared. Just to know that he had forgiven me, for all that had happened back then. What I wouldn't give to just turn back the clock and—

"What are you doing up here?"

I whirled about, crushing the letter in my fist behind my back. My chest heaved up and down as shaky breaths emerged from my throat, shocked at the arrival of this sandy-haired intruder.

"J-just borrowing a dress," I stammered, my cheeks burning. "That's all."

"Oh, really? Is that all?" Rick's eyes narrowed a bit as he saw the poorly disguised look of humiliation on my face. "Well, it just looked like you were busy."

"What, I'm not allowed to look around?" I retorted. "You think I'm snooping around your house or something?"

"I didn't say that," he replied, scratching his head in thought. "You hiding something?"

"What?"

"Behind your back."

"Oh…that's nothing," I laughed uncertainly. Obviously my lying abilities had gotten rusty with age.

"You okay?" he asked, eyeing me through his glasses. "Everything alright? You seem…nervous."

"Everything's fine," I insisted, backing up. "I just came to get some measurements done, actually, but then I had to change and—ahhh!" Slipping backward, my elbow crashed into the glass vase, causing it to fall and smash against the nightstand. Water dribbled down across the broken glass, and the papers that had laid there became virtually unreadable as the ink merged the letters together.

"Are you hurt?" Rick gasped as he helped me up. "That was a nasty fall right there."

"Urgh…probably just a bruise," I groaned. "I'm more worried about the vase."

"It's not gonna get fixed in this condition. Popuri won't be too happy about that," Rick agreed.

"…You won't tell her I did this, right?"

"Like I want to bring bad news to her before the big wedding day," he smiled wryly. "Relax, it was just an accident. You sure you're okay?"

"Yeah," I muttered, dropping the letter under the nightstand while Rick left to get a towel. "Everything's just fine."

But that was the problem. Everything was falling apart.


	3. Chapter 3: Snow Cones

**Note**: Twenty reviews for two chapters? Wow, people must like this. It's officially more popular than any one-shot I've ever written. (laughs) Actually, I had a different chapter planned for this, but I scrapped it today and wrote another one. It just didn't….feel right. And I want this story to be good. I have many plans for it. (nods) Anyway! Thanks again for all the support from the readers and reviewers. I'll do my best not to let you down!

**Chapter Three: Snow Cones**

Funny how we insist on holding onto the past so firmly. We refuse to accept the way things are, and keep saying "If only I had…" or "Why didn't I…" as if we could change everything. We agonize over our mistakes, repeatedly telling ourselves that _next_ time we'll do better and _next_ time we won't be so foolish.

And meanwhile, the future passes us by.

"Um….Claire?" The pink-haired maiden paused before approaching me, cocking her head at me curiously. "What are you doing?"

"Farming." I jammed my hoe into the earth, grunting a bit as I pulled it through the dirt. "I do it for a living, you know. Is that really so weird?"

"Well, no, but…you're usually asleep this early," Popuri explained, uncomfortable. "I don't think I've ever seen you awake at this hour by your own free will."

"I couldn't sleep," I said simply, wiping the sweat off of my brow. "Too much was on my mind, I guess."

"Oh… I'm sorry you had such a rough night," she smiled apologetically.

"Eh, what can you do? It is what it is."

Popuri nodded. "Yeah, I guess so. Well, actually, I'm here because I wanted to ask you a favor. But if you're busy, I totally understand."

"Ask away. Nothing I plant ends up growing anyway," I shrugged. "What's the deal?"

She twirled a strand of her hair before replying.

"Kai's getting the shop ready now, but I thought that maybe we should start the actual planning of the wedding. The details and such. You know, the little touches."

"…How am I supposed to help with stuff like that?" I questioned, raising an eyebrow. "That's more your forte than mine."

"But you're really getting at choosing stuff, Claire!" she insisted. "I mean, I'll find myself debating between five different things, but you know right away what you want. And Kai's a sweetheart, but he is as dumb as a rock when it comes to things like this. So, please? It'll be more fun this way, too!"

Oh God, she was pouting.

"Fine," I sighed, tossing the hoe to the ground. "I'll help you plan your wedding."

"Thank you!" she squealed, giving me a hug. "I knew I could count on you!"

And the next thing I knew, Popuri was dragging me to the Snack Shack. To be honest, I hadn't really noticed the building before. I hadn't had too many reasons to go to the beach, so when I saw the restaurant, I was mildly surprised.

"So this is what Kai did with his life," I murmured, a grin easing its way across my lips. "Heh, I guess those hours in Home Economics really paid off after all."

"Kai is an awesome cook," Popuri beamed. "Hey…when you two knew each other, did you ever get a chance to eat his cooking?"

"That depended on whether or not we could partner up under Ms. Ferris's watchful eye," I laughed. "You know how some teachers have that bad habit of picking favorites?"

"Mhm?"

"I was definitely not her favorite," I admitted. "But Kai, now that was different. The old bat simply adored him. Not only was he a male student taking the course, but he was _good_ at it. Probably the only class he got an A in, too."

Popuri giggled. "He never told me about that. Kai was a teacher's pet?"

"What lies is she telling you?"

Both of us turned to see said teacher's pet in the doorway, wielding a pan and an apron. I froze under the gaze of his dark eyes, and my knees buckled. Since when was it so hard to breathe?

"Claire was just telling me about the good old days in Ms. Ferris's class. You took Home Ec? How very manly of you," she teased.

"Wow Claire, I've only been here a day and already you're embarrassing me," Kai grinned. "I'll have to ask you not to tell Popuri all about my adolescence, alright? I don't deserve a girl like her as it is."

"Don't be silly," Popuri giggled, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "I think it's cute. Besides, I love a man who can cook."

"I knew there was a plus in not being a jock," Kai laughed as he leaned in and returned her kiss with another on the lips.

I coughed gently, suddenly uncomfortable around all this affection and flirting. Both of them caught onto my discomfort more or less, and Kai welcomed us both inside his shack.

Gazing at the room, I found myself amazed at the clean layout and homey feel the space had. Since when was Kai so organized? My fingers traced across the surface of the tables, the wood surprisingly smooth. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that Kai had been the one to do all this. It defied all those years of procrastination and laziness that I had shared with him.

"Either of you girls hungry?" he asked, setting himself behind the counter.

"Ooh, I'll have a snow cone!" Popuri exclaimed, turning to me. "What about you, Claire?"

"I haven't had a snow cone in ages," I replied. "I guess I'll have one, too."

Kai nodded. "Two snow cones, coming right up. Any flavors in mind?"

"Make it a surprise!" Popuri decided. "It'll be more fun if we have to guess, right, Claire?"

I shook my head in amusement. Popuri could act so childish sometimes.

"Okay then, two surprise snow cones," he grinned. "Tell you what, if you guess it correctly, I'll let you both eat free."

"You mean I would've had to pay?" Popuri complained.

"Yeah, you never said anything about that," I protested.

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding!" Kai insisted. "Sheesh, women…" After filling two cones with the flavored ice, Kai handed them to us. Popuri eagerly took hers and began to scarf it down.

"Mm…" she sighed. "It's so fruity…maybe…cherry?"

"You're close," Kai encouraged her.

"Berry?"

"Getting warmer."

"Oh, oh!" she exclaimed. "It's strawberry!"

"And we have a winner," Kai chuckled. "They say third time's the charm."

He wiped the ice off of Popuri's nose with a napkin, and she giggled. I found myself once again the third wheel. Why on earth did they have to look so cute together? Even if no one had told me the two were a couple, I'm sure I could've figured it out. Just by the way they gazed into each other's eyes…

"_Are you and Kai a couple?"_

_I turned to see the speaker, a cute red-head dressed in a trendy tank top and miniskirt. She was chewing on gum obnoxiously, and her eyes stared at me from under heaps of mascara._

"_Um, we're friends," I replied, going back to class._

"_But are you boyfriend and girlfriend? Or just friends?" she persisted. "Like, are you two going to homecoming together?"_

"…_Well, we'd planned on it, but no one had really asked either of us yet," I treaded carefully. "I guess if someone else asked, we wouldn't go together, but I wouldn't bet on it."_

_Immediately, I regretted what I'd just said. A smile lit up her face and she gave her gum a satisfied smack._

"_Heh, thanks hon," she smiled, winking. "You know, it must be great to be friends with Kai, eh? A good-looking guy like that must be able to hook you up with some of the hottest guys in school. You're one lucky girl."_

_Somehow, I managed to keep my anger in check as the irritating red-head started off to class. Lucky girl? She knew nothing about me. Or Kai for that matter. There was no way he would say yes to a creep like that._

_Or at least I hoped not._

Once again, the familiar feeling of jealousy creeped into my heart. Caging me with its green tendrils of envy, I fought to keep my sanity about me. This wasn't the same as back then. If Kai had been engaged to some stranger, then that would be different. I could justify the anger and bitterness swelling within me.

But Popuri? How could anyone hate her? Her aura resonated practically every positive emotion you could think of. She was helpful, kind, considerate, cute, naïve…no, I couldn't lash out at her. And yet, she had dared to violate an unspoken bond that I _knew_ existed between Kai and I. I mean, I had known him first…I'd--I'd known him my whole life! How could he choose her over me? Was it wrong to be spiteful? Didn't I have a right to be angry? What…what had I done to deserve this?

But I knew the answer to that question all too well.

"What about you, Claire?"

"Excuse me?" I exclaimed, having successfully zoned out of the conversation.

"The flavor, have you figured it out yet?"

"Oh." Slowly I brought the ice to my lips, taking a cautious lick.

"You won't get any taste that way," Popuri chided me. "Take a bite!"

"Just give me a second," I insisted, taking in the smell of the dessert. "Got it."

Kai crossed his arms. "Mind telling us?" he inquired.

"Pineapple," I decided, staring at him squarely. "This is definitely pineapple."

"And you're definitely correct," Kai reaffirmed me. "And on your first try, too."

"Wow, you're good at this game," Popuri complimented me.

"It's nothing," I muttered in response. "Listen, um, aren't we here to talk about the wedding?" Better to just get it out of the way.

"The wedding?" Kai blinked. "Wait, you're dragging Claire into this? I thought you had everything under control, Poppy—"

"Oh, come on, Kai!" Popuri begged. "I'll have so much more fun this way, and besides, you said yourself that you didn't want to get too involved in the planning."

"Well, that's true, but…Claire, do you mind?" he questioned with a defeated sigh. "The truth is, I'm no good at this stuff, and it would be great if we could have a third opinion."

"It's no problem," I lied. "Really. How could I pass up the opportunity to help my two best friends plan the most wonderful day of their lives?"

"Is she the greatest friend ever or what?" Popuri squealed.

"Claire's one of a kind," Kai agreed, smiling at me. "So, I guess we should get down to business."

"Yup," Popuri nodded, folding her hands on the table. I took a bite of my snow cone.

Kai sighed. "At the moment, there's one glaring problem we haven't settled yet."

"What's that?" I inquired.

"The best man," Popuri explained. "See, we were going to have Cliff, but since he left…well, it was before you moved in, Claire, so you wouldn't know."

"He was my roommate," Kai continued. "Basically, his job wouldn't pay enough for him to keep staying at the inn, so he had to hightail out of here on the first boat to the mainland. I wrote to him, but there's no way he can make it in time."

"So, we're one man short," Popuri finished.

I gasped. "…You mean you don't have any close guy friends here at all?"

"The doctor and I aren't even on a first name basis, and Gray—well, Gray and I aren't exactly the closest roommates. He comes home from work in the absolute worst moods," Kai sighed.

"Oh, well there's an easy solution," I announced, taking another bite of the snow cone. "Rick's gonna be your brother-in-law, right? Why not choose him?"

Silence.

"Claire," Kai began, clearing his throat, "have you ever happened to talk to Rick about me?"

"Uh, well, I guess not," I admitted. "Should I have?"

"Ricky doesn't exactly like Kai," Popuri informed me.

"…That's an understatement," Kai sighed. "The guy just doesn't warm up to me for some reason. He's of the opinion that I'm a creep obsessed with chasing girls and making out."

I snorted.

"We're talking about you, right?" I laughed. "Haha! How on earth did he get _that_ impression?"

"Ricky doesn't like it when I date older men," Popuri mumbled. "It's so frustrating sometimes."

"I'm surprised he hasn't complained about the marriage yet," Kai added.

"Are you sure he's upset about the wedding?" I asked, finding to my disappointment that my snow cone had melted. "I talked to him the other day, and he seemed cool about it."

Kai shrugged. "Well, who knows? He's going to be my brother, so maybe we should just try and get along a bit. Alright, he'll be the best man."

"Okay!" Popuri exclaimed. "One thing done!"

"Well, I guess that's all for today then, huh?" I spoke, standing up to go. In all honesty, I didn't want to talk any more about this wedding than I had to. It was bad enough that Kai was getting married; it was even worse that I had to put on a good face for his fiancé.

"Oh, Claire, please don't go yet," Popuri insisted. "We still have to figure out what flowers to use, and whether the cake should be vanilla or chocolate, and—"

"I get it, alright?" I groaned, sitting down once again. "I'll…help."

"You sure?" Kai questioned me.

I merely gave him a helpless look. For after all, what could I say? Nothing I could do would change the fact that he was marrying Popuri.

But dear Harvest Goddess, what I wouldn't give to try.


	4. Chapter 4: Mysteries

**Note**: Eep! Somehow the number of reviews here has surpassed that of my eleven chapter Zelda fic! Anyway…Fate Stay/Night, you have no idea how I'm itching to answer all of your questions! But that would be spoiling, so these lips are sealed. Don't worry: this plot has been planned out, so there is a reason for it all. But yes, I thought I should clarify one thing: Claire and Kai knew each other from preschool to senior graduation in high school. This chapter, the plot gets more complex. Yup, it's not just about Claire and Kai anymore. That's all for now. Read and review, please!

**Chapter Four: Mysteries**

There are questions that will never be answered. Why are some lovers star-crossed while others are blessed? Does love-at-first-sight exist? Is there really such a thing as a happy ending? And does a memory ever truly fade away…or will it always remain, forever staining one's soul with guilt?

Perhaps it's better not to know some answers.

"And…that's about it," I sighed, folding up the list and placing it once again in my rucksack. "Got it all, Jeff?"

The shopkeeper nodded uncertainly, probably inwardly fussing over whether or not he had forgotten a tiny detail. Not that I could blame him. The amount of orders Popuri had requested for her wedding was staggering; if she hadn't written it all down, I know that I couldn't have recalled more than a third of the items.

Shaking my head, I closed my eyes and let out a little groan. I knew Popuri and Kai were expecting me at the Snack Shack, but honestly I wasn't in the mood to be their go-to girl. It had taken an hour for them to decide whether or not Kai should bake the cake; Popuri insisted that she wanted a professional, but Kai argued so fiercely that she finally conceded to his demand.

And me? I merely nodded when it was appropriate and occasionally shrugged. A third party has no business in a lover's quarrel.

"What did I ever do to you?"

Perplexed, I turned to see a distraught Rick glaring at me from under wide-rimmed spectacles. It took a moment for my mind to register what he'd said before I replied with a blatant, "Excuse me?"

"The wedding. Why on earth did you get me mixed up in this mess?" he accused.

I laughed despite myself. "I want to ask Popuri that question every waking minute of the day. Join the club."

"But you don't understand," Rick insisted, trying his best to calm down. "This—wedding thing is hard enough on its own, you know? And now I have to be a part of it."

"I repeat: join the club."

My unsympathetic answer clearly didn't satisfy him. "Claire, I have nothing against you," he began slowly. "But I think it's only fair to warn you that I don't approve of this marriage at all, and your decision just might ruin the wedding for Popuri."

"You'll be the one to answer to that, Rick. Not me," I reminded him. "If you decide to spaz during the ceremony, you know that Popuri won't just forgive-and-forget. She'll hold on to that grudge for the rest of her life."

"Listen, I--! I know that, okay?" he added more gently as he noticed Jeff casting us suspicious looks. Once the shopkeeper had retreated to the back room, Rick continued. "Don't think I haven't realized how much this means to Popuri. But can't I back out of this somehow? Please, Claire?"

A lesser being would have faltered at the sight of his piteous expression. I, however, remained unfazed.

"You'll be a great best man, Rick," I assured him. "Hey, I believe in you."

"…Sarcasm?"

"Debatable."

Crossing his arms, the poultry farmer let out a defeated sigh. I could tell he wanted to lash out at me, but his better judgment prevented him from doing so. After all, I wasn't who he was really angry at. From what I could tell, it was directed at Kai.

"I guess…I'll just have to cope, huh?" he muttered.

I nodded. "It's been working for me so far."

"Liar."

His response was unexpected. A protest immediately sounded from my throat, but I was so confused that it became a mumble of unintelligible stammerings.

"How can you just—what are you—I—"

Rick gave me a weary look, and immediately I shut up. After a brief period of silence, I found my confidence once again, and asked, "Why would you say something like that?"

He thought a bit before replying. "Because it's true," he said finally. "I saw the way you looked yesterday…like—I don't know—as if all the joy had been sucked out of you. I can't really explain it."

"Well, you're wrong," I announced derisively. "I'm doing just fine. The idea of Popuri moving away so soon is bothering me a bit, that's all." The lie sprung to my lips naturally—so naturally in fact that I was fooled for a second myself.

Rick shrugged a bit. "Yeah, she's always been a small-town girl. I'm worried about her going out into the world as well."

"Hey, the world's a rough place," I agreed. "But she'll have Kai with her…she'll do just fine. Just fine."

Leaning against the counter, I let out a tiny sigh as I ran my fingers through my straw-colored hair. Rick joined me and for a moment, all was quiet. But my mind was screaming so loudly I felt the whole world could hear.

"_Kai, how could you?" _

_The boy sent me a confused glance, unsure as to whether or nor he should be concerned._

"_Do what?" he asked._

_I glared. "You know very well what! That---that creepy girl! You're going to homecoming with her. I heard about it in history—everyone's talking about it."_

"_Well, Nikki asked me to go, so I thought I should say yes," he shrugged. "It's really no big deal, Claire. Hasn't anyone asked you yet?"_

"_W-what?"_

"_Hasn't anyone asked you to homecoming yet?" Kai repeated._

_Biting my lip, I averted my eyes from his oblivious smile. "It doesn't matter," I stated finally. "I just wished you'd told me beforehand—I mean, I thought we would be going together as friends. Like we always do."_

"_Oh…Look, I didn't know it meant that much to you," he apologized, his smile fading. "Listen, I'm sure I could find someone to go with you—do you mind having a blind date?"_

"_It's fine," I muttered, putting my hands in my pockets. "I-I don't like dances anyway. See you in Home Ec?"_

"_Yeah," he nodded, unconvinced. He put his arm around me and gave me a reassuring hug. "Smile, alright? I'm not marrying her or anything. It's no big deal."_

"_Mhm," I replied. "It's no big deal at all."_

_Of course it wasn't. Just because no one had asked me to homecoming didn't mean that this was a big deal. Just because some random girl stole Kai away didn't mean that I should freak out._

_No, it was no big deal at all._

"Do you see that?"

Rick's voice startled me out of my reverie. Looking up, I saw that he was gesturing to small feather sitting alone in the corner of the shop. Dust caked its soft but elegant blue form, and a shockingly high price-tag sat beside it proudly.

"The blue feather?" I answered. "Yeah. It's a bit pricey, don't you think?"

He shook his head and let out a chuckle. "I forget, you're new to this town's traditions. A blue feather is the equivalent to an engagement ring in the city. It's used to propose."

"…Oh. I didn't know that," I commented, really only half-interested. "Looks like it's been here awhile."

"Yeah," he agreed, putting his hands behind his head. "There are a few speculations as to who ordered it—though no one knows for sure. Some people think the doctor ordered it to propose to Elli—but he gave her a wedding ring when they were engaged; he's never been one for superstition and tradition."

"So…it would be Kai then, right?" I reasoned.

"Kai got his feather from some merchant out west, apparently," Rick informed me. "I'm willing to bet the person who ordered it was one of two people: Cliff or Jack."

"…I'm sorry, who and who?" I repeated, furrowing my brow. "No one here has those names."

Rick chuckled to himself once again. "Sorry, sorry. I'm sure Kai told you about Cliff—he was supposed to be the best man, you know."

"Yeah, now that I think about it, Kai mentioned a Cliff," I admitted. "But Jack? Now that's a new name to me."

"You know how you weren't the first farmer to move in to the old farm?" Rick began. "There were a lot of city folk who tried their hand at farm-work and failed. Only one person lasted almost as long as you have, and that was Jack."

"Why'd he leave?" I questioned, piqued. "Was it the work? Because that is no picnic, I can tell you."

"…I don't know what it was," Rick sighed. "He just got up and left one morning, without so much as a reason why. Kinda like a tornado—he crashed into the town fast enough, but he was gone before we knew it. An odd one, that Jack."

"But…why would he need a blue feather? Or Cliff for that matter?" I insisted. "Who would he give--?"

The sound of the back door opening interrupted our conversation. A lovely young woman walked in, her emerald eyes staring at us from under her honey-blonde tresses. A curved figure was noticeable from under her violet vest—one much more appealing than my own, I was reluctant to admit.

"Rick, what are you doing here?" she asked him, casting me a mildly curious glance. "I haven't seen you all that often lately."

"Sorry, Karen, a lot has been going on," Rick shrugged. "I've just been chatting with Claire."

"Oh, alright then." She pursed her lips at me thoughtfully. "Claire, are you aiming to buy something today? Cause I can't allow loitering."

I shook my head. "I was just ordering some stuff for Popuri—for the wedding, and all. Rick just so happened to run into me here."

"Did he? Huh. Anyway, it's nice to see you two. I feel like I barely get to see anyone anymore. It's just tough to try and keep up a social life with work," she smiled. To my astonishment, the smile was genuine. The vibe I had been getting from this girl since I had moved here had always been very cold and sharp, as if she'd snap at you without a second thought.

But this…was unexpected.

"Well, I can see that you're busy, Karen, so we'll just go," Rick interjected swiftly. "Maybe I'll see you in the morning sometime?"

"…Maybe," she answered distantly. "I don't know, Rick. I just don't know."

"That's fine," he sighed as he started towards the door. "Hey, I understand if you have plans. Come on, Claire."

"What?"

"I said, come on."

As he dragged me out the door, I jerked my arm out of his grasp. "What was that all about?" I accused. "Any reason you had to leave so soon?"

"…Claire, there are some questions you don't like being asked," Rick warned me. "I'd rather you let me be on this one."

"At least tell me about the blue feather rumors, then," I insisted. "You can't just start a story like that and not finish it."

He paused and grinned slightly.

"Tell you what. You tell me why Popuri's wedding has got you acting so weird lately, and I'll tell you about Cliff and Jack. Fair enough?"

"…It's not like I care anyway," I muttered, glowering at him. "It's just a silly rumor, and I'm sure Manna could tell me as much."

"Oh, I don't know," Rick responded. "More goes on in this town than you realize. Everyone you've seen today has a story, whether you know it or not. In fact, I'm willing to bet you have one heck of a story locked up in that blonde brain of yours."

"…Are you cracking a dumb blonde joke?" I groaned.

He merely laughed. As he started off towards his home, I felt a pang of guilt for not returning to the Snack Shack. God knows whether or not Popuri could orchestrate this wedding thing on her own. But the guilt subsided as I realized that I was tired, and what I wouldn't give for a nap in my own bed.

Unfortunately, there is no rest for the weary and no hiding from pink-haired brides.


	5. Chapter 5: Waiting

**Note: **Ack! I'm a week late updating! My apologies. As for your marvelous reviews, I've noticed that everyone seems to make Kai out to be the cause of Claire's heartache. Is he really? And interesting how all of your opinions on Karen are different…and she only had one or two paragraphs! Excellent. You're all paying attention. Okay, okay, I'll stop gloating and let you read. Enjoy.

**Chapter Five: Waiting**

Waiting. It seems we're always waiting. For our next paycheck, for summer vacation, for the next season of our favorite TV show—we're always waiting for something. But strangely enough, once we obtain what we've been waiting for, it tends to slip out of our grasp in the blink of an eye.

And once again, we find ourselves longing for something more.

"We're about to close, Claire."

I looked up from my glass of wine and saw Ann in front of me with her hands on her hips and a bill in her hand. I groaned at the sight of the little slip of paper staring at me with one too many zeros.

"I really need to farm more," I muttered as I took the receipt and signed it. "My income is disappearing way too fast."

Taking the money and my glass, the waitress offered me a sympathetic smile.

"Try living off of tips," she groaned. "Villagers here have no concept of the fifteen-percent rule. It's a good thing I wear overalls; I can't imagine buying fancy designer clothes with the money I make."

"I hear that," I nodded in agreement. "Nothing wrong with some good old fashioned overalls."

"You got that right," the red-head laughed.

As Ann started off towards the kitchen, I drummed my fingers on the table anxiously. Once the Inn closed, I'd have nowhere but my farm to spend the night. And as tired as I was becoming, I realized that sleep just wouldn't come to me. Maybe I was thinking too much as I lay awake in bed.

Maybe I had too many regrets.

"Hey, Ann, need any help in there?" I called as I stood up.

"Everything's fine," was her reply. "Just doing some last-minute dishes."

Despite her insistence, I entered the room and began to rinse some particularly greasy plates. She turned to me questioningly, her braid somewhat askew from working at the Inn all day.

"You don't need to help."

"I'm bored," I shrugged. "I need something to do."

This made her grin a bit.

"I thought you needed to farm more," she reprimanded me.

"I said I _needed_ to. I never said I _wanted_ to," I corrected her. "Could you pass me that dish rag over there?"

"Oh, sure." She handed it to me and then continued to clean out a glass. "It's weird that you don't like farming, y'know."

"Hm?"

She sighed as a particularly sticky area on the glass refused to be washed off. "Well, you knew you were buying a farm, right? You should've expected the work."

"Oh, you know us city girls," I replied sarcastically. "Dumb blondes without a clue about the working-world and our heads full of country fantasies."

"No, really," she persisted. "Why'd you buy the farm?"

"Why'd Jack buy the farm?"

The effect my predecessor's name had on the tomboy was somewhat unexpected. Her blue eyes widened in shock and the glass dangled loosely in her grip.

"How do you know about him?" she challenged me.

I shrugged. "You hear a few things around town."

"What did you hear?"

"Not much," I admitted. "Did something happen with him?"

Now done with the glass, Ann began to scrub a plate furiously. "Oh, Jack…Jack was an idiot. End of story."

"Sounds to me like that story was abridged."

"Shut up! You don't have to know everything, alright?"

The retort stunned me momentarily. The red head glared at me, then as she noticed the shock her words had placed upon me, she turned away in embarrassment.

"Claire…look, I didn't mean to snap at you. It's just—well, Jack is a touchy topic in this town," she sighed. "It'd probably be a good idea for you to avoid talking about him. Personally, I don't have much love for the guy. He was a jerk, he abused his farm, and he treated the villagers like dirt."

"So, he wouldn't buy a blue feather?"

She stared at me incredulously.

"Since when did you care so much about the guy?" Ann asked me.

"Curious, that's all."

"Well, I doubt he'd buy one," she said thoughtfully. "He didn't seem like the kind of guy who'd settle down. If he did, I pity the woman unlucky enough to be his wife."

She put her plate down and let out a little sigh. "Well, that's the last one. Thanks for your help, Claire."

"No problem."

She played with her braid in boredom.

"It's late…we're supposed to be closed, actually. I need to sweep up," she informed me. "I'm gonna have to ask you to go. We only have one broom, you know."

I smiled.

"Hey, I understand. I'll just find some other place to hang out," I told her.

"Why don't you go to bed? You look exhausted."

I scratched my head. "Eh, I seem to be turning into an insomniac lately. It's no big deal."

"Is Popuri's wedding stressing you out?" she asked. "I heard from Rick that you were corralled into helping her with it."

"Nah," I lied. "It's just a wedding, you know."

The waitress paused, and a soft smile spread its way across her lips. A downcast look appeared in her eyes, and she whispered, "Popuri's so lucky, isn't she?"

"I can't argue with that," I mumbled in agreement.

"Claire?" The red head turned to me imploringly. "Is it…is it wrong to be jealous of her? I mean, how many girls wish that they could marry the man of their dreams and actually get what they asked for? How many people get that once in a lifetime chance?"

And I felt like I could hear the unsaid words: "Before that chance is taken away."

_I stuffed my mouth full of cheese puffs as I sat myself down on the couch. Flipping the channels, I passed commercial after commercial until finally I settled on a concert live from New York. By the second verse, the bag of cheese puffs had already dwindled considerably._

"_Claire?" My mother stood in the doorway, examining my sweatpants and sloppy ponytail with distaste. "You're not going to homecoming dressed like that, are you?"_

"_Not going," I mumbled through the cheese puffs._

"_You're not? What about Kai?"_

"_He found some stupid Nikki girl and they're going to the stupid dance to do some stupid dancing to stupid music."_

_She merely stared at me blankly as I sulked in front of the TV screen._

"_Well, do you want to talk about it--?" Thankfully, she was interrupted by the sound of the doorbell ringing. I stopped eating cheese puffs long enough to stick my tongue out at a dumb car ad that had been repeatedly shown for the past ten minutes._

_My mother poked her head into the room once again._

"_Claire, you have a visitor."_

"_Tell whoever it is that I'm not here, that I'm at that homecoming freak show," I ordered her._

"_Now Claire, you don't know who it—"_

"_I want to be left alone, Mom! In case the unhealthy food and the comfy clothes didn't send that message to you to begin with, get lost! I need some alone time, okay?"_

_My teenage angst was returned with a long and steady glare from my mother._

"_Well then, I suppose I'll just tell Kai to leave, then," she announced, turning back to the door decisively._

_I froze. "Kai?"_

_In one split second, I bolted off of the couch and skidded to a stop in front of the door. And there he was: dressed in a tux with a corsage to boot. His dark eyes were smirking at me as they stared at my poorly groomed self._

"_Either you have horrible fashion sense, or you're not planning to go to homecoming," he laughed._

"_But Kai…why are you here?" I insisted, shooing my mother away with adamant gestures. "I thought you and Nikki—"_

"_Funny story," he began with a nervous chuckle. "Er, Nikki had one too many drinks before the dance, and so when we got there—let's just say she didn't make it past the adult supervision."_

"_Really?" I exclaimed, far more happy than I probably should have been. "So, you're not going to the dance?"_

"_Well, I had to take Nikki home, and then…I kind of realized that I'd have no fun at the dance by myself. So, I was thinking maybe you and I could, uh, do something together instead?"_

_By some miracle, I managed to stop myself from squealing in excitement._

"_S-sure," I replied, grinning from ear to ear._

"_Alright!" Kai smiled. "So, what do you want to do: go to homecoming or hang out here?"_

"_Are you kidding?" I laughed. "We have cheese puffs! And besides, homecoming is _so_ overrated."_

I closed the Inn door behind me and breathed in the fresh night air. By now, the entire village was probably asleep. As I started to walk along the cobblestone path, I let the sounds of nature resound in my ears: the hooting of an owl, the chirp of crickets, and the whispering of the wind.

Something about the darkness was strangely reassuring—as if it were blanketing the ugly feelings that I had kept a lid on for so long. Fastening my emotions under the seal of the loneliness of night, there was only me and the darkness. There was no Kai, no Popuri, nothing else.

Nothing else but my thoughts to keep me company.

As if I had been pulled by some magnetic force, I found myself standing on the shore of the beach. The moonlight reflected off the surface of the water, making it seem almost silver in the night. I stood on the sand, watching the waves roll along in their leisurely way until they crashed on the shore. And then, the water would pull back only to slam against the beach again.

"…Where are you?"

I stiffened as I realized someone other than myself had spoken. Turning about anxiously, I surveyed the beach until I noticed a shadow sitting upon the dock. Moonlight cascaded across her blonde hair, and she stared at the horizon with almost hollow eyes.

"Where are you?" she whispered again. "I'm waiting…I'm waiting just like I'd promised…so why…?"

For a few moments, I watched the girl upon the dock in some sort of bizarre fascination. Then as an awkward feeling settled in the pit of my stomach, I turned to go.

From what I could tell, Karen would prefer to be alone.


	6. Chapter 6: Something More

**Note: **Oh, I love all my reviewers SO much! (hugs you all) I really enjoy hearing your opinions on what might happen next…so far, no one's guessed the whole plot, so I'm safe. To be honest, this story started nagging at me near the end of summer, and I had the whole plot constructed in my mind within a day. Well, getting ideas is easy; it's the actual writing that's hard. Read and review, please!

**Chapter Six: Something More**

Everybody makes mistakes. The problem is, no one wants to own up to them. Then a blame game ensues: "He told me to—" or "She started it—" or "Well, nobody told me!" It's a process that's been around since Adam and Eve ate the apple. Nobody wants to step up to the plate and announce, "I'm sorry. It's all my fault."

Because to say that is to accept a burden no one wants to carry.

"Hey, where were you yesterday?" Kai asked as I entered the Snack Shack. "Popuri was worrying like crazy."

"Oh…sorry," I replied faintly. My blue eyes glanced about the restaurant in shock, realizing that I was _alone_ with him. A shiver traveled involuntarily up and down my spine, and I tried valiantly to keep my voice level. Strangely enough, this process only occurred when no one other than Kai was present. I couldn't remember anything like this happening in my youth. In fact…I couldn't remember feeling so nervous before, ever.

He adjusted his bandana and leaned against the counter casually.

"Well, don't worry about it. We got a lot done without you," Kai shrugged. "Did you get to unwind a bit?"

I paused thoughtfully. "I guess," I said at length. "Not as much as I would have liked."

"Isn't that the way it always is?" he replied with a sigh. "To be honest, I'm a little stressed myself. I had no idea weddings were so much work."

"Yeah," I agreed softly.

Silence.

"So…how'd you end up in Mineral Town, anyway?" Kai asked, sensing the unease that had settled into the conversation. "I thought you were taking the working world by storm."

"Very funny," I replied dryly. "I guess—I don't know, something about my dad's business didn't seem _right_. For me, I mean."

Kai stared at me as if he were about to say something, then thought better of it. Shaking his head, he looked away with a sigh as I watched him silently.

"…Look, I just—it's not my fault, alright, Kai?" I protested. "I know what you're thinking, and—"

"Claire, I'm over it. Really," was his reply. "It all turned out for the best, didn't it? No hard feelings."

His dark eyes flickered towards me and I found myself trembling under his gaze. Had everything really turned out for the best? No, this couldn't be what fate had intended. At least, this didn't seem like a happy ending to _me_. Jealousy and guilt ate me up inside, and I wanted to fling my arms around him and sob in his embrace.

Instead, I muttered, "I'm glad. I wouldn't want anything to be—well, _weird_—between us. Popuri's good for you. You two really click well."

"Popuri's the greatest," Kai smiled. "You know, it'll be different, traveling with someone else…but it'll be a good kind of different, you know? No more lonely nights at sea, no more anxiously waiting for letters, no more doubts. I—I'm just so lucky to have found that kind of love, to have someone willing to leave her old life completely behind for me. I…don't deserve someone like that."

"Yes, you do," I whispered, taking his hand in my own. "You deserve that more than anyone I know, Kai."

He began to respond when he was interrupted by the sound of the door opening. We both turned to see Rick enter with a parcel in his hand. He blinked at the sight of the two of us alone, then shook his head and put the package on the counter.

"Karen wanted me to deliver this to you," the poultry farmer mumbled. "Apparently your cake ingredients are in."

"That was quick," Kai exclaimed, letting go of my hand. "Well, tell Jeff and his family that I said thank you."

Rick's eyes narrowed at the traveler.

"Don't tell me what to do," he seethed. As he began to exit the Snack Shack, Rick paused and turned towards me. "Claire, I almost forgot. Popuri needs you to see her about something."

I glanced from Rick to Kai imploringly. Why, oh _why_ did I have to go now? This was my first time alone with Kai in years, and now I had to cater to the whims of an eighteen-year-old bride?

"Hurry up, Claire," Rick called. I stood up reluctantly and gave Kai a weary smile.

"Well, I guess I'll see you later," I muttered as I began to follow Popuri's brother out the door.

"Yeah," Kai nodded. "See you, Claire."

As soon as the door had closed, I shot Rick a murderous glare.

"Whatever Popuri wants, it better be pretty freaking important," I growled.

"Why? Was I interrupting anything?" he replied calmly.

I crossed my arms. "Yes, as a matter of fact, you were," I retorted.

"Well," he smirked, "join the club."

My mouth fell open in shock as I heard my own words reflected back at me. That sneaky little poultry farmer…he had no right to use sarcasm against me. I was supposed to using it on _him_.

"Aren't we talkative," Rick quipped as a few minutes passed in silence.

"It's my own business if I don't feel like talking," I retorted. "I'm kind of tired, alright?"

He turned to me and gave me a skeptical look from behind his spectacles. "You _look_ tired," he agreed. "How late have you been staying up, anyway? It's bad for you."

"It's a little odd," I admitted with a sigh. "First of all, I'm super stressed out and I think too much to even fall asleep at a decent hour. Whenever I do manage to fall asleep, I get these weird dreams and I wake up."

"Weird dreams?"

"Yeah," I nodded. "They're…almost like nightmares. I don't really know what to call them."

"Maybe you should see the doctor about it," Rick suggested.

I shrugged. "Maybe. I dunno, it's not that serious, anyway."

"You don't know that."

"Neither do you."

Once again, a lull appeared in our conversation, and I finally broke the tension with a subject change.

"You said that Karen asked you to deliver the cake ingredients?"

Rick blinked at the sound of the blonde's name. "Yeah," he replied. "She did."

"I saw her at the beach the other night," I said, hoping to elicit some sort of reaction. "Sitting on the dock."

"…She does that," Rick sighed.

"How long has she been doing it?" I insisted. "She sounded really upset—"

"She's fine, Claire," he told me firmly. "Leave her be."

"But—"

He cut me off with a disapproving look. I let out an agitated sigh.

"She sure trusts you, huh?" I said, crossing my arms.

"We trust each other with everything," was his automatic response. "I've known her since we were kids."

"Sounds nice. Having a good friend like that."

"You should know. Popuri told me about you and Kai," Rick explained as he caught my stunned expression. "How long would you say you've been friends?"

"Er…" I counted the years in my head. "Twenty years, give or take a few."

Rick whistled. "That long, huh?"

I nodded and felt his eyes scrutinizing me thoughtfully.

"You know…it's sort of surprising," he spoke finally.

"What?" I accused.

"That Kai is marrying someone else. I guess it's just that since you two have been friends for so long, you'd think some sort of romantic interest would develop. That's usually how these things go, anyway," he added quickly, seeing my face contort in rage.

"Well excuse me for not following the statistics, Dr. Phil," I exasperated, crossing my arms in annoyance. "Really, you think I'm the kind of girl to be swept away by romantic nonsense? Get your facts straight."

Rick's cheeks blushed a faint shade of scarlet at my response. "Look, I didn't mean to come off as judgmental or anything. It's just…I've had a close childhood friend, too, and I know that at some time or another you begin to view that person as _more_ than just a friend. If you know what I mean."

"Well," I replied at length, "I guess I've just never seen Kai as more than…well, Kai."

"Really?"

"Yeah," I nodded, knowing very well that I was lying through my teeth. "We've always just been friends. That's all we've ever been."

"_Stupid, stupid sports," I mumbled, staring at the list of the newly selected school volleyball team. Normally, I wouldn't be interested in something like that, but my mother had decided that I wasn't 'active' enough and I needed to try out for a sport. Kai had it easy; he was one of the fastest swimmers on the school swim team, and therefore actually enjoyed physical activity. Me?_

_As if._

_Knowing my athletic skills, it would be a miracle for me to make it on the volleyball team. Apparently, miracles are easy to find nowadays, because I made the final slot on the team. Some Shelly girl had broken her leg or something…I got bumped into her place._

_Yeah, not fun._

"_Did you, ya know, _do_ anything homecoming?"_

_At the sound of the approaching voices, I leaned against the gym door casually, trying not to be noticed by the boys leaving the locker-room._

"_I don't know what you're talking about," someone responded. My heart skipped a beat as I recognized the voice. After all, how could I forget it after hearing it for so many years?_

"_Man, you're too modest. Everyone knows about you two. Neither of you were seen at homecoming; I'm willing to bet you did something together that night."_

"_Yeah, Kai, did you score or what?"_

_I heard something that sounded like a laugh from my friend. "I didn't do anything quite like that on homecoming. I mean, we saw each other, but—"_

"_So you _are_ dating?"_

_A pause. "Well…no," Kai replied. "Not really. But it could happen. You never know."_

"_Kai, you're going to have to ask her sometime. This is getting incredibly pathetic."_

"_Shut up, alright? It's my life."_

"_Hey man, there's no shame in being a shy little mama's boy—"_

"_Shut up!"_

_The rest of the conversation became distorted as they walked further away. I breathed in relief at not being discovered and stepped out of the shadows cautiously. Kai, scoring with a girl on homecoming? I snorted. What a ridiculous rumor. He had been watching reruns with me while eating cheese puffs—nothing else had been going on at all._

_But…what he'd said about that girl…_

_An image of Nikki flashed through my mind, and I ignored it decidedly. There was no need to get worked up over nothing, right?_

Rick led me to the door to his home and knocked on the door gently.

"Popuri?" he called. "Claire's here."

The lock to the door was unlocked hurriedly and a cheerful Popuri greeted me with an enthusiastic hug.

"Claaaaire!" she exclaimed. "I'm so happy you're here!"

"Why?" I asked, gasping for air in her embrace.

She released me and giggled in excitement. "Mama's finished the dresses. You should see them, they're absolutely gorgeous!"

"Well, I—"

My arm was grabbed as I was dragged into the room by the eager bride. Rick followed close behind, shaking his head at his sister's antics. Lillia turned to us with a small smile.

"I think it's my finest work yet," the woman informed me. "It took a little bit of help from Sasha, but I put forth most of the effort."

"You mean the bridesmaids' dresses?" I questioned.

"No, silly," Popuri beamed. "She means the wedding gown. But your dress is pretty, too!"

"Popuri's is upstairs," Lillia told me. "Popuri, why don't you show it to her?"

"…I can look by myself," I decided, sending Popuri a tired glance. "Kai got the cake ingredients, so you might want to see him about the details. Alright?"

"Oh, okay," she replied, her smile fading somewhat. "I guess I'll just go then, huh? See you later!"

I waved good-bye to her half-heartedly and started up the stairs under Rick and his mother's expectant gaze. Frills, bows, extravagant overuse of pink—that's what I expected when I thought of "Popuri's dress."

I couldn't have been more wrong.

The mannequin wore a gown colored the most innocent shade of white, flowing to the ground with a delicate under-layer of lace. No sleeves could be found on this summer dress; however, a relatively modest neckline was graced with a pearl necklace laid about the neck of the model. Nothing loud, nothing flashy, nothing pink.

Simple elegance, you could call it.

Tentatively, I walked towards the dress and fingered the fabric. It was soft to the touch, feeling almost like silk as it brushed against my skin. The transparent veil felt smooth and wispy, as if the material had been plucked from a cloud and formed to grace an angel's head.

I backed away for a moment, drinking in the beauty of the gown before me. A gown fit for a princess. A gown made for Kai's bride. A gown not meant for me.

And as I heard someone calling me downstairs, I tore my eyes away from the spectacle and left, knowing fully well that it was best for me to return to where I belonged.


	7. Chapter 7: Blackout

**Note: **(Blinks) Sixty-six reviews? Am I reading this right? That's a _lot_ of feedback for six chapters! I'm happy, though, because I really am putting a lot of thought and work into this story, and the fact that so many people are enjoying it makes it all the more worthwhile. This chapter is the longest yet (I'm pretty proud of it), and it's gonna have one of the spoilers in it. (Not one of the super-secret ones, but one that you may have suspected.) Next week's chapter, though, has the Karen secret! Heck yes! Read and review, please.

**Chapter Seven: Blackout**

Life has never been fair. By my age, you'd be an idiot to expect it to be. Innocent people get caught in crossfires, criminals get bailed out of jail, and some people have to spend their entire life working just to survive. When you put it like that, life seems like a very trivial and trying thing.

But for some reason, we cling to it regardless of the pain we endure.

"Good morning, Zack," I said to the shipper with a yawn. He cocked an eyebrow at me in surprise as he shouldered a package on his back.

"You're up awful early, Claire," he commented. "Normally, you're not up until somewhere between ten o'clock and noon."

I shrugged. "Well, you know, this whole wedding thing has got my sleeping schedule all out of sorts. That shipment for Popuri?"

"I reckon so," he replied. "I don't think anyone else would be ordering so much right now."

"Good point," I agreed, letting out a small laugh. "No one else really has much need for anything, huh?"

"Well, unless you count the letters," Zack added, depositing the parcel in front of the door to the Snack Shack.

"Letters?"

He nodded. "That's how people keep in touch in Mineral Town," he informed me. "You don't expect us to be using fancy things like e-mail or cell-phones, do ya? Things like that are too hard to come by; besides, we're pretty simple people."

"Well, I'm not trying to say that mail by letters is bad or anything," I tried to explain myself. "I just didn't know that there were too many people outside of here to keep in touch with. Do people get letters a lot?"

"Oh, sure," Zack told me knowingly. "Ann gets 'em all the time."

I blinked. "She does?"

"Well, she and Popuri usually get the most mail," he sighed, scratching his head as he delved into his memory-banks. "Of course, Kai's in town, so there's not as much lately…though I'm willing to bet I have a letter from Cliff with me today."

"Who for?"

"Ann, of course," he chuckled. "Didn't I already say that?"

Ann. Cliff. I sensed a relationship. At least _some_ parts of the puzzle were coming together. Though really, I suppose it would have been ridiculous to expect her to have fallen in love with Jack after her little spiel, though my thoughts on Cliff were still a bit foggy at this point. All I knew about the guy was that he had been Kai's friend and roommate.

Then again, Kai _did_ have impeccable taste in friends.

"Anything from Jack?" I asked, mentally trying to piece this maddening riddle together.

"Jack?" Zack blinked at me in confusion. "Why would he write here?"

Huh. Not exactly the response I had expected, I'll admit.

"Well, maybe to Karen or something," I said lamely. "Didn't the two of them--?"

"Karen would have been better off if she had never met that Jack scoundrel," Zack growled, his usually easy-going attitude replaced with a look of strong resolve and…hatred?

"Not many people like the guy, huh?" I commented, stating the obvious.

"Claire, I don't mean to be disrespecting anybody, but I'm sure glad that farmer is gone," he grunted, starting back towards his ship for the final package. "But enough about him. How are you lately? I don't get to talk to you that much anymore."

I twirled a strand of my hair and nodded. "Weddings are busy," I answered. "And Kai's here, so I haven't gotten to do much stuff around the farm. Not as much as I should, anyway."

"That explains the decrease in shipments."

"I guess so."

I kicked the sand in boredom as he picked up the load and carried it over to the door of the Snack Shack. Jack, Jack, Jack…everyone seemed to have a story that came to mind at his name, but I was drawing a blank. No matter how hard I tried to draw conclusions, I only saw a sheet of white.

Why did Rick have to tell me about that blasted blue feather, anyway?

Zack obviously seemed to think that our conversation was over, so I simply walked off along the coast. The sand crunched under my sneakers, and as the tide came in I felt the saltwater soak my socks. Annoying as it was, I didn't bother to take them off. I suppose I was too lazy.

"Hey, Claire!"

I didn't even bother to turn around; I knew instinctively that it was Popuri who had spoken.

"Did you get a good night's sleep?" she asked me concernedly.

"Let's see: dark circles under my eyes, messy bed-head, the zombiefied look on my face—don't you think it's obvious, Popuri?" I sighed, not in the mood for guessing games, long ramblings, or wedding plans.

Her grin faltered a bit and she muttered a little, "Oh…that's too bad."

"Yeah, it sucks," I agreed. "What's up?"

"The reception," she told me. "We think we're going to hold it at Doug's—but we're not sure about entertainment and such."

"What does Kai think?"

Popuri laughed. "He thinks that I'm going overboard on this wedding. But he said entertainment was okay, as long as it didn't cost much."

"So, you want me to help you find someone who performs for cheap?" I questioned. "How would I know that?"

"I don't know…I guess I thought that you'd have seen a lot of weddings in the city," she shrugged. "What do people usually do?"

I bit my lip and tried to think back to my life in the city. In reality, I'd only really been to two weddings: my cousin's and some coworker of mine's. So, I wasn't exactly an expert.

"Well…there are these people called wedding singers," I said. "They sing songs, people dance, and that's pretty much it."

"Oh, Karen could sing!" Popuri exclaimed, her eyes shining.

"Karen?"

"She has the most gorgeous voice," Popuri assured me. "Really, she'd be perfect!"

I cocked my head thoughtfully. "Um, if you say so," I shrugged finally. "I don't know, I haven't talked to her that much, so I wouldn't know."

"Ricky gets along with her really well," Popuri nodded. "Maybe he could ask!"

"Does Karen…um…have anything against Kai?" I asked curiously. "Because Rick seems to, and—"

"Karen likes Kai," Popuri insisted. "She respects him, I guess. He's one of the few people that can out-drink her!"

I stifled a laugh.

"What's so funny?" Popuri questioned.

"Kai—hahaha! Just remembering this one time---" I paused and tried to breathe. "Kai raided his parents' wine when we were twelve, okay? I dared him to drink a whole bottle."

"Claire, that's dangerous--!"

"And he—haha!—he got drunk really fast. He didn't even finish the bottle. His dad came in to see Kai dancing on the kitchen table. It was priceless!" I laughed.

Popuri didn't look amused. "Why would you suggest something so hazardous?" she accused me. "He could have gotten hurt!"

"Well, he didn't, okay?" I retorted, crossing my arms. "It's no big deal."

"…I just…if he got hurt because of something stupid like that…" She turned her ruby eyes away from me and let out a sigh. "Um, I'm going to go ask Rick if he'll ask Karen to be the wedding singer. Okay?"

"Fine with me," I answered, a little irked by her righteous attitude. Really, hadn't she done reckless things like that when she was young? Geez.

What right did she have to criticize me, anyway? She had won, hadn't she? Popuri received the feather. She received the letters. She received the right to his heart.

A right that I had let slip away.

"_Where were you?" Kai asked as I arrived at his doorstep. "You normally get here way earlier than this."_

"_Volleyball," I groaned, sitting myself beside him on the porch bench. "Our psycho coach has us practicing every day for two hours."_

"_But you suck at sports."_

"_I know."_

_This caused Kai to laugh, and as he saw my glare, he tried to compose himself. It didn't work._

"_It's not that funny, okay?" I groaned. "Everyone on the team hates my guts—one person told me that she'd rather have Shelly here with her broken leg than me."_

"_That's pretty harsh," he commented, putting his arm around me comfortingly. "But you're good at other stuff, right?"_

"_Like what?"_

_Kai blinked; apparently he hadn't actually thought of anything yet. "Well…okay, sports-wise, you're a dud. But you know, you're an awesome friend, Claire. How many people can say that they've had the same best friend since they were four years old?"_

"…_Is that…all I am?" I whispered._

"_What?"_

"_Is that all I am?" I repeated, turning to him with furious blue eyes. "Kai, am I just a friend to you?"_

_He stared at me, his mouth open in shock at my accusation. I sighed at his non-responsiveness and propped my head up on my hands. "Come on, you must have thought about us dating at some point. Don't deny it; I'd be surprised if you hadn't considered it at some time or another. But you know, I guess…I guess it's all for the best, isn't it?"_

"_Claire…what are you saying?"_

_His oblivious statement fueled a repressed anger within me, and I stood up. I felt tears springing to my eyes, but I paid them no heed; at this point, signs of weakness didn't really matter. After all I'd already said, there was no turning back. _

"_I'm not an idiot, okay?!" I snapped. "I mean, homecoming should have made it clear to me to start with. I'm just…I'm just a replacement for her, aren't I? If you can't have Nikki, you have to fall back on your pathetic little friend Claire!"_

"_Listen, you don't know—" _

"_But you're the one who doesn't know, Kai!" I screamed, my cheeks moist from my tears. "I've been hiding it for so long—I thought by now, you'd know, but—you're such an idiot! I'm not some rag doll from your childhood that you can toss into the closet when you find something better—and you can't drag me out when you don't get what you want! I'm a _person_, Kai! I have feelings, and right now I feel…betrayed. Because…because…I love you, you idiot!"_

_I covered my face in shame as I found that I couldn't stop crying. How selfish of me. Selfish, indulgent, and vain. The only way for me to summon the courage to confess how I felt was to lose him to another girl. _

_I suppose _that_…is the shame of envy._

_Suddenly I felt his arms wrapped tightly about my waist, and his head resting on my shoulder. He brought his mouth up to my ear, and I heard him whisper, "Claire…_you're_ the idiot. I've waited twelve years to hear you say that to me."_

_His lips brushed against my own for a single, surreal moment. _

_And what I wouldn't give to make that moment last forever._

The sun glared down on me, and I squinted my eyes as I stared at the horizon. The water wasn't so crystal clear today; the blue water was tinted with a rather icky shade of green. Not very pleasing to the eyes, I'll admit.

"What are you looking at?"

I turned to see Rick standing behind me, and I faced the sea once again with a little "humph." After yesterday, he was the _last_ person I wanted to see.

"The ocean," I said, rolling my eyes. "Isn't it obvious?"

"Not much of a view today, huh?" he commented.

"Why are you here?" I asked, avoiding his small-talk. "I thought Popuri was looking for you."

He shrugged. "She'll find me eventually. It shouldn't be too hard, seeing as we live in the same house."

"…Yeah, I guess," I replied, watching the seagulls circle in the sky. "Don't you have somewhere to be?"

"Are you still having those dreams?" Rick asked me instead, ignoring my not-so-subtle request for him to leave.

"My dreams?"

He nodded. "From the looks of it, you still aren't getting much rest."

"Are you insulting me--?!"

"No, not at all!" he insisted, a little shocked at my reaction. "It's just…you don't look well."

"Well, farming isn't exactly a piece of cake," I told him. "It's pretty tough to handle that, a wedding, and to be running on practically zero sleep."

"Don't wear yourself out, okay?"

His concern was unexpected. I swerved about to see the worried look in his topaz eyes, and suddenly I felt confused. Hadn't he been the one to act like a jerk yesterday? Hadn't he treated me like dirt? Why wasn't he--

"I—I'll be alright," I muttered. "Hey, about making you help with the wedding—look, I'm—"

"Don't worry about it," he assured me. "I'll…get over it. Listen, I know yesterday I kind of took my frustration out on you. It's not _you_ I'm mad at, I'm just—when he's around, I--" He struggled to sort out his thoughts into words and let out a deep sigh. "Never mind."

For a while, we just stood there on the beach, quietly gazing at the ugly sea and wrestling with our inner emotions. Rick _had_ apologized…in his own Rick-like way. That didn't excuse the fact that he'd acted like a moron, but at least it proved he wasn't heartless. Maybe…there were some saving graces to the guy after all.

Maybe.

"You know…you're not the only one with bad dreams," Rick said, clearing his throat a bit. "People say that it's best to talk about them with someone."

"And you think you're classified to be that someone?"

He shrugged. "It couldn't hurt, could it?"

I blushed and looked away. "Well…it's a little odd, really. In my nightmare, I'm always standing on the shore of the beach—except it's beautiful and calm and welcoming, not like now. And as I'm watching the waves, suddenly I see someone standing on a sandbar in the distance."

"Someone?" Rick repeated.

"Yeah…" I bit my lip and decided not to mention the name of the bandana-clad traveler that penetrated my dreams. "And he's waving, calling to me to join him. But for some reason, I'm scared…and I can't. I shout to him, and I say that the distance is too far, that the ocean's too deep. I beg him to come over to the shore instead, where I'm standing, where it's dry and safe."

"…Does he?"

"No," I whispered, closing my eyes. "He walks away. Then I feel this incredible wave of despair crashing down on me, and suddenly I can't stand still any longer. I dive into the water and thrash about in the waves, screaming for him to wait up, that I'm coming. But…the tide is rolling in, and I find that I can't stay afloat much longer as the ocean drags me down. He disappears into the distance, and I am left alone…drowning in the tide."

Rick tried to speak but found that he was speechless. The sound of the waves crashing and the gulls crying filled the silence between us, and the wind roared in our ears.

"…Rick, it's just a dream," I spoke finally, trying to force a laugh. "Don't take it so seriously. C'mon, you don't think there's some deep, psychological reason for it, do you?"

"Are you sure you're alright, Claire?" he insisted, his voice soft and thick with concern.

"Of course I'm alright," I assured him, turning to walk away. "I'm just not feeling—" I blinked at the sky as sunspots began to obscure my vision. "Not feeling—well." The heat of the day was crushing me, and my head felt strangely woozy. Why…why was it suddenly so hard to stand?

"Claire…Claire?!"

I heard startled shouts of surprise as I fell into the poultry farmer's arms, collapsing from heat and exhaustion into a state of darkness.

Blackout.


	8. Chapter 8: Society

**Note: **Ooh, chapter eight…I feel like I've reached a mile stone on this one. Had to boost the rating a notch, but no worries: I won't do anything particularly messy. I just want to be safe. (Hope that's okay with you guys; you'll understand why after you finish reading) And the Karen secret shall be revealed, as promised! (is excited) But…I think I could have done better. So, I'll just end this note quickly: Thanks to all my reviewers, and enjoy!

**Chapter Eight: Society**

Everywhere you go, someone will tell you what to do. It doesn't matter if it's your parents, the law, your teachers, or the man sitting next to you on the bus; people seem to think that you and everyone else should act a certain way. But what happens when you break away from that rut of monotony?

You're grounded, jailed, thrown in detention, or called a few choice four-letter words.

Sometimes it's better to just go with the flow.

"…Kai? What about Kai?"

My ears strained to hear what was going on around me. Stretching my arms, I came to the conclusion that I was lying down--a position that I hadn't been too familiar with lately. With a groan, I opened my azure eyes and saw that I was inside the cozy small building that was the Clinic.

The doctor sat beside me and he nodded in satisfaction as I came to. He ruffled his fingers through his messy black hair as he made a note on his clipboard.

"Did you sleep well?" he asked me with a smile.

I sat up slowly in the hospital bed. "What were you saying about Kai?" I asked.

"Kai?" The doctor put down his clipboard. "I believe you are mistaken, Claire. It wasn't me referring to him. It was you."

"Me? What do you mean?" I insisted.

He chuckled. "You seemed to have been talking in your sleep. It's common for this to happen to people who are under a lot of stress; don't worry about it. Have you been sleeping enough lately?"

"Er…no," I sighed, falling back onto my pillow. "Not really."

"That's unhealthy," he reproached me. "Especially since you're a farmer; your work requires hard labor. By now I'd think you knew better."

I shrugged it off. "I guess I'll try to go to bed earlier," I said half-heartedly.

"I certainly hope you do." He stood up. "Elli will be with you shortly; I need to go on an errand for a bit. I trust that's okay with you?"

"Sure," I nodded. "Go ahead…I'm just lying here anyway."

As he left the room, I closed my eyes and let out a deep sigh. How had it come to this? Kai's engagement may have messed with my emotions pretty badly, but should it really have made me get sent to the Clinic?

After all, I'd suffered through it for five years, hadn't I? These feelings colliding within me—I'd been sheltering them for ages now. And yet, my defenses had shattered in mere days, and now I was lying in a hospital bed, still sick with heartache. How pathetic.

"_This is pathetic," I mumbled, hesitating in front of the door. And it was indeed pathetic. Since when should I be scared of going into my own house?_

"_Claire, it's no big deal," Kai insisted, putting his arm around my shoulder. "I know your parents. They like me. Really, they're going to be cool about us dating."_

_I sighed. "You don't know that," I replied. "My dad can get super-protective."_

"_Are you kidding me? Your dad is the guy who hooked us up with these concert tickets!" Kai exclaimed. "Besides, he already knows we're going together."_

"_But he thinks we're going as friends!" I insisted. "This…boyfriend and girlfriend thing will be a shock to him. He won't be able to take it."_

_Kai gave me a quizzical look. "…You're just scared of what they'll say, aren't you?"_

"_N-no..."_

"_I'm going to open the door, then," Kai decided, grabbing the handle and turning it. I tried to stop him, but it was too late—the door opened wide and my attempts caused us only to fall face-first onto the hallway floor. Lying on the ground, we turned towards each other and burst into a fit of laughter._

"_Smooth, Claire," Kai grinned._

"_Like you can talk," I retorted._

"_My, what are you two doing on the floor?"_

_Both of us looked up at the speaker: a tall blonde man dressed in a business suit complete with matching tie._

"_Um…Hi, Dad," I greeted him weakly as Kai and I stood up. "How's it going?"_

"_Oh, business as usual," my father chuckled. "Are you two excited about your little concert trip this Saturday?"_

"_Well, actually, sir," Kai began, clearing his throat, "I was hoping to ask you about that."_

_I elbowed Kai sharply, mouthing, "Not so soon, you idiot!"_

_Of course, Kai ignored me._

"_May I have your permission to accompany Claire to the concert?" Kai asked, quite formally, to my surprise._

_My father blinked. "I thought I already said you could—"_

"_No, Mr. Banks, sir," Kai interrupted. "I mean, may I take Claire with me…as in, on a date?"_

"…_A date?"_

"_Yes. We've become boyfriend and girlfriend."_

_I braced myself as I stared intently at my dad, as if could force him to agree by the sheer force of my willpower. He scratched his head, looked from Kai to me thoughtfully, then said:_

"_Well, it's about time, you two! It certainly took you long enough."_

_I swear, I practically collapsed in relief._

As I began to stir once again, I heard the soft pitter-patter of footsteps and opened my eyes to see a smiling Elli by my side.

"You feeling better?" the nurse asked as she handed me a small plate of food. "You've been like this for a little over a day; you must be famished."

"I am pretty hungry," I admitted as I took the food from her eagerly. To my disappointment, it was merely bread and water—but beggars can't be choosers, I supposed.

"It's funny," she said with a shake of her head, "but the last time we had to deal with someone falling unconscious, it was because Cliff had fallen into a brief coma in the snow. And now, you've overheated yourself."

Cliff? The name struck my curiosity. "You knew Cliff?"

"Well, of course I did!" Elli laughed. "I've lived here my whole life, Claire—I know everyone who's come through here."

"Even Jack?" The question jumped out of my mouth before I could think of the consequences.

Elli's laughter ceased, and she smoothed her apron anxiously. "W-well, it was sort of hard _not_ to know Jack," she stammered. "Would you like another pillow? We have a few in the back—"

"Why won't anyone tell me about him?" I complained with a groan. "It's like everybody is holding some big secret that I'm not allowed to hear! And to be honest, it sucks. You know, Rick knows, Ann knows, Zack knows, but I don't! It's driving me insane, Elli!"

The nurse gave me a long, hard look. My plea had struck a chord within her—however slight—and I could see her inner shield dissolving. "…Claire," she whispered, "every town has something that they're ashamed of, you know? Something they'd rather not let people know."

"But I'm a part of this town now," I reminded her. "I have a right to know."

Elli cast a glance at the door hurriedly, as if to make sure that it were closed. A few moments passed as she inwardly debated over the morality of her next action. Then, she breathed deeply and fixed her eyes on me. "What exactly have you heard already?"

"Not much, just that the guy was a farmer," I answered. "Then he left without saying why."

"He didn't need to say why," Elli mumbled. "Claire…you know Karen, right?"

"Well, not that well, but I know her," I admitted.

Elli played with a strand of her hair nervously as she bit her lip; the subject seemed to be truly taxing her. "You see, Karen--Karen was a close friend of mine when Jack lived here," the nurse murmured. "I was engaged to Tim at the time, and she was helping me with my wedding. We'd laugh and talk a lot as we worked; I'm sure you and Popuri know what that's like, huh, Claire?"

I gave her a blank look, but not noticing it, she continued. "Anyway, a little after moving in, Jack took…well, an _interest_ in Karen."

"You mean he was hitting on her?"

The brunette wrung her hands and nodded. "You could say that. The difference is that Karen would flirt back. I was a little wary of the sincerity of Jack's intentions--I'm sure I don't need to tell you that Karen is considered very attractive."

"Yeah, I noticed," I replied, somewhat resentfully. "So she and Jack started dating?"

"That's all it was, at first," Elli told me. "He'd escort her to festivals, they'd drink together at Doug's, and he absolutely showered her in gifts. Karen enjoyed every minute of it; she always was one to enjoy being the center of attention."

She paused to take a breath as I listened on, perplexed. What I was hearing sounded very routine; how could dating Karen make Jack the most hated man in Mineral Town? It made no sense.

"The talk of marriage began to circulate among the villagers, and everyone was convinced that Jack and Karen would make a perfect couple. But…Claire, they…" Elli closed her eyes. "A lot of time passed, you know. It wasn't until Winter that anyone really found out. Cliff thought he heard something one night, and he went to Jack's farm to investigate. The poor man didn't know what to expect when he opened the door to the barn, but what he found was Jack and Karen. They'd been having…well, a tussle in the hay."

She opened her eyes and spoke before I could respond. "I don't know what life in the city is like, Claire, but here in Mineral Town it's practically criminal to take someone's innocence outside of marriage. What they'd done was a scandal; poor Karen couldn't go anywhere without hearing people whisper about her. Her mother took it pretty hard…she demanded that Jack marry Karen to make up for his sin."

"…What happened?" I whispered.

"As soon as he heard the word marriage, Jack jumped on the nearest ship out of Mineral Town. Didn't even apologize. But Karen…Karen, she truly loved him." Elli smiled sadly. "He said he'd come back for her, but it was all a lie, Claire. Jack _used_ her. He's never coming back, and we all know it—all of us except Karen, that is. It's rather heartbreaking, really."

"What a jerk," I breathed. "Leaving her alone like that—"

"She never really recovered from it," Elli sighed. "I barely even know her anymore—I tried to comfort her, but she took offense at it. She told me rather bluntly that just because I have a husband doesn't mean I know everything about love. We…haven't talked since."

Silence. Oddly enough, now that I knew all about Karen and Jack, I wasn't happy—I was furious. How could anyone take something so precious from someone and then throw it all away? I just—I didn't _get_ it. That moron had screwed up Karen's life, and he was probably perfectly happy somewhere else, not caring that Karen waited for him every night, not caring that her whole image in this town was stained.

No one deserved to go through that kind of heartbreak. No one.

"…Cliff left a little before Jack did," Elli finished finally. "Since then, everyone's tried to steer clear of the incident. Everyone finds the whole thing to be shameful, and who can blame them? We're a small, traditional town. Things like this…aren't supposed to happen."

"But they do," I whispered. "And other people have to suffer for them."

One again, the conversation lapsed into silence, and Elli cleared her throat awkwardly. "C-Claire, I hope you understand that you can't repeat what I told you today. Everyone knows except Stu and May; still, no one wants to open an old wound. And for goodness sakes, don't let Karen know I told you. She's awfully sensitive about it, the poor thing."

"Absolutely," I agreed. "Why would I start bringing that up around here?"

"I'm not saying you would," she sighed. "I'm just giving you a precaution. Though, I do wish I could talk with Karen about it—but that's out of the question. Besides, she has Rick."

Rick. The name registered in my mind belatedly. Of course—he was the one to first hint about Jack and Karen to me. So that day…when we were at the Supermarket…it wasn't that he was trying to avoid Karen.

He was avoiding the topic of _Jack_ around her.

The fact that Rick cared so much for Karen…that he was the only person to not have distanced himself from her…it said so much. Even after what had happened, he remained loyal. And loyalty…

Loyalty was something I had trouble grasping.

I owed Popuri so much; my entire farm would be in ruin without her. She'd gone out of her way to talk with me, to introduce me to the villagers, to invite me over to her house, and to just…be my friend. And yet here I was, pining after Kai and wishing her ill.

What kind of a friend _was_ I?

"Oh, Claire," Elli spoke, interrupting my thoughts. "Actually, Rick brought you here. He'd have stayed longer, but he had to take care of his chickens. Big chicken festival coming up, after all."

"So…so you're saying that Rick," I cleared my throat, "_Rick _brought me here?"

The nurse nodded. "He carried you himself."

My face burned scarlet in embarrassment and indignation. Crossing my arms, I turned away, pretending to be interested in the cracks in the wall. What did he think I was, some damsel in distress?

Urgh…it was so _demeaning_.

"Am I free to go?" I asked finally, looking up at the ceiling.

"Oh, well, you didn't sustain any minor or serious injuries, so um…I don't see why not," Elli admitted. "But you might need some rest, so you could stay here longer—"

"No thanks," I told her, standing up. "You've been great, Elli. I just have a lot of work to do, and I've fallen behind a day. Alright?"

She nodded slowly. "Promise you'll sleep better?"

"Why not?" I shrugged. "I can give it a try."

"Good." The brunette deposited a bottle of pills into my hand. "These are light sleeping pills—follow the instructions and they probably won't have any unwanted side effects."

"Isn't that comforting?" I remarked sarcastically, tossing it idly in the palm of my hand. "See ya, Elli."

"Take care!"

The door closed behind me, and I walked leisurely along the path to my house. Running my fingers through my hair, I attempted to tame my bed-head without a mirror. Stupid stamina, making me faint like that. And in front of Rick, no less.

I cast a dubious glance at the sleeping pills in my hand and began to read the label. "Warning: Risk of dependency." Dependency? How ironic. I unscrewed the lid and took a look at the pills cluttered inside.

Then, very deliberately, I scattered them onto the grass. Without a second-thought, I turned my heel and began the trek to my farm, leaving the medicine behind in the brush.

By now, I knew it wasn't safe to depend on anything or anyone.


	9. Chapter 9: Static

**Note: **Oh no, I'm a day late! Sorry, guys! Special thanks to all my reviewers; feedback definitely helps me know where my readers stand. Though…this chapter is filler-ish. I was pressed for time…I'll try and do better next chapter. Really.

**Chapter Nine: Static**

People criticize weakness. Nowadays, we've adopted this might-makes-right policy; don't be humble, don't be meek. Don't forgive—seek revenge. Don't accept defeat—cheat your way to the top. Fight fire with fire.

But is it really so terrible to hold your tongue?

Sweat glistened on my brow as I hauled the watering can to the field, pouring water onto my pineapple plants. Their yellow-tainted leaves waved at me in the wind—desperate for me to satisfy their thirst. And I couldn't blame them; I'd been slacking on my farming lately.

What can I say? It's hard to farm from a hospital bed.

"The heck with it," I groaned, tossing the can onto the ground. "Not like they're going to grow anyway."

After kicking the watering can for good measure, I started off towards my house—tired, frustrated, and confused. Once inside, I plopped myself on my bed and let out a low groan. What a day.

First there was all that Clinic nonsense, and now my farm was falling apart. Wonderful. Just wonderful. Almost as wonderful as the fact that Kai was engaged.

Woop-de-doo.

Picking up the remote to my TV, I looked at the screen upside-down as I laid off the side of my bed and began to flip channels. Weather. Festivals. Reruns. Static. Weather. Festivals. Reruns. Static. Weather. Festivals—

"Claire?" Knock. "You home?" Another knock.

Reruns. Static. Weather.

"Nobody's home. Go away."

Festivals. Reruns.

"Come on, open up, Claire."

Static.

I rolled over in bed, my blonde hair obscuring my face from view as I got up. With an agitated sigh, I debated whether answering the door was worth the effort. In the end, my boredom won over, and I opened the door begrudgingly.

"What?" I snapped, then gasped as I recognized my visitor.

"Ouch," Kai commented, leaning against the frame of the door. "That's kind of cold, Claire."

My throat turned dry as I attempted to apologize. "N-no, I'm sorry, I didn't know it was—I mean, I just—Sorry!"

He blinked at my stream of nonsense then let out an amused chuckle. "It's okay, I'm not offended or anything. Everybody has their off-days."

"Y-yeah…off-days," I repeated stupidly. "I—Why are you here, anyway? Something up?"

"I can't just come to say hello?"

"Well, you _can_, I just thought—"

"You're so serious, Claire," Kai laughed. "Where'd your sense of humor go? Relax."

Embarrassment surged through me, and I mumbled a little, "Sorry," again. Of course, that did nothing to lighten the awkward mood, and Kai shuffled his feet uncomfortably.

"Are you going to invite me in?" Kai asked finally.

"Oh…oh, yeah, of course," I insisted, opening the door wide and inviting him inside. "Um, would you like something to eat or drink? I've got some stuff in the fridge—"

"I'm fine," he assured me, smiling. "Just fine."

I shrugged. "Suit yourself." Fumbling about, I attempted to grab a cup and fill it with water. I drank it in one gulp and wiped my mouth, desperate for something to calm my nerves.

It didn't work.

"…Is this what you were watching?" he remarked, staring at my blurry TV screen.

"Uh, yeah," I admitted, turning it off hurriedly. "I was bored."

"Apparently."

Clearing my throat, I started to toy with my blonde hair, unsure of what to do or say. "S-so…um…how goes life?"

"Pretty well, actually," he replied. "Popuri and I are working on the reception now…everything else is done overall."

"You mean the planning?"

He nodded. "The actual decorating and whatnot isn't done yet. We just know _how_ we're going to do everything. It's taking forever--I tell you what, Claire, I had no idea weddings were so much work."

"Same here," I agreed, leaning against my kitchen counter. "I always thought they were simple…you propose, you call the preacher, and then you're married in a week."

"If only it were that easy."

"If only."

Silence.

Kai stretched a bit and turned to look at me, his lips drawn into a small frown. "You know, Claire…the doctor called me yesterday."

"Really?" I remarked. "What for?"

"You."

I blinked; thank goodness I was holding onto the counter, or I might have fallen from the shock.

"Why…I mean…for me?" I stammered.

"Said something about you asking for me," he shrugged. "I heard from Popuri about what happened at the beach. You fainted, am I right?"

Oh my God… Did everyone know about that?

"So what if I did?" I countered. "What with working, and the summer heat, and everything I've been doing lately, you think I might not be sensitive to sunlight? Really. A girl can only handle so much—"

"Are you alright now?"

His concern startled me somewhat, and my protests slowly faded away. My heart fluttered and a light-headedness settled in me. Kai, my dear friend Kai, was worried about me.

Me.

"I—I'm okay," I admitted, blushing. "My stamina is a little low, but really, I'm fine. Don't worry about me. You have enough to do as is."

"You sure?"

"Positive."

To my dismay, our now-signature silence had resurfaced once again, and I desperately grabbed any shred of conversation I could find.

"So…for those five years…what did you do?" I inquired.

"You mean after high school?" he asked.

"Yeah."

He scratched his head and let out a small laugh. "Oh man, what _didn't_ I do…I traveled all over. Cooked. Made friends, made memories. It was like living a whole new life. I don't know how else to describe it."

"…Was it hard?" I questioned softly.

"A little strange at first, but I wouldn't say hard," Kai shrugged.

"You don't…regret it?"

A pause. "I regret a lot of things," he said at length. "But not choosing to leave home. I will never regret that."

"Oh." I bit my lip. "So what I said back then to you—"

"Wait." He came towards me and put his hands on my shoulders. "Wait just a second. That's what all of this is about, isn't it?"

A chill settled in my spine as my skin grew clammy at his touch.

"I—"

"No, it all makes sense. That's why you've been acting so weird—that's why you've been distancing yourself from me and Popuri. I get it now." He shook his head and let out a shaky laugh. "I'm such an idiot…I finally get it now."

My blue eyes darted from his gaze, and my chest heaved up and down in panic. His grip on my shoulders relaxed a bit and his tone of voice softened.

"Claire…about what happened back then, all of it. Just forget it. I'm completely serious. Forget it. Nobody got hurt," he told me, his eyes pleading. "What happened is over. No hard feelings, okay?"

"But what I said—"

"Forget it. I already have."

His hands fell from my shoulders and genuine concern was wrought on his face. Tears pricked my eyes, but I refused to let them flow. Forget it, he said. Forget it. How could you forget the most heart-wrenching moment of your life? How could you forget the day your hopes and dreams shattered? How?

Perhaps…having someone like Popuri made such a feat possible.

But what if you have no one?

"You know, Claire," Kai smiled, "we've had a lot of other memories together. Remember volleyball?"

"Oh God, don't remind me of that sport ever again," I laughed against my will. I could recognize his attempt at lightening the mood all too well—but right then, I needed something to divert my thoughts.

"Do you remember what they used to call you?" he grinned. "I think it was—"

"_Claire the Spare!"_

_I bristled at the sound of this new abominable nickname; it would be the first of many times I would hear it. Not that I didn't deserve it; I'd done nothing constructive for the team, and I probably never would. But people didn't need to flaunt my athletic-inferiority._

"_What?" I snapped._

"_Coach wants to see you," one of my teammates told me. "The rumor is that she's found a replacement for you."_

"_Thank God," I sighed, starting towards Coach, who was seated on a bench with another girl. As I approached, however, a strangely familiar sight reached my eyes._

"_Hey, Claire," Nikki greeted me, her flaming red hair tied into an awkward ponytail. "Sup?"_

"_What are you doing here?" I inquired, crossing my arms._

_My coach handed a sheet of paper to Nikki before turning to me. "Ah, Banks. Turnpike here is going to try out for your position; you haven't been stepping up enough lately. Why weren't you at practice yesterday? It was mandatory."_

"_I can answer that," Nikki replied coolly. "She was at a concert with her boyfriend. I saw her there."_

"_Oh, come on!" I exasperated. "It was a Saturday! I have a life, you know."_

"_Watch your tongue," my coach warned. "Detention hall is always eager to see new faces."_

_I mumbled an insincere apology and shot Nikki a dirty look, incredulous that she could rat on me like that._

"_I'll let it slide this time," my coach told me firmly. "But it better not happen again. Turnpike, show me what you got."_

"_Sure."_

_Nikki stood up and headed to the volleyball and got into position, Coach nearby._

_I leaned against the wall, confused and more than a little irked. What had just happened, anyway?_

"_Hey…you heard about Kai, right?"_

_My eyes perked up at the sound of my boyfriend's name, and I began to eavesdrop on the conversation taking place a few feet away form me._

"_Yeah, he's dating Claire the Spare, right?"_

"_Yup. But he was going to take Nikki to homecoming."_

"_So what?"_

"_So she likes him. Apparently, Claire said it was okay if Nikki dated Kai—but, like, a week later, Claire started dating Kai. Nikki's pretty ticked."_

"_Yeah…Nikki can get scary when she's mad."_

"_She's creepy."_

_I snorted. Nikki, dangerous? Ha! What was the worst she could do, smack gum in my ear?_

_A loud "BAM!" was sounded as a volleyball slammed against the ground of the gym. My eyes widened as I recognized who had spiked it._

_Mental note: avoid Nikki at all costs. That ball could have been my head._

"Is that clock right?" Kai exclaimed, looking at the clock on the wall.

I glanced up as well, and my heart sank as I saw the position of the thin black hands.

"I wish we could have talked more," I admitted, loath at the thought that he would be leaving me so soon. "Are you going to go help with the wedding some more?"

"Actually…I have a shop to run," he reminded me with a grin. "But why don't we meet up later? Tonight."

"Tonight?"

He nodded. "At the Inn. We could share a bottle of wine, reminisce. What do you think?"

"Sounds nice," I agreed, blushing once again.

"Alright, see you then," he winked. "We seriously need to catch up, you and I."

I pushed back a strand of my blonde hair from my eyes and nodded. "I'd…really like that."

He stood in the doorway and turned to me one last time. "And Claire?"

"Yes?"

"Seriously. Forget about what happened back then. I really, really mean it."

I groaned. "Kai, you don't—"

"Claire, forget it. Okay?"

"Okay!" I exasperated. "Okay. I'll…try."

My pathetic promise hung in the air until Kai accepted it begrudgingly, clearly not satisfied. Then, the door closed, and the room was silent once more.

I could hear the frantic beating of my heart as it rammed against my chest, and began to breathe in and out deeply. What had happened between us, I couldn't quite say. Had a promise been broken? A sin been forgiven? Or had a past been denied—a past we both knew very well existed?

Had anything really changed?

Sitting upon my bed, my hand strayed once again to the remote, and I clicked the button without thinking. A loud buzz entered the room as the TV lit up with new activity.

Static.


	10. Chapter 10: Wishes

**Note**: NOT A FILLER! Huzzah! I am SO glad chapter nine is over…you really have no idea. I needed a stepping stone for this chapter, and that filler was a pretty shaky one. But I needed it. More wedding stuff on chapter eleven…I feel like I've been neglecting it. And oh my, I have a lot of new reviewers! Welcome aboard!

…And one hundred reviews?! Squee! (glomps) Thanks to my one-hundredth reviewer, **Ekoaleko**/**Aeropostale**…who cheated by reviewing twice, haha. I love you anyway. XD

**Chapter Ten: Wishes**

What would we be without love? What would life be like bereft of heartache, rejection, and envy? I don't know anymore. Such a life—one so perfectly free from the entanglements of the heart—seems so alien and far away from me; I can reach for it, but my fingers will never graze its surface. No matter how often I tell myself that I shouldn't love him, no matter how many times I say he belongs to Popuri, I can't let go of the past. And sometimes, I wish that I'd never loved him at all…that I'd never been forced to go through this kind of hellish adoration.

But a wish is only an unanswered prayer. And that's all it'll ever be.

I wrapped my arms around myself as I sat in the restaurant, shooting the clock a look of pure hatred. Eight o'clock. Eight freaking o'clock.

What kind of friend shows up two hours late?

Strike that, what kind of friend forgets to show up at all?

"Claire?"

I responded to the sound of my name, and turned to see Ann at my table once again. "Claire?" Ann repeated. "Do you want anything? You've been here for awhile…"

"I'm waiting for someone," I reminded her. "I…don't want to eat yet."

"Oh. Well, what about some water?" she suggested with a shrug. "Whoever you're waiting for seems to be a little late—"

"I can see that," I snapped.

The red-head glared at me and put her hands on her hips. "I'm just trying to be polite!" she exasperated. "I don't get paid to deal with whiny farmers, okay? So if you're not going to order, I'm going to leave."

A few moments were passed in silence until the waitress left with a groan, half as frustrated as myself. Burying my head in my arms, I sighed and closed my eyes in defeat.

"He's not coming," I mumbled to myself. "I'm such an idiot…of course he's not coming."

"Who's not coming?"

I snapped my head upwards—my hopes shattered as I saw Rick take the seat across from me.

"That seat's taken," I snapped. "Find another place to eat."

Unfazed by my rudeness, Rick leaned back rather comfortably in the chair and crossed his arms. "I don't see anyone here," he shrugged. "And it can't be any fun sitting alone."

"I told you, that seat's taken," I repeated, none too gently. "I'm not eating alone."

"You're not eating at all," Rick commented, staring at my empty placemat.

"Maybe I'm not hungry."

"Maybe you're just being difficult."

I kicked him from under the table, and he let out a small yelp of pain. Rubbing his leg gingerly, he smiled. "See? You _are_ being difficult."

"And you're just being annoying," I retorted.

"Wait a second. Sitting with a lonely girl makes me annoying?" Rick accused.

I could feel my patience wearing thin with each new word he spoke. "I'm not lonely. Don't I have the right to sit by myself?"

"So you _are_ sitting by yourself."

"I--!" With a low groan, I directed my gaze away from the poultry farmer to the door. "Whatever. Sit here if you want. I…don't care what you do."

The light glow of the lamps illuminated the room, casting shadows on the wall. I watched as they danced in the light, fleeting images on a wooden background. Murmurs of conversation reached my ears, merging into a collective voice of gossip and laughter.

And meanwhile, the clock ticked.

"…Who are you waiting for?" Rick asked quietly.

"Nobody." My fingers began to drum on the table, adding to the inn's melody of ruckus and merriment. "Just…nobody. Why are you here?"

"Baby-sitting," he explained, gesturing towards Karen seated at the counter. And indeed, she was already beginning to rack up quite a hefty bill as she guzzled down a bottle or two of wine.

"She's quite a drinker, isn't she?" I stated, somewhat alarmed as I realized the blonde's presence in the Inn. To be sure, I hadn't really been paying attention to any of the visitors as I waited for Kai, but now that I noticed that she was here, an uncomfortable feeling had wormed its way into my heart.

Karen…oh, what to think of Karen. Elli's words still rang in my ears, and while I pitied the girl, I felt almost…alienated from her. That girl crying on the beach—that girl drinking away her nights in denial—that girl clinging onto a past as superficial as her dreams…somehow frightened me.

And I couldn't for the life of me understand why.

"Karen loves her wine," he nodded. "She can tolerate more alcohol than most people, but I still have to watch her and make sure she doesn't go overboard."

"What are you, her big brother or something?" I teased.

"Something like that," he shrugged. "I guess after a while, the role just sticks."

A light bulb clicked in my head as I realized he was referring to his relationship with Popuri. I crossed my legs and propped my arms on the table, grinning somewhat. "I always wanted a big brother and a little sister when I was little," I admitted. "I've never had any siblings…so I don't know what it's like. But it looks fun."

"Are you kidding me?" Rick laughed. "You _wanted_ a little sister? Sometimes I think Popuri's more trouble than she's worth. Though…I do love the girl. I just sometimes wonder about her sense of judgment."

"She's a loveable ditz," I agreed. "Actually…I, um, haven't seen her since the day before yesterday."

"The day you fainted?"

I bristled at the reference to my accident. "That—that was a one-time thing, okay? I don't usually do stupid things like that. I'm not a wimp."

"You really scared me back then, though," he said, shaking his head. "I started panicking; I had no idea what to do."

"…You carried me," I mumbled, disgusted. "You carried me all the way to the Clinic."

"Who told you that--?"

"Elli."

He closed his eyes and let out a sigh. "I didn't have much of a choice, Claire—what did you want me to do, drop you in the sand and let you lie there?"

"Just—well—oh, I don't know, Rick!" I exasperated. "What do you want me to say, yes? No? Because it doesn't even matter; you carried me, I'm fine, and that's that. End of discussion."

My fingers tapped on the tabletop, and my eyes flitted towards the clock again—still late, still ticking away my precious minutes. A shock traveled its way across my skin as I felt Rick's hand suddenly upon my own.

"Don't do that," he ordered me, flattening my palm on the table. "The way you've been drumming your fingers is beginning to drive me crazy."

I closed my hand into a fist and grimaced. "Sorry…I'm just really impatient."

"When was he supposed to come?"

"Hours ago," I answered, casting the door a wistful glance. "He promised he'd come."

"That's rough. I'm sorry your date isn't showing up," Rick apologized.

"It's not a date," I hissed. "It's a--more like a—"

"A what?"

I glared at Rick for breaking my train of thought. "A—it's a--Well, it's kind of what you do with Karen," I explained at length. "Just hanging out for no real reason, except to get to know each other more."

A smile eased its way across his lips. "I think I understand," he nodded. "It's Kai, isn't it?"

And ignoring him, I turned to the clock once again.

"_What are you doing here?"_

_I squinted, my eyes blinded by the sunlight reflecting off the school pool. The woman put her hands on her hips, and insisted, "Well? You're just here to look at guys in Speedos, aren't ya?"_

"_N-no. I need to see my boyfriend," I tried to explain. _

"_Aha. So you _are_ here to see boys in Speedos." She put her hand out for me to shake. "Name's Coach Whicket. And you are…?"_

"_Claire. Claire Banks," I explained. "Is Kai here..?"_

"_Rivers? Yeah, he's finishing up his last lap," Whicket nodded. "Practice is over; feel free to talk to him. I have to tell you, you've got yourself one fine boy. I haven't seen a free-style like that in years."_

_I pretended that swimming strokes were an admirable quality in a guy and nodded. "Er, yeah. I'm just going to go see him now," I replied, clearing my throat._

"_Go ahead."_

_I walked the outline the pool, watching as a dark-tanned shadow sped through the water, shooting towards the far end of the pool with powerful and precise strokes. Then, reaching the end, he flipped and shot towards the other end again, his movements flawless and fluid._

_I crept towards him, where he had finally come to a halt and snapped his head out the water for breath. Moisture clung to his features, and a broad smile lit up his face as I approached him._

"_Claire? What are you doing here?" he inquired, propping his arms on the edge of the pool._

"_Uh…well, I saw Nikki today," I began, Kai watching me in interest. "She, uh…she doesn't think we should date."_

"_Screw that," Kai laughed. "Like I'm going to break up with you just because some girl doesn't like it."_

"_I—I don't know…" I shrugged. "Maybe we should be more worried or something."_

_He smiled. "You worry enough for the both of us."_

"_Well, there's a lot going on," I sighed. "Report cards just came, and my parents are flipping out because I didn't get on the honor roll."_

"_Are you kidding me?" he smirked. "My parents are panicking because they don't think I'll _graduate_."_

"_Seriously?"_

"_Well…I'm barely passing as is," he shrugged. "My dad is hoping and praying that I'll get a swimming scholarship or something. He really wants me to go to college."_

_I nodded. "College sounds like a good idea to me. To help get you ready for business and stuff."_

"_But business is…it's so boring, Claire," he groaned. "I don't know, I want to do something spontaneous, something different with my life."_

"_If you can't earn any money doing it, then you'll have to find something boring and ordinary like the rest of us," I reminded him._

"_You know what, Claire?" Kai sighed, a mischievous gleam sparkling in his eyes. "I think you just need to cool down."_

"_Whaa--?"_

_Before I knew it, his arm had pulled me straight into the freezing cold water. I screamed as I fell, and I could hear his laughter as I began to tread water, shivering in my now-wet clothes. _

_He pushed my damp stringy hair from my eyes and smiled. "Don't worry so much," he whispered, putting his arms around me. "It'll all work out. You'll see. I won't let you down."_

"_You…are…so…dead!" I threatened, my teeth chattering as I clung to the side of the pool._

_And he started to laugh once again, not caring that the coach was shouting at both of us to get of the pool._

"Guys, guys!"

I snapped out of my reverie as the doors to the Inn burst wide open, revealing a certain pink-haired girl absolutely brimming with excitement.

"Popuri?" Rick exclaimed in surprise; Ann and Karen were shocked as well. It was truly rare to see Popuri at the Inn this time of night, seeing as she was still underage.

"The most wonderful thing just happened!" she gushed, jumping up and down in joy. "See, Kai and I were at the Snack Shack, and then Elli came, which is really weird because Elli almost never comes to the Snack Shack, but anyway, she did and she ordered a snow cone. So Kai gives it to her, and she said she didn't recognize the flavor, and—"

"Just get to the point!" Karen barked, annoyed at being interrupted in the midst of her wine-drinking.

Popuri blinked. "Oh…sorry. Well, anyway, Elli has a snow cone, right? And then suddenly she gets all dizzy, and she says she doesn't feel well. So then Kai is like, are you okay? And she says no, she isn't, and then Kai offers to take her to the Clinic. And so he does, and guess what, guess what?!"

"What?" we all answer begrudgingly, knowing that we'll be told regardless.

"Elli's pregnant!" Popuri squealed.

Immediately, the annoyance forming in everyone's minds vanished, and the entire Inn was bursting with exclamations of surprise and excitement.

"Are you serious?!" Ann gasped, grinning from ear to ear. "That's so great! Oh, she must be so excited…her first kid! Wow."

Rick smiled as he turned to me. "Tim must be worrying like crazy," he said with a little laugh. "But that's good news. Really, those two deserve a child."

I could do nothing but smile as well; what words could I say to express how happy I was for them? Elli was a sweetheart; I had no doubt she'd be a wonderful mother. Understanding, kind, and loyal—she was every child's dream parent.

"…It's wonderful," I whispered in agreement. "Absolutely wonderful."

I heard a snort in the corner as Karen turned to her wine bottle once again, muttering, "Like hell it is."

"Oh, oh! Claire!" Popuri spoke suddenly, coming over to me. "Kai said that he'd promised to see you today…he says he's sorry, but Elli kind of needed his help and all. So, maybe tomorrow you could go on a picnic with Kai and I?"

For a brief moment, I basked in the glow of her words—until I heard the final two. "You mean, you'd be coming, too?"

"Well, yeah," Popuri nodded. "Plus, we're doing a rehearsal for the reception tomorrow, so you need to be there—"

"I'm sorry," I interrupted her, standing up. "But, um, I have to go home. Something just came up."

Popuri watched me in confusion as I started to go. "W-wait, Claire--!"

But a stern Rick held her back, shaking his head. "Let her go," he told her, his grip relaxing somewhat. "See you tomorrow, then, Claire?"

I nodded offhandedly. "Sure, why not. It's not like I have anything better to do. See ya."

"But, Claire--!"

"Popuri. Let. Her. Go," Rick warned.

A downcast look reflected in her scarlet eyes, but she nodded reluctantly as I turned to go. The door closed behind me, ending all the noise and excitement and laughter and leaving only silence in its wake.

The moon was out that night. I could see the stars sparkling in the distance, pinpricks of unreachable light. For a moment, I stopped in the middle of the path and gazed at them, wondering if perhaps I was unknowingly staring at a constellation or two. I'd never cared to learn about such things before, but now on such a clear moonlit night, I wished I could give these beautiful designs a name and a story.

They say if you wish upon a shooting star, your heart's deepest wish will come true. I don't know if I believe that, but on that night amidst all the sky's celestial beauty, I almost did. I almost, for a brief moment, believed in the impossible. Almost.

But as I walked home, I instead berated myself for tossing Elli's sleeping pills, and blatantly ignored the shooting star overhead.

**

* * *

****Important Note: **Okay, about this update every Friday thing… I really, really want to keep that up. But if life gets in the way, I'll say that the chapter will be late in my profile, okay? Ekoaleko made a very valid point, that I shouldn't try and force chapters out. Normally, writing chapters comes more easily to me; these last two were just harder. Plus, I've been super busy with a ton of essays. Pah. I estimate I'll have six more chapters. Estimate, anyway. 


	11. Chapter 11: Emerald Envy

**Note: **Wow… You're all so nice! Seriously, everyone was so understanding about the update-problems…I don't deserve you guys. Really. So, I shall reward you with lots of emotion, a cutesy flashback, and angst. Twas fun to write.

**Chapter Eleven: Emerald Envy**

Picture life as a painting. A smear of fiery red rage can blot an innocent white canvas, and when mixed with the green of envy, the colors are twisted into something barely recognizable. Something disgusting. Nauseous. Revolting.

And no matter how hard you try, you can never salvage the canvas. You can only start over.

"Hello?" Timidly I stepped into the church building, unsure of whether I was early or late or in the wrong place. I hadn't come to the Church often…it had never really crossed my mind to. But today, I had come for one reason and one reason only: to help Popuri prepare for the wedding. Or rehearsal. Something wedding-related. I had no idea, to be honest.

"Oh, Claire? When did you get here?" A smiling Elli turned to me from behind a pew, dressed in a sleeveless gown with small roses sewn into the neckline. Pale pink silk wrapped its way around her figure, flowing from the waist down in an elegant curve. It suited the nurse well: simple, sweet, and stunning.

"Just a minute ago," I replied. "Hey, I heard about the baby…congratulations."

"Thank you," Elli blushed. "Just think, come spring I'll have a newborn child in my arms! Tim was terribly surprised."

"Was he?"

She nodded. "We'd been trying to have a baby for a while now. Actually, he thought that maybe I was unable to—but I'm glad to say that's not the case. I can't tell you how excited I am…but there I go, rambling about myself! How are you, Claire?"

"I guess I'm alright. By the way, nice dress," I commented. It sort of unnerved me that Elli had shown up so formally—had I forgotten to come dressed-up as well? What exactly _had_ Popuri said yesterday, anyway…?

Elli laughed. "You mean this? Claire, that's my bridesmaid gown. You have one, too."

"I do?"

"Well, of course. Popuri has them in the back—Ann and Karen are changing into theirs as we speak," she explained.

"Oh." Mentally, I imagined myself in Elli's gown—and when I became displeased with the image, I sighed. "Pink, huh? Well, I was warned, but still…pink, huh? Elli, it really looks good on you. I wouldn't have guessed that's your color; I'm too used to seeing you in blue, I guess."

The brunette shrugged. "I couldn't care less about the color, anyway," she admitted. "I'm just excited about being part of a wedding; I haven't been to one in so long. Tim and I were married about two years ago…feels like only yesterday I was walking down the aisle." Elli closed her eyes and blushed slightly. "I can't even describe how bizarrely wonderful it feels--to glide down the aisle. Terrifying, yet thrilling all at the same time. Nothing can compare with it in the world."

"Nothing?" I replied, staring off at the windows into the distance. "Nothing at all?"

Elli's hand strayed to her belly and she smiled. "Well," she blushed, "maybe _one_ thing can compare."

I opened my mouth to speak, but was interrupted by the sound of the confessional door opening to reveal two figures in pink: Ann and Karen. Ann's carrot-top hair clashed horribly with the shade of the dress, and the subtle color only caused her pale skin to appear washed out.

Karen, in contrast, radiated beauty. The dark tone of her skin and her figure were further highlighted by the design and color of the dress. If purple was Karen's signature color, then pink could come at a close second; in retrospect, I don't think there were any colors that wouldn't flatter the girl.

"It's so itchy," Ann complained as she fumbled among the folds of silk. "And I think I'm gonna trip over my own feet in this thing!"

"Stop whining," Karen snapped. "At least it fits you."

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Ann challenged.

Karen rolled her eyes. "Well, come on, Ann—we all know that you cook all the time. That's a lot of food to be handling every day. It's not like you have a steady diet or anything—"

"This is coming from the girl who guzzles down wine non-stop at the bar?" Ann laughed flatly. "Don't _you_ tell me about self-control, Karen. I'm completely happy just the way I am, anyway."

"All I'm saying is—"

"Does anyone know where Popuri went?" Elli interrupted, her eyes pleading for the bickering to stop. The two girls froze and their fury slowly cooled to a dormant anger.

Looking away from Karen, Ann mumbled, "She and Mary went to drop by Lillia's, I think. They said they left something behind."

"They're probably just running a little late," I shrugged.

"So it would seem," Elli sighed. "I wish she'd come soon, though. I'm not entirely sure what we're supposed to do."

"We're starting with the flowers, aren't we?" Karen reminded her.

"That would sound about right," the nurse nodded. She fidgeted a bit, then said, "Would any of you mind if I checked up on the two of them? I'll be back soon, I promise; I don't want to leave you doing all the work or anything. I just…I worry about these kinds of things."

"Go ahead, Elli," Ann smiled.

"Just be sure you don't get that dress dirty," Karen warned. "Popuri will flip out on you if you do."

Elli laughed. "I'll be careful. I promise. Oh, and Claire!"

"Yeah?" I answered.

She gave me a quizzical glance, tilting her head at me in scrutiny.

"Why don't you try on your gown? You can change in the confessional," she told me.

Wearing a pink dress was bad enough. But in front of all the Mineral Town girls? A cruel form of public humiliation. "Sure," I agreed with a sigh. "Just be warned: I'm gonna look pretty hideous in that thing."

"Don't be so hard on yourself," Elli told me, standing in the doorway of the Church. "I'm sure you'll look really cute!"

I snorted. "Sure I will," I muttered sarcastically as she left. "Sure."

And as long as I'm dreaming, I'd like to have my life back.

And a bag of cheese puffs would be nice.

"_What are you saying?" I asked my coach dumbly._

_She rubbed her temples with a sigh and turned her gaze once more upon me. "We're gonna need you to serve the gamepoint."_

"_But why?!"_

"_Why not?"_

"_Because I suck!" I exasperated, crossing my arms as I sat on the bench. "You have Nikki now, right? Why are you bringing me in?"_

"_We have no choice!" my coach fumed. "One of the girls left early—if you don't get out there, we're going to have to forfeit the game."_

_I stood up and groaned. "But…why do _I_ have to serve?! Can't you change the rules?"_

"_Claire. Just get on the stupid court. I don't care what you do up there, just do it. At this point, we're going to lose anyway."_

_How encouraging._

"_What are you doing?!" Nikki hissed at me as I took my place beside her, volleyball in hand._

"_I'm playing volleyball. You got a problem with that?" I growled._

_She tossed her red hair at me and scowled. "I don't get it. Everyone makes such a big deal about you, but you're just a stupid useless spare. It won't be long before he sees that, though."_

"_Who?"_

"_You know who I'm talking about! Kai. Just you wait: you'll bomb this game, and he'll be ashamed to even be seen with you, much less talk to you," she smirked. "You'll be the laughingstock of the entire school for losing the championship game." _

_I shot her a glare. "Shut up."_

"_I'm being perfectly serious. Go ahead, serve that ball. Seal your fate."_

"_You're so freaking annoying," I snapped. "I don't value your opinion. Get over yourself." _

_Despite my strong words, I was shaking with fear as sweat trickled down my forehead. Dear God, practically the entire student body was watching me—waiting for me to fail, waiting for me to prove my uselessness._

_I couldn't do this._

_My hand trembling, I balanced the ball onto my arm and blinked as anxiety threatened to make me faint._

_And then, biting my lip, I smacked my hand into the ball, and it went flying, flying into the air and hitting—_

_The net._

_I closed my eyes and muttered a few choice words under my breath. I was such an idiot._

_I could hear Nikki laughing to herself, and the loud complaints of my teammates. But suddenly, a great sound echoed through the stadium—a sound I had not been expecting._

_People were _cheering.

_My eyes opened cautiously, and I glanced about to the stands, where I could see a small, yet impressive, group of young men—the entire swim team--clapping and whistling and shouting. One bandana-wearing boy in particular stood out to me, holding a large sign proclaiming: "__**Go Claire the Spare!"**_

_Deliriously, I turned to Nikki and began to laugh, meeting her confused look with a smile._

"_We might have lost the game," I grinned. "And I may look like a complete idiot. But you know what? Some guys prefer complete and total idiots. Go figure."_

_She chose to retort with a glare and deliberate shove._

Closing the door of the confessional behind me, I searched for the gown and found it folded on top of the priest's chair. The room was a little foreign to me; I hadn't been a very religious person, in either my childhood or my adulthood, and I had never stepped into such a hallowed place before.

Slipping off my overalls, I felt the cold touch of the air conditioning on my skin and shivered. Goosebumps prickled my skin as I began to pull on the pink attire; it was surprisingly soft to the touch. It fitted snugly about my waist—not too tight or too loose—but my only complaint would have to be the itchiness brought on by the fabric flowers.

But then again, Popuri just couldn't forget her signature flowers, now could she?

"You're so selfish!"

My ears perked up at the sound of shouts from outside my door. Hastily I smoothed out my dress and creaked open the door; from my point of view, only Ann was visible. It had undoubtedly been her shrill voice that had spoken.

"Well, I'm not lying," Karen retorted. "It's ridiculous all the attention she's getting…it's just a baby."

"Just a baby?!" Ann fumed, her hands forming into fists. ""Karen, I--! Do you even know the hell she went through?! All the tears and worries and fears that overwhelmed her? No, you don't. Because you never bothered to ask, did you? Because you're still wrapped up in your own little world, where everything revolves around you. Hate to break it to you, but you're not the only one with problems. Just suck it up and move on."

Tension loomed over the pews like an ominous cloud, and though I could not see her, I could sense the rage surging inside Karen's body.

"Shut up, Ann. You don't know what the hell you're talking about," the blonde warned.

"I know a good deal more than you do!" Ann snapped. "Just wasting away, moaning about your problems, and complaining when good things happen to good people—people like Elli—isn't a life! It's a sorry excuse for an existence, Karen."

"Shut up--!"

"I _won't_ shut up. Everyone else will, but I won't, Karen. People pity you, they baby you, but I won't. You're an adult. You can grow up. And you want to know something? Jack's never coming back!" Ann shouted, unable to hold back her flood of emotion. "Don't you get it?! He's gone! Gone, Karen! And he's never arriving on a ship to whisk you away like in some fairy tale ending! Grow up."

The red-head was trembling, sobs escaping her throat. And yet, she held her head high, unflinching under Karen's ice-cold glare as she came forward to approach the waitress. The shopkeeper's daughter held her hand up as if to slap the tomboy, but somehow she managed to restrain herself from doing so.

"How dare you," Karen seethed. "You talk to me like you're some sort of high-and-mighty Goddess, but you're a hypocrite, Ann. You're waiting just like I am. Don't tell me that seeing Elli get everything she's always wanted—a husband, a baby, a real life—doesn't sicken you or drive you up a wall. You know what I'm talking about. Yeah, Jack's gone. But he's coming back. I just know he is. Just because Cliff isn't doesn't mean you have to take it out on me."

Ann gritted her teeth. "Don't you _ever_ compare Cliff with Jack ever again," she threatened. "There's a huge difference between them, and you know it."

"Like what?" Karen challenged smugly. "The fact that Cliff left first?"

"That he had an actual reason," Ann countered, tears springing to her eyes. "That he had no choice. That he actually _loved_ me. Before you say something like that, you'd better know what the hell you're saying."

An eerie silence penetrated the thick layer of apprehension, and I found my breathing had slowed to a low and almost unnoticeable sound. My heart beat faster and faster, and the fear of being caught listening in on their discussion burned within me.

It hadn't been my place. It hadn't been my place to overhear what had just happened between them. I backed up in the confessional and almost tripped on the screen blocking the confessor from view.

The noise lead to a concerned call of, "Are you okay in there, Claire? Everything alright?"

I got up awkwardly and replied, "Um…y-yeah, I'm fine."

"What?"

"I said I'm fine!"

"Open the door, I can't hear you."

I unlatched it and groaned, finding myself face-to-face with Ann. The red-head cocked her head at me, and said, "Well, that took you long enough. Was something wrong with your dress?"

"Yeah. Something like that," I shrugged.

She smiled. "These dresses are pretty weird, huh? I can't for the life of me figure out why anyone would want to wear one."

It was remarkable…how her voice could have been bursting with such furious emotion mere minutes ago but was soft and casual now. Karen glanced up at me from a pew and raised an eyebrow.

"No offense, Claire, but pink is not your color," the blonde commented, seemingly unfazed by the argument as well.

"I know," I nodded with a little sigh. "I know."

And picking up a bundle of flowers, I began to adorn the church.


	12. Chapter 12: Written

**Note: **Alright, there's **language** in this chappie. Don't say I didn't warn you. I had to cuss more than I usually do, because it's part of Jack's character. I hope no one gets offended. This was FUN to write, by the way…though I ended the chapter a little earlier than I wanted to.

**Chapter Twelve: Written**

The person you see walking beside you on the sidewalk is nothing but an illusion. You can describe their hair color, their gait, the way they smile—or the way they frown, if they choose not to smile—but that's all you can do. Inside each of us are unsaid stories that each passerby doesn't know, and quite frankly probably doesn't even think about. I could walk past you and you would never know how my heart has been shattered.

You don't see my soul. You don't see my heart. You don't see my hopes and dreams and fears and sorrows. I would be nothing to you but a human being wandering among the masses.

And that's all you'd be to me.

The sun had just begun to dip into the western sky when I began my trip home from the church. The dress draped over my arm, I stepped slowly and leisurely in the comfort of my overalls, contemplating what had happened during the past few hours.

Oh, of course there was the normal gossip and chit-chat that girls always share, and we had gotten the Church set up as well as practiced where we would stand during the ceremony, but all that my mind could register were those heated words shared by Karen and Ann—those bitter, sobbing, pained words.

A shiver crawled up and down my spine as I recalled how their voices were raised. Somehow, it frightened me—the intensity of their emotion. Karen in particular unnerved me, though I couldn't quite put my finger on the reason why.

Once home, I flung my gown on my bed and kicked off my shoes. My stomach grumbled, and I started for the refrigerator and brought out a couple of cookies. I hadn't eaten in hours—I found myself wondering if perhaps I should have gone to that picnic after all.

But that thought didn't last long.

My blue eyes glanced about the tiny room; my apartment in the city easily doubled its size. Here and there were old boxes full of junk that I hadn't organized since moving in. Most people take months to get all their belongings situated, so I guess I fit the statistics pretty well.

Munching on my cookie, I approached a nearby box and peered inside. Books. Lots and lots of books. I smirked as I picked up a dusty tome, thinking that I'd probably never read half of these stories anyway. The thought occurred to me that maybe I should donate them to the library; no one would read them, but Mary would be pleased, at least.

Cookie in mouth, I started to organize them into two piles: keep and don't keep. Obviously, the don't keep pile was far more impressive than the keep one. I'd only saved a few books: an old collection of fairytales my parents had once given me, a mystery novel I had yet to finish, and a diary I had never written in. I had always thought that the point of life was living it; when you stop and take a moment to jot it all down, you're wasting time that could be spent _doing_ something _worth_ writing down.

Finishing the last of the cookie, I picked up the three volumes and crammed them onto my bookshelf—then froze.

A small green journal was perched smugly on the shelf, held between a tool guide and an animal information booklet. Pushing a strand of blonde hair from my face, I reached for the journal and pulled it from between the books carefully.

The first page alone was enough to arrest my attention: "Property of Jack Weed."

No way. There was just no way. My pulse quickened and I stole the door and windows a quick glance. Locked and closed. Perfect.

Privacy really meant nothing now; my curiosity was peaked, and besides, I had paid for the farm and all its contents—including Jack's conveniently forgotten journal.

Breathlessly, I turned to the first entry and snuggled up on my bed, eager to read.

**Spring First:**

**So, I make one bad joke in front of the boss, and before you know it, I'm tossed to the curb like yesterday's garbage. A sense of humor just so happens to be a gift—guess a rich idiot like him wouldn't be able to buy one even if he tried. What the hell do I care anyway. But I'm moving. Hell yes. Moving to some farm in God-knows-where, where I can slack off when I want to, because nobody cares about deadlines there anyway. The ad sounds promising.**

**Spring Second:**

**Promising, my ass. It was a first-rate scam--beautifully written, too—and the fact that I fell for it makes me a complete and total idiot. But anyways, the farm. It sucks. I've got to clean up the whole freaking thing, and I've got to grow stuff, and just WHAT THE HELL. Did I mention there is no air conditioning? No MTV? This sucks eggs.**

**Spring Fifth:**

**There's one saving grace to this dump, I guess. The girls. Oh, yes. Even bumpkins like these Mineral Town morons can have hot chicks, apparently. Though there's only five available. And they're all as naïve as five-year-olds. Not sure whether that's a good or a bad thing. Anyway, it's gonna make having fun a little harder than I thought. Oh, well. Life goes on.**

**Spring Eleventh:**

**Here's my girl analysis thus far:**

**Ann: Okay, so the chick's got fashion issues, but damn, she's one hell of a bartender. Too bad she's dating some hobo freak. I can fix that, though.**

**Popuri****: Her laugh is so frickin annoying. I mean, she's hot, but…God, that voice of hers, it just…no.**

**Elli****: She's innocent beyond belief. I'm dead serious. Her clothes are so—so---**_**modest**_**. And she works all the time, and she's boring, and a goody-goody, and just… A prude.**

**Mary****: Take Elli's boring-ness and multiply it by like a thousand. Add glasses, frizzy hair, and stammering. Another prude.**

**Karen:**** HOT. Damn. Oh yes, definitely going on my list. Definitely.**

What a first-class creep. Who made him the judge of all things female, anyway? I suppressed the urge to throw up and continued.

**Spring Eighteenth:**

**Urgh…Ann is no longer on the list. Apparently she believes all that "I'm dating a guy, and I have to be faithful" crap. Sucks. She can talk damn loud, too, when she's mad. On another note, Karen seems to like flowers. Sweet. Cheap gifts work for country girls.**

**Spring Twenty-Ninth:**

**I can't believe I've almost survived a season of this crap. I'm actually working the field, too. I mean, what is wrong with me? Aha, well, maybe it's a good thing. Oh yeah, news on Karen. We're officially "dating." Whatever the hell that means in Mineral Town.**

**Summer Fourth:**

**I have officially decided that all people with glasses are freaks. Some dude—Ronald? Richard? Whatever—came up to me and got all in my face, saying, "You'd better take good care of Karen! Blah blah blah!" Uh…what?**

**Summer Twelfth:**

**The psycho's name is Rick. He's related to the other pink-haired psycho. I bet you his hair was originally pink. He probably dyed it. Not that I blame him.**

**Summer Twentieth:**

**Weird day. I'm minding my own business, when I go to the beach and Karen's sitting on the pier, right? And suddenly, she falls forward—straight into the ocean. It was crazy. I had to go fish her out. She started acting all dopey and shy…it was strange. Normally, she's like a firecracker of sarcasm and energy. But not then. Weird, weird day.**

**Summer Thirtieth:**

**Farm is doing alright, I guess. I make no money, but I survive. But Ann's boyfriend—that Cliff dude—I heard him complaining the other day about something. Apparently he's short on cash and needs a job. Sucks to be him. But yeah, Karen and I are going out tomorrow. Did I mention she's been acting strange lately? All blushy and stuff.**

**Fall Fifth:**

**Karen and I've been dating a while, right? Don't you think that by now…I don't know, something would have happened? This is like the longest relationship I've ever had, and we haven't even gone to the next level. Wait a sec…I'm talking to a book. What the hell?**

**Fall Twelfth:**

**I'm gonna ask her tomorrow. It's the Full Moon Festival. Yeah….dunno what that is. Some village hick thing. But apparently it's romantic because Cliff is taking Ann. I think it's as good a time as any to ask Karen. From what I've seen, she's probably never even done it before. What a bunch of naïve villagers…**

**Fall Thirteenth:**

**Wow. Good day. Very good day. I mean, I've had better nights, but she's definitely above average—**

I flipped a few pages in disgust. I was curious about the guy, but not _that_ curious.

**Fall Twenty-Second:**

**I saw the psycho again today. That Rick guy. He looked pissed. Apparently, he's found out what Karen and I are doing. The stupid village doesn't like it, he says. When they find out, Karen's gonna be rejected and mistreated, so we need to stop, he says. But he won't tell anyone about it. The little weenie doesn't want to get his dear Karen in trouble. Idiot's in love with her, I bet. Screw him.**

**Fall Twenty-Eighth:**

**Karen's getting pretty clingy. I dunno, I mean, I know I'm her first, but…yeah. And Rick won't leave me the hell alone. He thinks he's entitled to preach to me just because he's known Karen longer. I don't want his opinions. I don't want his concerns. I want him to jump off a cliff and die.**

**Winter Second:**

**Duke popped up at my house today. Asked me if I knew anyone in need of a job. How the hell would I know anyone? Ah, well. Karen's coming over later. No time to write now.**

**Winter Fourth:**

…**I'm screwed. So screwed. Damn. They found out. About Karen and I. Damn. It's all Cliff's fault. That freaking hobo. Damn. He had to walk in, cause he couldn't even mind his own business. Karen's mom is spouting all this "marriage" crap, everyone in the street is casting me dirty looks, and I think Rick is gonna kill me. Damn.**

**Winter Fifth:**

**This whole farming experience is beginning to tighten like a noose about my neck. I can't stay here anymore. I can't walk in the streets without being scowled at or cussed out every five seconds. I don't want to get married at twenty-two years old. I want to get the hell out of here. And it's all that Cliff guy's fault. He couldn't be like Rick and keep quiet, could he? Well, he's gonna pay for this. He ruined my life, so I'll ruin his. Get this: if Cliff doesn't get a job, he'll be forced to move. I could always mention Duke's little offer to him. He'd be able to stay here, with Ann, for as long as he pleased. All I have to do is tell him. Thing is, I won't. Screw you, Cliff.**

**Winter Sixth:**

**Guess what? I got to have a little chat with Cliff before he left today. Apparently, he was going to propose to Ann if this hadn't happened. God, I couldn't stop laughing when I found out. I told him all about Duke's job, that I was the bastard who destroyed his life. Heh. You should have seen the look on his face. Like he'd just killed a puppy. If everything wasn't so messed up right now, I think this would be the best day of my life.**

I blinked. Propose to Ann… A job Cliff could have had… Cliff could have stayed. He could have stayed. Ann could have been…been…

His wife.

**Winter Eighth:**

**I'm off to Vegas. Well, I will be in a few hours. What a crappy year it's been. I mean, I had to wait three seasons to have any fun with Karen, and then she makes my life hell with her village's freaking rules and stereotypes. It wouldn't have lasted much longer, anyway. Me and Karen, I mean. She's hot, she's feisty, but she's so damn clingy. I told her I was leaving, and she went crazy. Grabbed at my shirt, sobbed, screamed for me not to go. Said she loved me. Creepy, huh? The only way I could get her to let go was to promise I'd come back for her. She bought it. Gullible, naïve girl that she is, she believed me. Hell, you couldn't **_**pay**_** me to come back here. I'm done with this place. Boat's coming in an hour. Sayonara, suckers.**

**--Jack**

Blank. All the rest of the pages, blank. I leaned back against the wall and let the events replay in my mind. What a jerk. What a complete and total jerk. How could Karen see anything in him? How could she expect someone so…so…_horrible_ to come back for her? The only thing I could see myself doing with scum like that was saying quite a few choice four-letter-words.

And Cliff…Cliff hadn't left by his own free will. Cliff could have stayed. He could have…he could have…

I glanced at the clock. There was still time.

And journal in hand, I sped for the inn.

"_Know what next week is?" Kai called to me from the desk behind._

"_Ms. Ferris is going to put us in detention if you keep talking during class," I reminded him._

_He rolled his eyes. "Are you kidding me? That woman loves me. She'd probably ask me out if I didn't already have a certain beautiful girlfriend."_

"_Stop it," I retorted, pushing him playfully. "What if someone heard you?"_

"_Let them hear," he shrugged. "I don't care. But yeah, next week will be awesome."_

"_Finals week?" I replied dubiously._

"_The last week of school," he corrected me. "Next year, we'll be seniors. And this summer, we can hang out and do what we want without school breathing down our necks."_

_I smiled. "That does sound nice."_

"_Nice? It'll be freaking awesome. My swim coach even found me a summer job," Kai grinned._

"_Seriously?"_

"_Yeah," he nodded. "I'll be teaching kids how to swim at a local pool. I need a paycheck really bad. I'm saving up."_

"_For college?" I asked._

"_As if. I'm gonna buy a boat, Claire," Kai beamed. "A nice, sleek motorboat. Can you imagine? Riding into the sunset, having a haven to turn to when our parents get to be too much, and unlimited access to the sea."_

"_Your dad could buy you a real nice one," I reminded him. "He and my dad own that huge company—"_

_He shook his head. "You don't understand, Claire. I need to do this on my own. I need…to earn it. It has to be mine, not my dad's. You understand?"_

_But before I could reply, a very impatient Ms. Ferris asked if Miss Banks could please go to the desk and explain why she was being so chatty today._

Faster. Faster. My feet slammed against the pavement, rushing to get the Inn as fast as possible. The building came into view--lights off, door locked, and windows closed.

I rammed my hand against the door of the inn. "Ann? Ann, you there?"

It creaked open and I stepped in to see Ann—not in her bridesmaid dress like before, but relaxed in her overalls. Her blue eyes widened as they caught my frantic expression.

"What in Goddess's name is it, Claire?" she asked. "It's one in the morning. You look horrible."

"Ann…I need to show you something," I began, out of breath. Bringing the worn journal from my side, I handed it to her. Her fingers grasped the book awkwardly.

"What is this?" she demanded, turning it over curiously.

"Just read it."

"But it's someone's journal—"

"Read it, Ann. Please," I begged.

With a sigh, she opened it to the first page. The ink glared at her, and she froze as she read the opening words. "Dear God," she whispered, her hand flying to her mouth. "Dear God. This is…his. His journal. That bastard's."

I nodded.

She took in a deep breath, and glued her eyes to the pages once again, biting her lip.

And as she read, I waited.

* * *

**End Chapter Note:** Sorry about the weak ending and the weak flashback. And the language. I know this isn't exactly the chapter you all were expecting. But I needed it. It's important. And oh yeah: I'm going out of town next weekend. That means next update will either be early or late. Thanks for reading! 


	13. Chapter 13: Truth

**Note: **Long story short: too much work equals no time for a trip out of town. I'm a slave to essays and assignments. Boo. Writing this story is the only fun I get out of the week…and lately, it's had to take a backseat to schoolwork. Thanks to my reviewers and readers. I love you all! –hugs-

**Chapter Thirteen: Truth**

Love. It is one simple word, a word that no one has ever been able to truly decipher. Such power is instilled in those four letters—the power to invoke joy, laughter, sorrow, and pain. And perhaps the most pain is brought about when it vanishes. When your heart is broken, do you ever learn to let go of the past? Do you close your eyes and ears, throwing yourself into some sort of denial? Do you scream to drown out the truth?

And do you cry?

I glanced from the windowpane to the red-head seated at the table, her hand over her mouth as she stifled a sob. Shuddering, she turned the final page, closed the journal, and turned towards me. I winced at the sight of her tear-streaked face, and lowered my gaze.

"Claire, where did you find this?" she whispered.

"In my bookcase."

Ann nodded, placing the book on the table. Then, propping her arms on the table, she lowered her head. "I…I don't know whether I should be furious or miserable or incredibly happy. He loved me…Cliff really did love me…"

The tears choked her again, and she slammed her fist against the table while I watched on helplessly.

"Damn him," Ann exasperated. "Making me cry like this… But I shouldn't be crying. I shouldn't be. This is so stupid—so, so stupid."

"What is?" I questioned gently, inwardly recoiling at Ann's loss of composure. It was almost frightening to see someone with such iron-hard confidence reduced to a trembling, sobbing, little girl.

"All of it!" Ann shouted, glaring at me. "The fact that Jack made him leave, the fact that Cliff was too much of a coward to write to me and say what that bastard did, the fact that he never got the chance to propose to me! Claire, you don't understand—I'm not supposed to _be_ here. If Jack hadn't screwed things up, I wouldn't be alone. I'd be with him. I'd…I'd be…happy."

The waitress wiped her tears with her sleeve and let out a little exasperated cry. I reached out to her tentatively, then thought better of it and brought my arm back.

"I'm sorry," I murmured. "I just thought that you should know. That…that you had a right to know."

"Damn right," Ann retorted. "I just can't believe that Jack would—no, that's a lie. I do believe it. It's Cliff that I want to strangle."

"Why?" I persisted, a little taken aback. "Jack's the one who—"

"Who lied! Who lied to me and got away with it because Cliff was too insecure to tell me the truth!" Ann raged. "It's been a year—a whole year—of writing letters and sharing telephone calls and pretending that it somehow kept our relationship alive. He could have told me. He had _countless_ chances to tell me. Cliff has no excuse."

She played with the fringe of the tabletop, and repeated, "No excuse…" softly to herself as if to calm her nerves. Biting her lip, she turned to me again, and whispered, "Do you have any idea what it's like, Claire? Blaming yourself for days on end, wishing you could have done something to keep the one person you love by your side? And when you can't even do that, you feel like the most worthless person in the world."

She took in a deep shaky breath, her red-rimmed eyes staring at the candle centered on the table. "Deep down, I guess I always blamed myself. I don't know why, I just thought that maybe it was my fault. That maybe part of Cliff was glad that he could leave me behind—that maybe he'd wanted to leave in the first place. He's a traveler, Claire. And travelers get restless. I've met enough to know. But Cliff would have been too nice to say that he didn't want to stay here…he would have left just like he did: in the early morning behind my back. I had so many doubts, Claire…and they were all wrong. If he had just told me, then damn it, I wouldn't be crying!"

I waited until she could finally compose herself before replying. "I didn't mean to upset you, Ann. At least you know now, right? That he loved you. That he cared for you. And that he probably still does. Isn't that enough?"

She rested her chin on her hands, and let out a hollow laugh. "Shouldn't it be?" she murmured. "Shouldn't it be enough? After waiting for so long, you'd think…that this would make me happy. That this would somehow help me to forgive myself for letting him go. But instead, I feel…empty. Like a piece of me left with him, and I didn't fully realize it until now."

She held out the journal to me, the cover blotted with occasional tear-drops. "Claire—thank you. Thank you. Really, I needed to know this. I--I owe you. But someone else needs to read this. Someone else needs to know the truth."

"Who's that?" I whispered.

She lowered her blue eyes, and replied, "Karen. It's time she knew."

And I could only nod as the book was thrust into my hands.

"_She's gone."_

_Kai furrowed his brow as he saw me enter the hallway. "Who?"_

"_Nikki," I exclaimed, shaking my head in disbelief. "Nikki. She's…gone."_

_The red-head's name caused Kai to relax his anxiety for an instant. "You didn't hear?"_

"_Hear what?"_

"_She moved," Kai explained, looking away. "Up north."_

_I blinked. "Why?"_

"_She's a foster child," Kai told me, sighing. "The woman taking care of her passed away last weekend; she had to be transferred to a new home. You didn't know?"_

_My eyes widened. "N-no," I stammered, shaking my head. "I had no idea."_

"_It's funny," Kai shrugged, "what you don't know about people. You never really think about their family life and stuff—it always comes as a bit of a shock, you know?"_

_I nodded slowly. "Yeah…will she be okay?"_

"_Who knows? I think she'll be fine," Kai replied. "But Claire, c'mon, smile. It's the last day of school. Summer's officially started! Claire? Claire?"_

_But I couldn't hear him. I could only hear the hateful thoughts I had harbored all these months for a complete and total stranger._

I stood on the bridge, taking slow and steady steps forward as I fixed my gaze on the figure in the distance, a silhouette against the moonlight. The wind tossed her blonde hair, while her eyes refused to stop staring at the distance—waiting for a ship that would never come. Waiting for a love that never existed. Waiting for a lie.

Fear shackled my legs to the ground, and no matter how much my mind screamed to move forward, I could not. I didn't want to be the one to shatter the protective wall of lies, I—I couldn't.

I knew what kind of agony the truth could bring. I knew what misery could well up in her heart for years and years, even more painful than the lie that she was forced to bear. Was telling her the truth…was that really merciful?

Stepping backward, a stick crunched under my feet. Karen glanced back towards me, and as her innocent emerald eyes met mine, I took off running, unable to withstand her gaze.

"Claire, you'd better have one great excuse for waking me up at this hour," Rick yawned, opening the door of the Poultry Farm. "What's wrong?"

I bit my lip and held the journal forward, trembling in my grip. "Here," I worded finally. "Read this."

Cocking an eyebrow at me, he adjusted his glasses and flipped open the diary's pages. Upon reading the title, he looked up at me. "Want to sit down?"

Without waiting for a reply, he pulled out a chair and sat down in the one next to it. I lowered myself into the chair and crossed my arms, shivering.

Hours passed, while I shuddered and wrapped myself in one of Lillia's quilts as Rick read. He never flinched at its contents, though he furrowed his brow and his lips straightened into a frown.

"Claire, why are you bringing this to me?" Rick asked finally. "Why not Ann or Karen?"

"Ann knows," I replied softly.

"And Karen?"

For a moment, I stared at him with hollow eyes, then let out a helpless sigh. "I—I couldn't, Rick. I couldn't do that to her."

"I see. So you came to me, instead?"

I nodded.

Rick sighed, closed the book, then stood up. "Claire, come with me. I want to show you something."

Dropping the quilt onto the arm of the chair, I stood up slowly and began to follow Rick out the door. Once again, I found myself outside, and Rick patiently waited for me in front of the chicken coop.

Opening the door, the poultry farmer bent down onto the floor and began to pry open one of the floorboards without disturbing the slumbering hens. I watched as the wood was loosened from its cranny, revealing stacks and stacks of papers. Wiping the sweat from his forehead, Rick stood up and cast me a quick glance. "Do you see all that? All those envelopes stacked in there?"

My blues eyes flitted from envelope to envelope, shocked by the sheer number of them.

"All of them, Claire---every last one—is for Jack," Rick explained, kneeling down. Picking up a handful, he tossed them to me. "Go ahead, Claire. Look at them."

Somewhat skeptically, I did so, my fingers pushing open the envelope carefully and skimming its contents. I repeated the process over and over until finally only bits and pieces of the phrases registered in my mind.

"Jack, how have you been?"

"…life in the city?"

"Do you miss me?"

"Your letters must have been delayed…"

"I'm doing fine."

"I had a dream about you the other night…"

"…miss you."

"I love you, Jack."

The cursive writing smiled at me, twisting and turning all my emotions into a whirlwind of pity, anger, and sorrow. In disgust, I handed the letters back to Rick, who stared at them for a moment in his hands before placing them back into the nook.

"All of them were sent back, Claire," he spoke finally, closing his eyes. "The address didn't exist. Zack said they kept piling and piling—he didn't know what to do with them, so I said I'd take them and burn them. But I guess…I wasn't strong enough to burn them after all. I couldn't admit that they were all just worthless love letters written by a fool for a fool. She—she loves him. I can't pretend that I can erase her love for him so easily. I can't pretend that burning them will make all her pain go away. So I keep them here."

He tossed the journal lightly in his palm. "I can keep it here, Claire. She doesn't have to know. She doesn't have to harbor all that pain inside."

I stared at him, and as my lips found they could form words, I whispered, "You loved her, didn't you?"

Rick paused, a small wistful smile passing across his lips. "You could say that. But times change. And sometimes, the person you love needs a friend more than anything else. Karen…Karen isn't the girl I knew back then. She's not the girl I loved."

Unceremoniously, the journal was thrown into the cranny and trapped under a plank of wood. Rick looked up at me.

"It's four in the morning."

"It is," I agreed quietly.

"My sister's going to run you ragged in the morning. You should go home. Rest."

"But—"

My protest was met with a skeptical glare, and with a sigh I turned to go.

"And Claire?"

I paused in the doorway at Rick's final plea.

"Thank you. For not telling her. For...for protecting her."

"…You're welcome," I whispered.

And the door closed.


	14. Chapter 14: Decisions

**Note: **I am constantly amazed at my reviewers and their insights. The fact that I'm writing something that makes so many people think and so many people happy just fills me up with joy. Cheesy, but it's true. I love you guys.

**Chapter Fourteen: Decisions**

Anyone can wait. Anyone can dream. Anyone can lay down and let the sun rise and set day after day while they do nothing. And yet, when it comes time to stand up for yourself—to _do_ something—only a select few have the willpower to go on.

And sometimes I wonder, what would it take to join those few?

What would I have to leave behind?

"Ann's leaving."

I looked at my visitor in shock, unable to do anymore than exclaim, "You're joking."

Popuri shook her head. "She's at the dock now; she'd have boarded the ship by now if we hadn't stopped her. Claire, I don't know what to do—she won't listen to a word I say. Everyone's there trying to stop her, and Rick said I should go get you. Something about last night."

Scattered pieces of memory connected in my mind: the journal, Ann's sobs, the hidden stash of letters. But I tried to block out everything except what had gone on at the Inn—what Ann had said.

"Let's go," I nodded, slamming the door of my home. "Where is she again?"

"The dock, Claire. The dock."

A small crowd had formed about the dock, surrounding a young red-head with her head held high and a bag slung over her shoulder. In the audience, I could see many familiar faces—Elli's and Rick's standing out in particular. The poultry farmer was standing on the fringe of the crowd, shaking his head as the nurse attempted to change Ann's mind.

"Ann, calm down for a moment," Elli was pleading, her hand reaching out to hold Ann's shoulder. "Isn't this awfully rash and sudden? Think about what you're doing."

"I've been thinking all night," Ann retorted, jerking her arm away. "Thinking, thinking, thinking about all this waiting I've done. I'm going after him and you can't stop me. I need him. I—I can't make the same mistake twice."

"What are you talking about…?" Elli whispered, her expression softening.

Popuri and I broke into the ring of spectators, shoving past Manna and Basil to reach the center. "Ann! Claire's here! She's here!" Popuri shouted, pulling me along desperately. "Tell her, Claire. Tell her to stay."

I blinked in confusion, and Ann turned her ice blue eyes upon me in scrutiny. "You're trying to stop me, too?" she stated dubiously. "I would think after last night, you'd know better than anyone why I have to do this."

"Where are you going, Ann?" I cut in, avoiding the question. "What are you trying to prove?"

She adjusted the pack on her shoulder and put her hands on her hips. "Where do you think I'm going? To see him. To make things right. I got a letter a few days ago…he's only a few towns away. I can reach him. I know I can."

"Bull."

Everyone turned to see who had spoken, and a figure clothed in purple stepped forward. The wind tossed about her blonde hair, and her emerald eyes flashed dangerously. "That's bull-crap, Ann. You're going because you're scared, aren't you?"

"Karen, leave her alone," Elli begged.

"Shut up! This isn't your business," Karen growled. Smirking at the waitress, she let out a hollow laugh. "That's right, Ann. You're scared. Because you know he's not coming back, am I right? You know Cliff forgot you. You know he abandoned you. You know what I've been saying all along is true."

Silence penetrated the air, and Ann stared at the beautiful girl before her almost pitifully. Her braid danced on the breeze, and finally Ann turned to glance at me and then towards Rick. "I see," she spoke quietly. "You didn't tell her, did you?"

Rick lowered his head, and I simply watched on speechlessly. Elli frantically stole a glance towards me, then turned back to Ann.

"Forget Karen for a second, Ann," Elli insisted. "Is this really worth it? Leaving your home behind on a whim?"

"I'm an adult, Elli," Ann replied. "Believe it or not, I can leave my home. My dad was fine with this, so why are you all turning against me? This is my choice. This is what I want—no, _have_ to do."

"But what about everyone here?" Elli whispered. "What about everything you'll leave behind?"

"What about everything I could be missing out on?" Ann snapped. "You try to make it sound so simple—well, it's not! All of you are just standing there and watching me, like I'm sort of rebellious child who needs to be tamed! I'm not a child, okay? I'm an adult. And I know very well what I do and do not want to do with my life."

"Ann," I spoke finally, stepping forward. "You don't even know if Cliff will accept you back. I hate to be a killjoy, but what if you find him and he doesn't feel the same way about you anymore? What if it's too late?"

"There's only one way to find out, isn't there?" she retorted. "And I _do_ intend to find out."

A cry in the distance called my attention, and I saw Kai running towards the group breathlessly.

"Zack's on his way," he panted. "I tried to distract him as long as I could, but he's on his way. The boat will be leaving soon."

Panic leaped into Elli's throat, and she exclaimed, "Don't go, Ann! Please, just—I want you here. We all want you here. I want you to see my baby, and Popuri wants you to see her wedding, and no one wants to go to the Inn without seeing your smiling face. Please, Ann. You're my best friend…I don't know what I'd do without you."

The nurse closed her eyes and big round tears made their way down her cheeks as she sobbed.

Ann stood there impassively, her grip on her bag faltering somewhat.

"I can't stay, Elli," the redhead sighed, scratching her head. "I can't sit here, wondering what might have happened if I saw him again. I need to pick myself up and move on. I need to stop blaming myself. And…blaming him…only reminds me of how much I love him. I'm leaving, Elli. I have to."

"Do you have to leave now?"

The person who had spoken was Rick, who had remained silent this whole time. Coming forward, the poultry farmer continued. "Why tonight? Why not tomorrow, or the next day, or the day after? No one said you had to leave this minute. No one said you had to choose now. You don't want to miss my sister's wedding, do you?"

"I don't have all summer," Ann reminded him. "Cliff will be leaving his current town soon."

"How long do you have?"

"Three days."

Rick whistled. "That soon?"

Popuri bit her lip and folded her hands, her scarlet eyes darting back and forth from her brother to Ann to Kai. "Ann?" she squeaked tentatively. "What if…I had the wedding sooner? Like, in two days. Could you come?"

"Two days?!" I exclaimed aloud. My outburst was met with stares from the villagers.

Ann cocked her head in thought. "Yeah," she said finally. "Yeah. I could come, I guess. But Popuri, can you really change your wedding day that easily--?"

"If it's alright with Kai, I'd like to," the pink-haired girl murmured. "Elli's right. I do want you to be there. It wouldn't be right if you weren't there with me."

Kai's expression was a mix of shock and worry, but as he approached his fiancé, he nodded. "We'll change the date, then," he announced. "The day after tomorrow, Popuri and I are getting married. Ann, you'll come, won't you?"

The waitress nodded.

"I'll be there," she promised. "But when you leave on that boat, I'm coming with you. And no one can change my mind."

And with that, the crowd dispersed. Ann started for the Inn, then paused as she saw Karen's eyes upon her.

"You think you're doing something noble, don't you?" Karen accused. "You think going after him makes you special. Well, I doubt you'll make it off this dock. You're stuck here, just like I am. Waiting."

"That's where you're wrong, Karen," Ann replied. "Only one of us is stuck here waiting. Only one of us is chained here. And I'm glad to say it's not me."

"_Open your eyes."_

_My eyelids fluttered open at Kai's quiet request, and I gasped as I beheld the sight before me. A simple, sleek motorboat rested upon the waves, its white sides polished and the seats wiped clean. The metal glittered in the moonlight, and I found myself gasping in awe._

"_Do you like it?" Kai insisted._

"_Like it? It's—it's beautiful," I exclaimed. "Is this what you did with your summer?"_

"_Mostly," he admitted. "But man, all those hours of work were worth it. Want to go for a ride?"_

_I blinked. "You mean, you can drive a boat?"_

"_Yeah, my dad taught me. I have a license and everything, too. Come on, get aboard."_

_I stepped onto it timidly, the boat swaying as I stepped aboard. Untying the rope, Kai joined me and sat in the driver's seat._

"_What do you say we take a quick trip?" he grinned._

"_I'd love to," I beamed. And as the boat sped off, the wind picked up to a surprising speed, causing my blonde hair to fly into my face. It was smooth, it was fast, it was breathtaking. I didn't want the wind to stop blowing, I didn't want the moon to set. I didn't want the waves to stop crashing against the side of the boat, I didn't want to stop._

"_Claire, wouldn't it be great if everyday were like this?" Kai sighed. "If everyday, we could simply let all our troubles and cares float away—if everyday we could just go where the water takes us. Just you and me and the sea. Wouldn't that be something?"_

_I nodded, smiling. But eventually, the moon would set, and that magical night would be locked into my memory, to be recounted over and over again in my mind on warm summer nights._

"Two days," I whispered, shaking my head. "Two days."

Two days to finish preparing the Church. Two days to learn all the aspects of the ceremony. Two days until my first love married my best friend, until death do they part.

I needed time. I needed more time than that. Time to figure out all these emotions, to figure out some way to stop this all from happening.

But that was the one thing I didn't have. Time.

And it was the one thing I had let slip away.


	15. Chapter 15: Running

**Note: **I'm getting nervous. Every time someone starts saying this is a great story, I feel pressured to keep that standard. But…that's a good thing. Stress can push you outside of your comfort zone, and you can find yourself doing far better than you ever imagined you could. So, I'll keep trying. Thanks for the support.

**Chapter Fifteen: Running**

No one is ever really "ready" for anything. You can line your up dominos in a straight line, but you can't guarantee that the wind won't blow them over before the design is done. You can schedule a trip to the city next Friday, but you can't stop the weather from being too dangerous to travel in. You can tell someone you love them, but that doesn't always mean they'll love you back.

You can make promises, but you won't always keep them.

My insomnia attacked with a renewed ferocity that night, and when morning came, I could barely keep my eyes open. But the Church was in need of final decorations, the positions had to be memorized, the reception planned, Popuri's luggage packed—

I don't know how we did it all, to be honest.

"I can't believe tomorrow's the wedding," Mary murmured, placing a vase of flowers on one of the reception tabletops. "It seems so soon."

"Well, it is," Popuri admitted, smoothing out her dress. "Mama's worried about me; she says I might be going in over my head this time."

"Are you?" Ann asked, concern wrought on her pale features. "It's really no big deal if I miss your wedding, Popuri; I won't hold it over you or anything. If you're juggling too much for my sake, then--"

"Stop talking like that, Ann!" Popuri insisted. "It's no trouble at all…really. I want you to be there, okay?"

The waitress sighed. "I wish I could do something for you guys… You're bending over backwards for me, and I haven't even gotten you a wedding present yet."

"You being there for me is gift enough, Ann," Popuri assured her. "I'm just so happy you'll be there."

"We all are," Elli smiled back.

Karen snorted in the back, making Elli's statement invalid. I propped my arms on one of Kai's chairs and sighed; it had been decided that the reception would take place in the Snack Shack, as Kai had requested. Popuri had disagreed, but Kai being Kai, he got his way.

Now, looking at all the wooden furniture garbed in white cloth, it seemed as if his whole restaurant had undergone a complete transformation. It had lost that homey, familiar feel that I had come to adore—the smell of pine mixed with sea salt and the rough touch of splintering wood on my fingers.

All of it had vanished in favor of a pure white surface, blanketing all those flaws and imperfections from view. But I found myself missing them beyond words, knowing that after tomorrow it would be a year before I would set eyes on them again.

"Claire?"

Startled, I turned to the speaker and asked, "What?"

"The bachelorette party. Are you coming?" Elli repeated.

"Oh. Um, I don't know," I replied, unprepared to answer. Of course, I had forgotten all about the bachelorette party: a final hurrah for Popuri, who was blessed with a bright future and wedded bliss. As far as I was concerned, it was nothing more than a party for someone who didn't deserve any praise.

"Claire, you have to go!" Popuri begged. "It'll be at my house, and just us girls, and you'll have so much fun, I promise! You just _have_ to come, Claire. You're my maid of honor!"

How I hated that title. There was nothing "honorable" about it.

"…Fine," I grimaced. "I'll come."

_Cameras. Cheers. Shouts. Tears._

_Graduation day was a blur of black and white robes, of speeches and good-byes. Diploma firmly in hand, I walked outside, shaking my head in bewilderment. How had it all happened so fast? How had all those years of school ended in mere hours?_

_That morning, my parents had made this big deal over the fact that I was an "adult" now, that I was a mature young woman instead of a schoolgirl. "Everything will change now," my mother had assured me. "You'll see."_

_But I felt the same. I stared at my hands for a moment, lingering on the diploma enshrined in my grasp. What made me different than the girl I was yesterday? What did this paper really prove?_

"_Claire!"_

_I turned to find myself embraced by a fellow robe-clad companion. Kai grinned as he twirled me around. "We did it! We did it! We graduated!"_

"_Put me down!" I huffed, conscious of people staring. As he did so, I asked, "Hey, do you feel any different?"_

"_Different?"_

"_Now that we've graduated. Do you?" I insisted._

"_Sort of," he said finally, scratching his head. "Like…a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Or something."_

"_Or something," I repeated, smiling. "It's weird, you know? We've still got so much ahead of us, and yet it feels like everything's over. Urgh, college is going to be brutal—I can just feel it."_

_He frowned. "College? Well…I don't know, my parents keep pushing me to go to community college. Dad really wants me to graduate from his alma mater, and no way am I getting in with the grades I have now. But I'd rather do something else, like…like…cooking."_

"_Cooking?"_

"_Well, why not?" he laughed. "Ms. Ferris would be proud."_

"_Claire, Claire!"_

_We paused at the sound of my mother's voice, and I grimaced. "Uh-oh. They're going to want pictures. You'd better run, Kai."_

_He grinned. "Good luck. Hey, meet me at the boat later, okay?"_

"_Okay," I agreed, standing on tiptoe to kiss him good-bye._

_But I didn't know in that moment--in that brief second--that this would be the last time my lips would meet his._

_I was such a fool._

Two days. Two days. Two freaking days.

No, no, make that one day. It was already the night of the first day; mere hours remained. Sluggishly, I started on the path to Popuri's house, dragging my feet along the pavement listlessly.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow. Tomorrow.

I was wasting time. If he only knew—if I could only tell him—would that change anything? Though that was selfish of me; to tell him the night before his wedding would be cruel. But if I stood before him, if I screamed my love for him to the skies, would he choose me?

Yet, what made me worthy of his love? I was nothing more than a girl who haunted his past, only to reappear in his future like a mismatched piece of a jigsaw puzzle. What was I but Claire Banks, a girl with only a head full of regrets and memories to offer?

I'd walked past Popuri's house. I'd noticed that the Poultry Farm had disappeared from view, but that didn't stop my legs from moving forward. Step after step, my pace began to quicken, and I found myself sprinting towards the Inn. Fear racked my heart, and I wanted so terribly to ease my guilt somehow—to let all this pain sheltered inside break free.

There was no time.

I didn't know what force prompted me top open the door to the Inn, I didn't know what I planned to say, I didn't know if what I was doing even made sense. But as I started up the stairs, the urgency that had pushed me forward started to recede into a slow and frightened walk.

Tip-toeing towards the door to Kai's room, I took in deep slow breaths.

Now.

My hand rested on the knob, only to be arrested by the sound of voices coming from the room. Creaking it open somewhat, I found myself staring at two men: one Kai, and the other Rick.

Holding my breath, I listened as their words escaped through the door:

"I'm asking you as a friend, Kai."

A laugh sounded from the traveler. "A friend? Since when have we been friends, Rick?"

"Since Popuri decided to marry you. We're…we're going to be brothers, you know. And I need to ask you this before it's too late."

"Can we make this quick?" Kai asked. "The guys are waiting at the Snack Shack for us to start the bachelor party."

Rick nodded. "It should be a simple enough question."

"Shoot."

"Do you really love my sister?"

Kai's smile vanished and was replaced with a chilling demeanor—something so unlike him that it frightened me for a moment. "I don't think that question even deserves an answer, Rick. Of course I love her. I'd do anything for the girl."

"Are you sure?" Rick pressured him. "Because after tomorrow, you can't turn back on her. You can't look for someone else."

"Who could I possibly leave her for?" Kai retorted. "Don't you think I have integrity? Don't you think I know how to love and care for someone?"

Rick shrugged. "Honestly, Kai, I don't know. I just have this…feeling."

"Feeling?"

"Maybe I'm being over-protective," Rick sighed. "But I just don't want to see anyone hurt. I don't want anyone's heart to be broken."

"Rick, you know I love your sister--"

"I'm not talking about Popuri," Rick interrupted softly. "I'm talking about Claire."

Dear Harvest Goddess. My entire body trembled as I leaned against the door, finding myself unable to breathe or stand without great effort.

"Claire?" Kai repeated. "What about her?"

"Everything," Rick accused. "I see the way she looks at you—talks about you, for that matter. Everything changes: her voice gets quiet and her eyes look downcast. I'm just saying that--"

"You're saying you think that…that _Claire_ loves me?"

The silence spoke for itself. Rick closed his eyes, shrugged, and turned away. Kai's eyes widened.

"You can't be serious, Rick."

"I am."

"But that's…impossible."

"There's nothing impossible about it," Rick countered. "Are you blind, Kai? Look at her. When she talks to you, just _look_ at her for once. Then you'll know I'm right."

"Rick, I'd appreciate it if you shut up right now," Kai warned, his hands tightening into fists. "I know Claire better than anyone—"

"That's a lie."

"I know her better than you do!" Kai shouted, his eyes flashing. "I've known her longer than any of you, Rick! I know things about her that you would never learn even after spending years and years with her. That's why I can say it's impossible that she loves me: because I _know_ her better than anyone. Don't you dare talk to me about Claire, Rick."

The words came out in a furious stream of indignation, hurling themselves at an unflinching Rick. The poultry farmer crossed his arms, sighed, and closed his eyes. "Kai, I just don't want…I don't want to see anyone get hurt. Whether it's Popuri or Claire, I just don't want to go through that again--to watch someone go through that kind of pain."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Kai snapped. "Listen, Rick: I love Popuri. I _love_ her, okay? Why isn't that enough for you? Why do you have to keep finding some reason for me to stay away from her—like making up some romance with one of my best friends?"

"That's all she is to you, then? A friend?"

"_Is that all I am to you, Kai?"_

A statue in the doorway, my eyes locked onto him, waiting until he finally shook his head and said, "That's all. I swear. She's…a friend, Rick. A friend."

It was one word. And yet, it was the one word that I had feared hearing ever since setting my heart on him: friend. I felt a lump rising in my throat, and as I began to cry I doubled over, unable to repress the despair engulfing me. Sobs racked my body, sending me slamming against the door so that it swung open, revealing my presence.

I could barely make out the figures of Kai and Rick standing there amidst all my tears—the water blurred my vision, causing the world to become naught but a swirl of bittersweet emotion. The two men were blotches of color, indistinguishable in my anguish.

I couldn't see, and yet, for the first time, everything was painfully made clear.

"…Claire?" Kai breathed in shock, unable to move. "What are you doing here?"

I covered my tear-streaked face with my hands, and I choked, "I'm standing here, dammit!"

My outburst caused his eyes to widen. The traveler came towards me, his hand held forth tentatively. "Are you alright--?"

"Shut up!" I screamed, backing up. "Just shut up!" I turned towards Rick and shouted again, "What are you staring at? I'm standing here! I'm just standing here, dammit!"

The poultry farmer's expression softened, and he whispered, "Claire…" as if the sound of my name could quell my troubled heart.

But it couldn't.

I shouldn't have gone. It would have been so much easier to wear a fake smile, to wait for a love that would never come, to shrink from a truth that I'd never have to hear. But no, I had chosen to approach him—and without telling him a thing, I had heard all I needed to erase all those childish fantasies from my heart.

And now, I was running.

Coward that I was, I was running from the Inn--running away in a denial that no longer could console with its lies. He had rejected me, completely and utterly, from his love. I had been rejected. I had been replaced. I had been forgotten.

I stumbled in the dark, racing past the shops, the streetlights, my house, and the woods, until I was standing atop a mountain peak. With nowhere else to go, I stared at the sky, bereft of starlight, and once again the tears sprung forth against my will. I stood there like a child, sobbing and sobbing until finally I collapsed to my knees on the ground.

I had been a fool. I had always, always, been a fool.

"Where are you going to run to now?"

I didn't have to look up to know that it was Rick who had spoken. The wind tousled my blonde hair, sending it flying in all directions and causing it to cling to my moist cheeks. Closing my eyes, I whispered, "I--I don't know."

"Then maybe it'd be a good idea to stop running." I heard the sound of him sitting down beside me, and I tried valiantly to suppress my tears.

"I haven't stopped running," I replied, lowering my head. "That's all I do: run, run, run until I finally can't run away anymore. I've been running away from my life so much that it makes me sick. I—I _hate_ this. I hate how everything is all wrong, how I can't control anything anymore. And Rick, you can't understand how that feels."

"Is that so?" he murmured.

"You can't understand!" I retorted, facing him head-on. "You can't understand what it's like to love someone you can never have, to spend every night blaming yourself for what happened, to have to hear to your face that you're just not good enough! That you'll _never_ be good enough! That you don't deserve love, because you're too damn selfish to know what love is! You don't understand, Rick! You don't—"

But as I saw the weary look reflected in his gaze, I felt the word "understand" die in my throat.

"…I'm sorry," I whispered, my hands clamping over my mouth. "I'm so sorry, Rick, I—I didn't mean it. I just don't know what I'm doing or what I'm saying anymore. I just…I don't know."

"Claire," the poultry farmer insisted, cocking his head at me in thought, "why is this so hard for you? You knew. You knew all season, and yet you choose now to cry. What makes this so painful? What exactly are you looking for?"

"Nothing. There's nothing left to look for."

"I think you're lying." Rick's eyes flickered towards me. "You want forgiveness, don't you?"

"What--?"

"That feeling—that dream where you're drowning in the tide—it's eating you up inside. It's guilt, it's regret, it's something intoxicating and agonizing and it won't go away. It lingers at the corners of your mind, it haunts you every second of every day, and you can't confess it. You want to release it, but you don't know how. And that's why you're crying." He leaned back. "Go ahead, Claire. No one's here but you and me. Kai's not here, Popuri's not here—only I'm listening. And if you want me to, I _will_ listen. I'll try and understand. I'll try and share the burden. So go on. Release it."

I took in a slow shaky breath. Glancing at him for a moment, I tried to collect my thoughts and put them into words—a process that was surprisingly difficult. Despite wanting to come off as confident, my voice cracked, and I spoke slowly and softly.

"I—I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm crying, Rick. I'm sorry I heard what you were saying, and I'm sorry I heard what Kai said, too. I'm sorry that everything is all wrong because of me, and that it'll never get fixed. And I'm sorry…I'm sorry that it hurt him."

"Who?" Rick coaxed softly.

"Kai," I whispered, propping my chin on my knees. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

* * *

**Important Note:** Unfortunately, I will NOT get chapter sixteen up on Friday. It'll be kind of late, because I'm in a play Friday night and the cast party will be long and I'll get home late. So, yeah. Expect it…Saturday? (This story is so addicting to write—if I go more than a day without working on it, I become a very sulky and irritable person. So, no worries about hiatus.) 


	16. Chapter 16: Release

**Note: **I have been dying to write this flashback-loaded chapter for months. And now, it's time! Hope your eyes aren't killed by the italics. I worked really hard on this chapter, so….hopefully it's good.

**Chapter Sixteen: Release**

"Sorry" is a hollow word. It does nothing, and yet when something is wrong—when something becomes so horrible it can never be reversed—it spills out over and over again from our lips. It stretches and expands, trying to mend the wounds caused by hurtful words. But the truth is, it can't. "Sorry" doesn't have the power to ease pain.

"Sorry" means nothing.

"I've known Kai my whole life," I murmured. "Rick, I swear I know that boy better than anyone. I know where he hid his pet puppy when his parents told him he couldn't have a pet, I know he was scared of the dark until he was ten years old, I know that in eighth grade he was the only boy who hadn't been kissed. I know everything about him. Maybe…maybe I know too much."

Rick waited as I bit my lip and tried to figure out how to start. "The last time I saw him was five years ago…at high school graduation. He'd barely passed, you know. Kai never really cared about studying or grades or anything."

"And you?" Rick asked.

"I…I did alright," I shrugged. "I did well enough to make it into a good college—it was where my parents had gone. But, um, that didn't come until later. Rick, can I—can I tell you something?"

"Go ahead."

"It's important you know this," I insisted. "So that you'll understand what I have to say about what happened."

He nodded.

"I _loved_ him." I stared at Rick forcefully. "Remember that: I loved him. Even back then, I did. So don't judge me."

"I won't."

"Good." I hugged my knees closer. "I…I remember that night. I think it's the one moment of my life that I can remember clearly—that I can see replay before my eyes over and over, despite how many years have passed by. It was graduation night…my last night as a child. I changed after that night, Rick. I…I guess I grew up."

_It was a full moon that night. The stars glittered in the evening sky, and as I walked towards the pier, I could feel the cool sea breeze caressing my skin. My sandals crunched on the sand before slapping against the wood of the dock. I stood before the boat and sighed as I saw Kai hadn't arrived yet. _

_Late, as usual._

_I stepped onto the boat cautiously, causing it to sway under my weight. After hopping aboard, I sat upon the driver's seat and folded my hands on my lap. The rush of the waves gently rocked the boat, and I closed my eyes as the sea's rhythm played in my ears. _

_But the loud sound of a car door slamming woke me from my peaceful silence._

_My eyes snapped open to see Kai starting for the boat, the corners of his mouth pulled into a frown and his normally-laughing eyes narrowed into a fixed glare. I swung out of the seat and stood up, my ponytail bouncing. _

"_Kai, where've you been?" I questioned._

"_Hell, as far as I can tell," he snapped, jumping aboard and slinging himself into the driver's seat. He rubbed his temples with a groan and closed his eyes. "Claire, I—I can't believe this. I just…I just don't _get_ it. I want to scream, to break something, to just—and they're my own _parents_, for God's sake!"_

"_Slow down," I insisted, coming towards him and wrapping my arm around his shoulder. "Wait, what about your parents? What happened?"_

_He laughed bitterly. "It's _been_ happening. It's been happening all eighteen years of my life, and I never noticed it until now. I was so damn blind."_

"_To what?"_

_His hand tightened into a fist on the wheel. "Claire, I went home and they were talking. About me—no, actually, about you, too. Sticking their damn noses in everyone's business. Talking about their big-ass company, and how it was a shame I had to go to community college. But it'd be alright, because apparently once I'd gotten out of my little 'phase' I'd bring up my grades, go to Dad's college, and inherit the whole damn business. And do I get a say in this? Do I get a choice? No, because apparently I'm an idiot without his own opinion!"_

_I furrowed my brow and pursed my lips, trying to comprehend what was so new about this concept. "Your parents have been wanting you to do this for awhile, Kai—"_

"_Yours, too."_

"_What do _my_ parents have to do with any of this?"_

"_Everything, Claire," he groaned, turning his gaze towards me. "You remember how we met? How our parents introduced us as kids? Isn't it interesting how we've always gone to the same schools, how our parents were so happy about us dating?"_

"_What are you saying?" I whispered._

"_We were set up. They _wanted_ us to do this—to fall in love, to someday graduate college and even get married. Because that way, the company—that damn company—would become a family business, which is what our parents always wanted. Claire, I—I heard them say it. I _heard_ them."_

_I shook my head. Hugging Kai tighter, I protested, "No, that can't be right—no, Kai, I—our parents wouldn't be so…so…"_

"_Shallow?"_

"_Well, yeah," I admitted, squeezing his hand. "You must have heard them wrong—maybe they said that they would just like it if we dated, that it would be a nice coincidence—"_

"_Claire," Kai interrupted me. "I'm serious. And you know what's worse? We don't have a future. It's all been written for us by a couple of middle-aged business tycoons who see us only as potential heirs. And I don't want to work in a company! I don't care about being a millionaire or a business tycoon or any of that crap! I…I just want to live _my_ life, you know? Not someone else's."_

"_You still can—"_

"_Not with them, I can't," Kai snapped. "Damn it, Claire, I—I liked thinking that my future was this open book—a book that _I_ got to write in, you know? Claire, the truth is I don't want to go to college. Not even community college. I don't want a degree. I—I don't need one."_

_As he rested his head on his hands, I knelt beside him and contemplated what to say. But what _could_ I say? The people he was hating right now were the people we had looked up to for eighteen years, the people that we had clung to when times were hard and laughed with when times were good. I hadn't even bothered to challenge my parents' dream for me…I hadn't even decided what I wanted to do with my life._

_And yet, here was Kai, so desperate for freedom he'd do anything to break free. I felt like I could almost see the chains of his parent's plans shackling him, and I held him tighter._

"_Kai, I'm sorry," I whispered. "I…don't know what to say. I don't even know what you should do. I just wish I could help somehow."_

"_You can."_

_His response startled me, causing my hands to jerk back from him in shock. "I…can?" I repeated._

_Kai nodded, turning his dark eyes upon me. His whole body swerved towards me, and I felt cornered as he began to speak again. "Remember what I said to you once? If everyday, we could simply let all our troubles and cares float away—if everyday we could just go where the water takes us: just you and me and the sea. I meant it, Claire."_

_I could hear my heartbeat pounding throughout my body as he extended his hand to me._

"_Come with me, Claire," Kai insisted. "We don't need them—we don't need any of this. We can escape. We can get on this boat, we can leave everything here behind, we can go where the water takes us. We can write our own future…together."_

They say there's always a defining moment in someone's life. A moment that completely changes everything—a moment whose consequences can't be reversed. Time after time, I've wished that I could go back and face him again…that I could have changed everything.

But my moment passed long ago.

"What did you say, Claire?" Rick prodded me gently. "What did you tell him?"

"_Kai…" I breathed in shock, backing away from him. "Kai, I—I—"_

"What did you tell him, Claire?"

_I shook my head, my ponytail undone by the strong grip of the wind. "Kai…I can't," I whispered, choking on my own words. "I'm sorry, but I—I just can't!"_

"…No," I replied softly, closing my eyes. "I told him no."

That happened five years ago. But I could still see that look on his face plain as day: that look of complete disbelief and betrayal. My heart shattered at the thought of his pleading eyes, of the knowledge that _I_ was the one who had run a dagger through his heart.

I…I'd abandoned him.

"I was no worse than our parents," I whispered, holding out against the impending sobs. "I'd turned my back on him when he needed me most…I wasn't ready."

I was scared.

"_Claire, what do you…?" Kai's eyes widened, and I could swear there were tears forming in those dark orbs. "I don't understand, Claire: do you want this life here?"_

"_Kai—"_

"_Do you?" Kai accused again, his voice rising. "I thought you wanted something better than this—I thought you wanted to live your own life, Claire. I thought…I thought you loved me."_

"_I do!" I insisted, tears spilling down my cheeks. "I do love you, but this is—it's too sudden, Kai! This is our home, where we've lived for eighteen years. I took my first steps here, I—I have everything here, Kai. My parents—"_

"_They don't think about what you want, Claire."_

"_They're still my parents!" I shouted. "I love them, and I—I can't do this! I can't run off without a trace. There has to be a better way to go about this, Kai—please, can't you just calm down for a second?"_

_My plea rang out in the silence, lingering in the air for a few moments as Kai's glare relaxed into a sad look of weary understanding. He turned away, staring at the horizon. "Claire…maybe you're right. Maybe…maybe this is too much to ask of you. Go—go home, okay?"_

_The request was spoken quietly, more of a plea than a command. I came forward, and placed my hand on his shoulder again. "Kai, I—"_

"_Just go."_

_My fingers curled back into my palm, and I stepped away slowly, his back turned to me. His bandana danced in the breeze, and I could swear that the face it hid was crying._

_I disembarked the boat and began my descent home, my sandals causing the wood below me to creak. I thought about running back to him—about apologizing, about changing my mind._

_But I didn't._

"That…was the last time I saw him," I told the poultry farmer, my eyes glistening. "The next morning, he was gone—his parents and mine were shouting at me, asking where he went. The boat was gone. _He_ was gone. I didn't know what to tell them. I—I just stood there in my pajamas, dumbstruck. I didn't want to believe it, that he was serious. That…the one boy who'd always been there for me…was suddenly gone, as if he'd never existed."

That morning—that first morning without him—was the first time in fourteen years that he didn't knock on my door. That he didn't say hello. That I didn't see him smile. I hadn't thought such a day could exist. I didn't realize that there could be a morning where I'd wake up and he'd be on the other side of the world.

Can you imagine, being betrayed by all the people you love most in one day? In hours, Kai had been stripped of a future, deceived by his parents, and abandoned by the girl he loved.

I don't know how he coped for those five years. I don't know how he found the will to move on. I just don't know. But I do know that all that pain he must have suffered in those first few days—weeks, months, maybe even years—was my fault.

No matter what excuses I try to make, it was always my fault.

Rick waited as I took in another breath, my throat hoarse from crying and talking.

"I called his cell phone over and over…I left messages begging him to come back, that this was stupid, that his little prank had fooled everyone so he should come home now. I kept screaming into the phone--his voicemail was the only proof I had that he existed. They…they found his cell phone under his bed. I had no way of reaching him. I'd—I'd truly lost him."

"Didn't his parents hunt him down?" Rick insisted.

"It didn't matter," I replied. "He was eighteen; he could declare emancipation. Even if his parents found him, nobody could force him to come back."

"…What did you do?" Rick asked quietly.

"I cried," I admitted. "Actually, I cried a lot…I went to the dock every evening that summer, where we used to hang out by the boat. I waited for him there, and—well, eventually, I tried to move on. I went to college. I got my major in business. My dad hired me right after college graduation. It…it felt empty. Almost like betrayal."

_Those days spent in the cubicle were long and tedious—paper after paper was thrust onto my desk for me to work on. I had no time to pity myself. It was perfect for occupying my mind. All those memories had been filed, just like the papers on my desk—filed away where no one could see._

"_**Three messages waiting**__."_

_I clicked the button on my phone and listened to my answering machine as I attempted to organize my current pile of papers. _

"_**New message:**_

_**Hey, Claire! It's Mark. You've got Sunday off, right? We should go get a cup of coffee or something—come on, you know you want to! I promise, I'll pay all the way—there is no way you can pass on a free meal, right? Call me**__."_

_I groaned and pushed the delete button. God, why couldn't that boy give me a break?_

"_**Message deleted. To undelete, press one.**__"_

_Obviously, I didn't._

"_**New message:**_

_**Miss Banks, this is Martha Green. I would like to speak with you as soon as possible in regard to those papers you filled out yesterday. Call me back at my cell phone number: you'll find it on caller ID. Thank you."**_

_Urgh. Ms. Green was yet another one of my father's employees that resented my fast climb on the business ladder—however, her position was higher than mine, and she certainly flaunted it._

_No doubt she was going to pick apart the work I'd done yesterday. Again._

"_**Message deleted. To undelete, press one." **__A pause. "__**New message:**_

_**Claire, um, it's Sharon. You know, the girl who works next to you? I'm the one who spilled my drink on you last Thursday—do you remember me now? Ah, well, anyway. Some of the employees are getting together on Saturday to hang out, and Mark said you should come with us. He actually—oh, wait, I wasn't supposed to mention him! Stupid, stupid…uh, well, heh-heh, hope you come anyways. Bye."**_

_I paused for a moment before hitting the delete button._

"_**Message deleted. To undelete, press one.**__"_

_My finger lingered over the one button, but then I shook my head and pulled it back._

_I had too much work to do. Besides, men were the last thing on my mind—_

_I froze. My eyes had locked in on a figure outside my window: a figure dressed in purple, complete with a bandana. _

_No way. No freaking way._

_Without considering the rashness of my actions, I sprinted from my cubicle and raced out the door, leaving a confused gaggle of employees in my wake. I ran down the street, screaming, "Wait up! Please, wait up!"_

_I wasn't going to lose him this time. I couldn't, I just couldn't. I wouldn't let myself. _

_My fingers grabbed at his vest, and as he turned towards me my heart sank._

"_I—I'm sorry, sir," I murmured, staring at a complete stranger. "I…I thought you were someone else."_

_He brushed me off, muttered something obscene, and kept on walking._

_I stood in the middle of the sidewalk: alone, hurt, and confused. This…wasn't right. None of it was. I felt I could see Kai staring at me in disgust, frowning at my job and success._

_I couldn't handle this anymore._

_I needed an escape. I needed a change of pace, something new to stop myself from thinking about him. I needed to move on, but everything around me reminded me of home. I wanted to forget. I _needed_ to forget._

_And as fate would have it, I found the ad from MT realtor on my doorstep that very day._

"Rick, I—I don't deserve him," I muttered, wiping tears from my eyes. "I betrayed him, I abandoned him, I—I could have been with him! I could have spent the last five years as the happiest woman in the world, as his lover! But I wasted them in schoolrooms and cubicles, when I could have been spending them in his arms. I was so stupid, I was so scared, I—I hate myself!"

I cradled my head in my arms and let out a stream of sobs, like a little girl. I could say I didn't want him to marry Popuri just because I loved him. But that would be a lie. Rick was right: I wanted to be forgiven. I--I wanted to know that I wasn't as worthless as I felt. And if he could forgive me for what happened back then—if he could love me—maybe all that pain eating me up inside would vanish. Maybe we could bring back the love we once shared—the kind of love that I could only dream about those lonely five years.

But it was a selfish dream.

"Hate is a strong word," Rick reminded me, putting his arms around me. "What you did…the fact that you said no…that was your choice, Claire. I can't say if it was right or wrong, but it's over now. And you shouldn't hate yourself, ever."

"But I was so damn selfish," I choked. "I didn't think of him, of how it would hurt him—I only thought about how scared I was. Now that I've seen him again, I—I guess it's strange…that I'm the one still clinging to the past, that I'm the one still crying, while he's moved on. He's fallen in love again, even after what I've done to him. But I, the one who shoved him away, am still falling for him. Why is this so hard, why can't I just let go? Damn it, why do I still love him?"

I buried my head on Rick's shoulder, crying and crying without restraint. "He's happy now, he's happy, damn it! Why am I crying? Why am I crying when…when I know this is what's best for him? When I know that I'd only hurt him, that hurt him is all I've ever done? Even now, I've selfishly thrown myself on him the night before his wedding, and I shouldn't even _be_ here. I'm supposed to be at the bachelorette party, I'm supposed to be at the bachelorette party…I'm the damn maid-of-honor…"

Rick stroked my head, and as he pulled me closer, he whispered, "You're exactly where you need to be right now, Claire. Exactly where you need to be."


	17. Chapter 17: Amends

**Note: **(stares at review count with mouth open like a goldfish) Uh…wow. WOW. This is, just…thank you. Thank you so much. I'm in awe, really.

Special thanks to my 200th reviewer, **HmGirly12**. Over 200 reviews. I--I'm…wow, I'm just going to shut up now.

**Chapter Seventeen: Amends**

I dreamt again that night--the same dream that had plagued me since Kai's return. The ocean was washing over me, blanketing me in its waves of sorrow and regret and loss. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't speak. I could only flail about in the water, my lungs constricting and my throat filling with water. I was drowning in the grip of the tide, and as my blue eyes closed, my hope was dragged down along with me.

That is, until someone took my hand.

And suddenly, as I was freed from the waves, I found that I could breathe.

The dawn crept in on me the next morning, sunlight streaming through my window and waking me from my slumber. I rubbed my eyes, then paused as I realized that I had actually _slept_.

Since when did that happen?

My pale legs slung over the side of the bed, and as I stretched, I eyed the dress draped over my table. The pale pink fabric contrasted against the blue overalls wadded beneath it, reminding me of just how different today was.

A wedding day.

Listlessly, I continued my morning routine without hesitation, thinking nothing as shower water caressed my skin and a comb attempted to detangle my damp hair. I pulled the bridesmaid dress onto my body, silently adjusting the strap and staring blankly at the mirror. The cold touch of a pearl necklace clasped about my bare neck sent chills down my spine, causing me to shiver involuntarily.

I stared into the mirror, my pale face gazing back at me with clear blue eyes. My hair hung limply at my shoulders, and slowly I brought my hands to it and pulled the coarse blonde strands into something resembling a bun. My fingers worked cautiously, oddly unrushed by the fact that the wedding was starting in a mere two hours.

How had two days become two hours?

Lingering before the mirror, I cast myself a final glance—my eyes locked onto the frail, emotionless creature reflected in the glass. And then, I walked towards the door, closing it behind me as I started for the Church.

"Claire?"

The Church doors had barely opened when Elli greeted me, her expression frantic. "Oh, thank goodness you're here."

"What's going on?" I asked, looking about to see Ann sitting in the corner and Karen lounging in a pew. Mary stood beside a giggling May, fixing the flowers in the girl's hair.

From what I could see, nothing was wrong.

"It's Popuri," the nurse tried to explain. "She's having cold feet, and nothing I can say will calm her down—she's your friend, so I thought maybe you, if anyone, could talk to her."

"Cold…feet?" I repeated. "You mean she doesn't want to get married?"

"See for yourself," Elli sighed, opening the door to the bride's room.

It was a room seldom used in the Mineral Town community—a room that I had never set eyes on until Elli opened it for me. I crept in slowly, closing the door behind me as I walked into the small, dimly lit space. The sound of sniffling reached my ears, and I soon saw the girl sitting down amid a bundle of white dress fabric.

Popuri blinked her ruby eyes at me, large round tears flowing down her cheeks. Her thick pink hair was held back by a delicate veil, revealing her tear-streaked cheeks. At my arrival, she hurriedly brought her gloved hands to her eyes, wiping away the tears that laid there.

"C-Claire, w-what are you doing here?" she sniffled, staring at me with red-rimmed eyes.

"Trying to be a good maid-of-honor, I guess," I replied, sitting down across from her. "You okay?"

Stupid question.

The girl stared at me for a moment before her lip began quivering and she broke out into full-fledged sobs. "Nothing's okay! Everything's wrong, and I—I'm such a _child_ to not have realized it sooner."

I furrowed my brow, whispering, "Realized what…?"

"Claire, what did I do to you?" Popuri accused, slamming the bouquet into her lap. "W-what did I do to make you mad, to make you hate me? I—I—I don't understand. I thought I was being nice, that I was being a good friend, but—but—"

She broke into another fit of tears, pulling a handkerchief from her side and blowing her nose noisily.

A little shocked by the words I was hearing, I insisted, "Popuri, why would you think I hate you?"

"You didn't come!" she snapped, dabbing her eyes. "You didn't come to the bachelorette party, and I realized that this wasn't the first time you'd been acting weird—as soon as this season started, you've been avoiding me!"

"Avoiding you--?"

"Yes! Avoiding me!" Popuri continued. "You've been yelling at me, being mean to me, and whenever I try to hang out with you, you push me away! We were best friends, Claire…I trusted you. Why do you think I asked you to help with this wedding, anyway? I wanted to be able to spend time with you—because I knew after today we wouldn't see each other! I was trying to be a good friend, but…but I guess…"

I paused, the weight of her words sinking in.

Had I been avoiding her? To my surprise, countless memories flooded into my mind--all shoving this cheerful girl away from my pity-stricken self. Rolling my eyes at her pleas for help with the wedding, replying sarcastically to her cheerful greetings, quietly envying her: all of it shoved her away.

"Popuri, I—"

"You what?" she challenged. "Don't deny it, please, just don't. You're the last person I want to see right now, and I—I—I'm dealing with enough as it is, so if you could please leave—"

"I'm sorry."

She blinked her eyes at me in confusion, whispering, "What did you say?"

"I'm…sorry," I replied, looking at the bouquet in her lap. "I didn't mean—it wasn't you, Popuri. It wasn't you I was frustrated with. There was just something on my mind, and I couldn't seem to sort it out. And…I took it out on you. I'm sorry."

There was a brief period of silence. The bride took in a steady breath, and whispered finally, "…I'm just so scared, Claire."

Her quiet words arrested my attention, and turning to her once again, I breathed, "What?"

"I'm scared." She wrung her gloved hands in her lap, and murmured, "I thought it would be so easy, you know? When he offered me that blue feather. I didn't really think about it when I said yes—I didn't think about Mama or Ricky or home. I was too happy to think about it. But now, I'm scared. So, so scared."

She lowered her head, and a little sob broke free from her throat. "I mean, I—I'll be gone for so long. And Ricky will be all by himself, taking care of Mama and the chickens. Mama _needs_ me. I know she does. Rick will be working and working, and no one will be there to make her smile. Claire, what if I come home…and she's…she's…gone?"

The tears were coming again, and I gripped her gloved hand in my own, squeezing it tightly. "Popuri…"

"I love him so much," Popuri sobbed. "I want to be with him; I don't care where we go, what we see, who we meet. I just want to be by his side. But Mama—she's hurting. And if I leave her, I might…I might lose her. And that scares me so much. I can't abandon her, I just can't!"

She flung her arms around me, crying. Just as I had cried last night.

The minutes passed as I hugged this eighteen-year-old girl in my arms, seeing in her a reflection of myself. How do you choose, I mused. How do you find the will to follow your dreams—and somehow manage to follow your heart as well? How do you find a way to stay by your true love, without leaving behind those who love you?

I guess the answer is, you don't.

"No one said falling in love is easy," I assured her, holding her close. "And I know from experience that no matter what road you take, you're going to have to make a sacrifice. I don't want to tell you which path to take, but I…I want you to know something. Some paths are written in the sand. You can only follow them for so long before the tide washes them away. And if you say no to Kai—if you reject him—he might not come back to you. Just as you might not come back to see your mother." I smiled sadly. "I know you're scared. I know you are. I know how it feels…to think that you might never come home again. That you might never fall in love again. I know how frightening that is. It's probably the most terrifying thing in the world."

She gazed up at me, eyes wet with tears. "What do you do?" she whispered. "What do you choose?"

"You choose," I replied, "what will make you happy. Because in the end, you're the only one living in your life. And...it can be lonely."

I released her from my embrace and stared at her squarely, her sobbing quieted. "There is a man out there," I began, taking in a deep breath, "who loves you. And there is a mother out there who wants you to be happy, no matter what. And I think…she wants to see you walk down that aisle. I think she wants to see you married—to see you _happy_—before she's gone." I stood up. "Popuri, just do what you think is right."

The door closed behind me. As I turned towards the aisle, I froze as a deep voice arrested my attention:

"Wait."

I wiped my watering eyes with my hand and looked at the speaker decidedly—a young man in a tuxedo complete with an out-of-place bandana. His expression soft, Kai jerked his head towards the door. "Is she…alright?"

"The woman behind that door," I answered stiffly, "is the bravest woman I know. Do you know what she's doing, Kai? She's turning her back on her home, her family, and her friends. And you'd better take good care of her. Because I know I would be far too scared to do what she's doing."

"Claire—"

I stopped as his hand gripped my shoulder.

"Claire, last night—I didn't know, I just—"

"No," I whispered, lowering my head. "No, you didn't know."

His hand slid off my shoulder, and he pleaded, "I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't mean for anyone's heart to be broken."

"That's something I did to myself long ago," I smiled sadly. "And Kai, I'm happy for you. Really, I—I want to see you happy. And I want to thank you." I closed my eyes. "Thank you…for being the first boy in the world to love me. Thank you for those memories. Thank you. I can never thank you enough for that. I'm just so happy…I'm so happy, Kai. That you could find that person you were searching for all those years."

That person…who could do what I couldn't.

Who could say yes, despite being afraid.

"Is Popuri ready?"

Kai and I both turned to see Elli anxiously looking at me, awaiting to see whether or not the wedding would commence.

"I…I'm not sure," I replied. "I think so…"

The door to the bride's chamber opened slightly, and a choked voice whispered, "I'm ready. I think…I think I'm ready."

Elli sighed in relief and gave me a grateful smile. "Well, everyone get into their places, then. Kai, Claire: get ready."

The traveler held me back a moment longer, and once Elli had gone, he insisted, "Claire, I'm sorry. You know I am."

A hollow word.

"I'm sorry, too," I answered quietly. "But it's over now, isn't it? There's nothing to apologize for."

And before he could protest, I slipped away.

I would have thought we'd practiced the ceremony a thousand times. And yet, as we started down the aisle, the aroma of flowers and sea salt confused my senses, keeping me alert and somewhat anxious.

I glanced about me, and I saw the altar coming ever closer, Carter smiling at its head. There were the villagers in the pews: Manna whispering, Lillia smiling, Jeff fretting, and Zack grunting. As I started up the steps, I caught the eye of the best man. Rick gave me a concerned glance, but as I shook my head, he relaxed and kept on looking straight ahead.

Straight ahead. Straight ahead. I fumbled somewhat in the folds of my dress, threatening to knock over Karen and Mary in front of me. But somehow I kept my balance, and we arrived in our positions with no trouble.

And then, the wedding music changed to that famous melody: the wedding march. It rang in my ears, clamoring loudly as Popuri started down the aisle. The tear stains were hidden from view by a veil, and her pale hands clasped the bouquet desperately. I wondered if anyone else saw what I saw that day: a frightened little girl in angel's clothes, starting the first step of the rest of her life.

Her white dress trailed along the ground, revealing an underlayer of lace. Her chest was heaving up and down beneath the fabric, her breathing hastened by anxiety, fear, and impatience. But then, she looked up, and Kai was smiling at her.

And when she saw that smile, her grip on the bouquet relaxed, and her bearing became more assured.

I wonder...if I am the only one who noticed that, too.

"We are gathered here today," Carter beamed, "to bind these two young people in holy matrimony."

The words continued being spoken, but I could barely hear them as my eyes centered in on the two figures in the aisle. So happy…so content…so far away.

I had no objections. But I had something else, something so painful that it made it all that much harder to watch and let him go.

"Do you, Kai Rivers, take Popuri of Mineral Town to be your wife?"

When did it happen, Kai? When did you change…when did you find that your heart could be healed? When did you learn to finally let go, to let your past gather dust in the recesses of your mind?

"In sickness and in health?"

When did you realize that you weren't alone anymore, that all those years you spent alone didn't matter? How did you learn to forget? Who taught you how?

"For rich and for poor?"

Was it her? Was it this girl, this brave child, who took your hand, who taught you how? Was it because you found someone who could embrace both you and your dream and never let go? Was it because you'd discovered your true love, your happy ending?

"Until death do you part?"

I thought I knew you. I knew where you hid when your parents would shout. I knew that you got a tattoo just to make them mad. I knew that it took you weeks to perfect the crème Brule. I knew that you never learned how to dance. I knew that you were the one who broke my favorite bracelet, though I pretended that I didn't know. I knew that your first kiss was on a porch, with a crying girl who couldn't play volleyball for the life of her.

And yet, staring at you as you said your vows, I felt that I was looking at someone I didn't know at all. Someone older. Someone who had suffered heartbreak, and survived. Someone who had moved on. Someone who wasn't afraid.

And I knew that this new you was someone I could never reach.

"I do."

And with those two words, it ended. It ended in tears, it ended in laughs, it ended in a new beginning.

But it ended. And somehow, that was the greatest miracle of all: that it _could_ end. That you could be happy.

That you could kiss the bride, despite the fact that I hadn't been the one to say, "I do."

* * *

**Important Note: **I think I need to establish that this isn't the last chapter. And...I want to say that I'll get the next chapter up on Friday, but I'm going to this party, so...um...that might not happen. But I WILL be working on this! So don't worry, okay? 


	18. Chapter 18: Goodbye

**Note: **Well, this was **quite** late, wasn't it? I've finally taken you all up on your update-when-you-want-to offer. Sorry. (EXAMS OWN ME!) So…I'm slacking on studying and writing this. Be grateful. Haha.

**Chapter Eighteen: Good-bye**

Light. Airy. Released. I couldn't think of a better way to describe my soul at that point if I tried. As if…I'd been choked, stifled, and then suddenly let free like rain from a storm cloud. It's sad, and it's cold, and there are flashes of lightning, but what would grow without rain? How can you be set free when you have nothing to release?

How can you love without ever knowing what love was?

It had been hours, but it felt like minutes; all those smiles, and those kind words, and congratulations had already fallen into the past. The vows had been made, the wedding cake eaten, the luggage packed, and the final songs sung. And there we were, standing on the dock, when suddenly all that happiness had already begun to fade.

I didn't know what to think. I was simply staring at the figures ready to leave the dock: a blushing bride, a grinning traveler, and an uncertain waitress, all carrying their own luggage with them for the journey ahead. All three carrying courage. All three scared, and yet happy all at the same time.

"Now remember, dear, write as often as you can, alright?" Lillia smiled as she brushed a stray hair from her daughter's face. "Oh, look at you. So beautiful. Your father would be so proud if he could see you now."

Popuri nodded, tears glimmering in her eyes. "I—I'm gonna miss you, Mama," she choked, throwing her arms around the startled woman. "I'll write you every day, okay? I promise."

"Oh, darling," her mother sighed, "you'll be far too busy to worry about a little old woman like me. I'd like it if you could, but—you have so much ahead. So much to look forward to. Popuri, you're an adult now. You can't be my baby girl forever."

"I…I love you, Mama," she whispered, pressing herself ever tighter against her mother. "I love you so much."

They stood like that for a while, mother and daughter locked in a final embrace. Who knew if that could be their last, if they could see each other again? What bravery it took, to risk leaving behind someone you love so much, never knowing if you would see their smiling face again.

What…courage.

"Do you think she'll be alright?"

I stiffened at the sound of Kai's voice beside me. Turning to him, I saw his gaze fixed ahead on his wife in her mother's arms. The wind was picking up as he spoke again, rising and rising until the sound of his voice merged with the breeze. "I feel almost guilty, taking her away from her family like this. Look at them, Claire. Look at how…" His voice trailed off, and closing his eyes, he sighed.

"She knows what she's doing, Kai," I answered, watching as well. "She's an adult. She's made her decision. And she's hurting now, but someday it won't hurt so much. Someday, she'll know what she did was right."

"You can't know that."

"She chose you for a reason, didn't she?" I answered, turning my head towards him. "She was brave enough to say yes to you. She knew what she was leaving behind, and she still said yes. You're…worth it, Kai. You're worth it."

He laughed, shaking his head. "I wish I was. I wish I didn't have to feel so guilty about doing the one thing that I know will make me happy."

"Then _make_ her decision worth it." I bit my lip, and continued, "Care for her. Love her. Never take her for granted. Stay by her side, and never stop loving her. Never."

Kai stared at me, her gaze lingering over my resolute expression. Taking my hand in his own, his fingers wrapped themselves around mine tightly. "Thank you," he smiled, bringing my hand to his lips and letting them graze my skin. Little tremors of exhilaration shot throughout my body, and I found myself stunned speechless as he continued. "Thank you…for understanding. You're a good friend, Claire. I only wish I—that I had never taken our friendship for granted until now."

"You weren't the only one," I whispered back. "I'll miss you, Kai. I'll miss…seeing my best friend again."

"Best friend," Kai repeated with a grin, his grip loosening. "Yeah…best friend." His fingers were slowly untangled from mine, and my hands fell empty by my sides, groping for air. "Claire, I—" He opened his mouth to speak--but the cry of a young bride jerked him back to reality—to the dock, to the future lying ahead and away from the past that he had to leave behind.

A past…we _both_ had to leave behind.

Ann leaned against the rail of the dock as Kai approached, her braid swaying in the wind. Unlike those beside her, she stared directly into the horizon, her eyes fixed on the road ahead. Her bag hung limply from her shoulder, and she tapped her foot impatiently. "I think it's about time, now. It's almost noon."

"It is, isn't it?" Elli murmured, Karen glaring at her side.

"Don't you get it?" the blonde snapped. "This is just a cry for attention, Elli—she's not really going anywhere."

"Is that so?" The red-head eased herself forward, hands on her hips as she glared at her accuser. "You might as well assume whatever you want, Karen. I won't be seeing you for a while, anyway. And hey, if I want attention, you're the one giving it to me, aren't you?"

The shopkeeper's daughter snorted. "I just can't believe how dumb you are. You really think Cliff will take you back? That he hasn't already moved on with some other dumb girl?"

"Karen--!" Elli warned, but Ann brought up her hand in protest.

"You know, Karen, I was about to ask you the same thing," Ann answered, flicking back her braid decidedly. "You've waited here every night for a whole year. You've stayed glued to this dock like it's some kind of lifeline—you're so close to leaving, but you'd rather wait for the arrival. Well I, for one, am _tired_ of waiting. I want answers, Karen--answers this dock can't give me. And I hate myself for wasting a whole year wondering what those answers are, when I could have just stood up and _looked_ for them!"

"Listen, Ann, I get it—"

"No, you _don't_, Karen!" Ann shouted, arousing the attention of the previously idling townsfolk. "Look at yourself! Give yourself a long, hard look, and tell me whether or not this is the life you want! Do you really think Jack loves you? Do you really think he's coming back? _Do_ you?"

"You know I do, Ann--"

"Then prove it." The tomboy pointed towards the vessel, her eyes fixed on Karen's stubborn expression. "Get on this boat. Go see him, and find out for yourself whether or not you're living a lie. Get on this boat right now, Karen. Because…I think you have the right to know."

Karen paused, glancing at the circle of murmuring villagers closing round her. Pinpricks of sweat appeared on her brow, and backing away, she shook her head, shouting, "I don't need to do anything! He promised me, damn it—I don't need to prove anything! He'll come--!"

"When, Karen?" Ann asked softly. "When is he coming?"

"I--!" Her voice began to waver, no longer laced with confidence. Emerald eyes glancing furtively from face to face of those about her, she cleared her throat, and replied, "I—I don't know."

"But you don't want to find out."

The accusation unopposed, Karen turned desperately to any excuse she could somehow produce. But the words died on her lips. "…You just…you don't…it's not…"

"I see." Ann's hand closed into a fist and fell down by her side. Blue eyes scrutinizing the trembling girl, Ann spoke. "Well, for your sake, I hope he does come. It's a damn shame that a girl like you has to suffer like this. A damn, damn shame."

"I don't want your pity--!"

"Then don't take it."

"All aboard! All aboard!" Zack's voice rang out, interrupting the silence that had fallen between the two. Ann shifted the weight of the bag on her shoulder, and averting her gaze from the blonde, turned to Elli instead. "When I come back, I want to see a little kid running around the Clinic, Elli. And I'll definitely need you to send pictures."

The nurse smiled weakly, her husband coming to her side. "Don't worry," she replied. "I won't forget to send them. But you'll have to come back and see our child, of course."

"Preferably with Cliff," the doctor added. "Be sure to tell him we all say hello."

"Believe me," Ann grinned, "I plan to tell him everything and then some."

I watched as the red-head took her steps onto the boat--determined, purposeful steps with no fear of what lay ahead. The next to board was Kai, extending his hand for his wife to follow him. Popuri reluctantly left her mother's arms, but before she took Kai's hand, flung herself onto an unassuming Rick.

"I'll miss you, too, Ricky," she exclaimed, squeezing him tightly. "I'll miss you so much, and I'll miss having you to boss me around and tell me when I'm being a baby! I'm going to miss it so, so, so much!"

Rick's startled expression softened, and holding her tight, he replied, "I'll miss you, too, Popuri. Take care of yourself."

"I'll make sure she will," Kai nodded, leaning on the edge of the boat. "Don't worry, Rick. She's in good hands."

The poultry farmer eyed him quizzically, and stated, "Maybe you're right. Maybe she is in good hands. But be sure to bring her back in one piece, Kai. I want to see her next summer."

"And who knows?" Elli beamed. "Maybe she'll be the one with child next year."

"Well, we'll see about that," Kai laughed, Popuri blushing. Fidgeting with her bouquet, the bride glanced about at the villagers one last time as she boarded the boat—and as her eyes landed on me, a smile broke across her lips and she waved to me furiously. Hesitantly, I waved back, suddenly feeling very shy for no reason at all.

"See you next year!" she called as the boat took off, her hand waving frantically. "We'll be back next summer!"

There were cheers, shouts, and even a few tears on Lillia's part. The vessel slowly pushed its way through the oncoming waves, sending the water spraying in all directions. The wind tossed about the folds of the bride's gown and carried the bouquet as she tossed it over the side of the boat. It soared through the air before finding itself in an unsuspecting Mary's hands.

The boat slowly faded into the distance, until all that could be seen was a tiny dot in the distance. And even so, I kept on watching until that dot disappeared into the yawning mouth of the sea.

"She left…"

I turned in surprise to see that another villager hadn't left the shore yet. The blonde was standing on the dock, her eyes widening in disbelief. "She…she actually…left."

The wind tossed about her hair, and her legs seemed nailed to the ground. Laughing nervously, Karen continued, "She left…she left…but she's coming back. She has to. There's no way she meant it—there's no way he'd take her back—these things don't happen. They don't. You wait for your promise to be fulfilled. You wait because you trust him. But you never knew that, Ann. You never trusted him, did you? That's why you have to find him yourself—because you know he'll never come back otherwise. I don't need to…I don't…I didn't have to come on that ship… Jack is coming on his own, isn't he? He promised, and I trust his promise. He's…coming back. He has to. You're both coming back. You're a liar, Ann. He promised, and he's coming back. Come back…damn it, come back!"

The laughter turned into a fit of sobs, and Karen stood on the dock, shaking her head as tears made their way down her cheeks. "Come back…don't leave me here. Don't leave me here, damn it! I don't want to be the only one waiting…I don't want to wait anymore…damn it, come back! Turn that boat around! Come back, Ann—take me with you! I want to see him again! I want—I want to stop waiting—I want—damn it, Ann!"

A hand made its way onto my shoulder, and I heard someone whisper, "Let's go now, Claire. She…needs to be alone now."

I turned around, and seeing Rick, nodded. Turning our backs on the crying girl, I tried to shut out her cries from my mind. That sound—that outcry of grief and regret and longing—I didn't want to hear it. I…was almost scared to.

"What did you think of the wedding?" I asked Rick instead, clearing my throat.

"It was a nice ceremony," was his reply as he kept walking forward. "And you?"

"Me?"

"What did you think?"

I shrugged, glancing at the Inn as we passed it by. "Yeah…it was nice, I guess. Those two—they're so happy together. I really hope it works out for them."

"It will," Rick nodded. "If they work at it, they can make it work. I didn't think so before, but now…"

"Now?" I insisted as a long pause made its way into the conversation.

"I've changed my mind," he stated simply. He cast me a quick glance, then said, "You know, Claire—you kept saying you were the selfish one. That you didn't want Popuri and Kai to get married because you selfishly wanted him for yourself." He sighed, and stared straight ahead. "The truth is, I was selfish, too."

He stopped walking, and I paused as well, watching as he tried to collect his thoughts. "She's my little sister. I've always had her here with me—Popuri, my mother, and I. In the beginning, there was my father, too. My father…he's gone, and I highly doubt he's ever coming back. My mother hasn't been the same, either; she waits, and dreams, and hopes he'll come back. He hasn't yet, Claire. Then there was Karen—my best friend, and the one person who could somehow make taking my father's place bearable for me. But Jack came, and now that he's left, Karen's gone. At least, the Karen _I_ knew is gone. And then in comes Kai, after the one person I have left--the one person who never changed. I…hated him for that. Selfishly, I hated him, because he wanted all I had left. I wasn't willing to give my little sister up. I wasn't ready…to see her change, like Karen and my mother had."

"When you put it like that," I smiled softly, "it doesn't sound as selfish as you think. There's nothing wrong with an older brother wanting to protect his little sister."

"True," Rick admitted. "But there _is_ something wrong with not wanting her to be happy."

"So I guess…in the end…we were both selfish, huh?" I stated, crossing my arms.

"No," Rick disagreed, shaking his head. "I think what I saw you do today—letting him go—was the most unselfish thing you could have done."

A pink color spread its way across my cheeks, and I replied, "It's only fair to say that you did the same thing with Popuri. We both let them go."

He laughed quietly. "Yeah, I guess so."

The wind began to pick up again, and my hair swirled about me as Rick's was swayed by the breeze as well. The silk of my dress brushed up against my legs, and I brought my arms tighter around myself in an effort to maintain my warmth. The day was fading, and all the colors of a sunset were beginning to be painted onto the canvas of the sky—starting with a passionate scarlet and followed by a spread of violet coupled with pink. Rick and I both stared upward as the miracle of twilight took place, and I whispered, "Rick? Can you…promise me something?"

"Promise you what, Claire?" he asked, gazing at me from behind large round spectacles.

"…Promise me you won't change," I murmured. "Promise you won't…leave here."

Staring at me thoughtfully, a tiny grin made its way across his lips, and he answered, "Only if you promise, too."

"It's a promise, then."

We had stopped walking at the crossroads—where our paths diverged towards my farm and Rick's. Reluctantly, I stared down my road, and Rick did likewise with his own.

"Hey, Claire," Rick began, clearing his throat. "If you need anything, you know you can come ask me for help. Since Popuri used to help you and all--"

"I know," I nodded. "And if you need help around the Poultry Farm, like someone to help with Lillia or the chickens—"

"I'll call you," he assured me.

Unspoken good-byes were exchanged with fleeting smiles, and I began down my road. My neglected pineapple plants came into view, withering on their stems. I paused and gave them a long hard look—then brought out my watering can and began to slowly water them one by one.

And sometimes, it's hard—to go back and water everything you've forgotten to grow for so long. It's easy to forget what you've left behind, that so much still needs to be mended. It's easy to let all the good times, the good friends, and the good choices pale in comparison to the bad. What's hard is to let go of all the hard times, the lost friends, and the wrong choices that are dragging you down into the tide.

It might take five years to overcome it. It might take more. It might take just one brief moment of clarity to teach you to leave everything behind and sail off into your future. You might never stop waiting on the dock for that moment to come.

But I, for one, refuse to wait there any longer.

Someday, the pain of all those years will fade. I know it will. And in some ways, it already has. I don't pretend that I'll never miss him, because that's a lie. But I do believe that it's time to move on—to pull myself out of the tide.

I passed by the Supermarket the other day. Karen was sitting there at the counter, idly waiting for her shift to end. Catching my eye, she allowed me a brief smile and a wave, and I waved back. But she wasn't what I was staring at.

A tiny nook on the side of the room stood bare, layered with dust. I stared at it curiously, trying to remember what it was that had occupied it the year before—something important, I knew, but I couldn't put my finger down on what.

"There's a rumor going around," a familiar voice said from behind, "that someone bought the blue feather from the shop. Any guesses?"

And I know, I _know_, that not everyone gets their happy ending. Not everyone can be pulled free from the tide. And I know that the road ahead won't be perfect, and it won't be easy, and it's not the road I always dreamed of taking.

But I'm ready to face that new road. I'm ready, for the first time in my life, to trust someone completely without holding back. I...I'm going to try to have that kind of courage.

Because I am done waiting. And I know that it's time to move on.

The End

* * *

I'm sorry if the end was rushed, I truly am. I worked for hours and hours, and I couldn't make it better than this. If you didn't catch the note in the description, the blue feather incident happened a year after Kai and Popuri's wedding. 

Thank you to each of my reviewers: I owe each and everyone of you for inspiring me to do better and to grow as a writer. Thank you so much.

Thank you to those who read and did not review: Each time I look at the Stats page, I can't help but smile.

There will be no sequel, but this ties in with a few of my old oneshots, most notably "All That Remains" and "The Departure," along with a smattering of "Rose Petals."

Again, thank you for reading, and I really, really hope the ending didn't let you down. (I almost dedicated a whole chapter nineteen to the final few paragraphs, but it always came out short and choppy and awful.) But I'll miss writing this story, and I hope you all enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Thank you all. So, so much.

--Scarlet


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